urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:de_milmentiras It's too short for exuses and alibies de_milmentiras 2009-09-08T21:10:16Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:de_milmentiras:16223 2009-09-08T20:57:27Z 2009-09-08T21:10:16Z <b>blue(therebetween) - [1/2] - PG13 </b><br />(I do not know all the names mentioned within, none of this happened. I made up a LOT of stuff and forgot a fair few stuff for the sake of my own convinience)<br /><br />*so, i for some idiotic reason thought it was a good idea to start another multipart after the failure of alpha (hahaha.), and i'm the kind of person who has to write everything down and get my own verse of people and things in place and i'm sort of struggling to piece it all together. so i've written two sort of...short ficlet things to help me sort my lead characters out. the actual fic...doesn't have a name, the working title is 'blue' for now, but we shall see.<br /><br />**the 2 parts of this happened before or between the written parts of the actual fic that will be written. <br /><br /><blockquote>Catherine is a girl who knows what she wants, always thought she knew what she wanted. But that's not always the case, is it? She has the present she not too sure about holding onto or changing, the present that is her past, the present that will decide her future if she does nothing about it.<br /><br />and one blip of the past that threatens to take away all the problems of the present. (and the future she isn't too sure she wants either.)<br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br /><br /><blockquote><br />Cathy knew it, she knew that she had emptied one-too-many glasses of wine and she knew it was the wrong thing to do. She knew she would have to drag herself out of bed tomorrow morning and force herself to work rest of the weekend. But she did it anyway. For she did in fact have the whole weekend after all to prepare for one two hour exam on Tuesday. The weekend was long enough, she could only hope.<br /><br />A little fun on a Friday night couldn't hurt, it couldn't hurt anybody.<br /><br />Though, she wasn't really having fun. She was so very bored out of her mind in fact.<br /><br />"...Isn't it ridiculous? Can you actually believe what he said to me?"<br /><br />Cathy slowly focused on the man opposite the table and slowly tuned back into the conversation, the man who was just looking straight back at her in the dim light of the restaurant waiting eagerly for her response. Thankfully, she knew him well enough to know that he couldn't always tell when she hadn't really been listening, and she just gave him a disgusted look and nodded. Not really knowing what was coming out of his mouth.<br /><br />She was starting to wonder why she thought this was a good idea in the first place.<br /><br />"I know right? So yes, I just stormed out of the house I haven't been back for days now. I knew you'd understand."<br /><br />"Of course, of course Josh. You know I always do, I'm always around to be on your side." She nodded along, searching already in the back of her head reasons to give him to leave this situation as soon as possible.<br /><br />Josh started talking again, or at least she figured. She had tuned out quickly again and she was just hearing noise escape from his lips as she just circled the rim of her empty wine glass, staring at the space behind him. Cathy only heard words again when Josh suddenly took that hand in her hand and brought it to his lips, catching her completely off guard. In the moment of surprise she immediately pulled back her hand from his grasp. Which led to him looking back at her completely dazed and confused.<br /><br />"What's wrong? Did I do something wrong?"<br /><br />"No, no Josh it's nothing like that. I was just in my own head for a second and you caught me off guard. Sorry hun. It's nothing personal." Cathy let out, smiling at him, everything wasn't okay and everything was personal. She was bored of this now. She was bored of being so on and off with him.<br /><br />Being on and off with the same guy for two years. When she left school and when they both went off to Universities in two different cities, she thought they could avoid this cycle. But nothing had changed. They'd bump into each other when they were both home and they would have to catch up again and they'd look back at the memories, all the times they'd had spent together. The good times they had together and they would both want to try this again.<br /><br />And now three weeks into another chapter in the story of 'Cathy and Josh', she was getting bored of him again. But she really didn't know how to get out of this cycle, this very vicious cycle.<br /><br />It was worse the fact that everyone around her expected her to be with him, everyone just expected them to be together – always be together. Everyone expected them to be seen together. Cathy couldn’t remember exactly since when but for as long as she could remember as far as Josh Arnold had been in her life, it had always been “Cathy and Josh”, “Josh and Cathy”. It didn’t help matters when her and Josh split for both parents were keen on them being together, both parents approved of each other. (They were ‘right’ for each other so they always said.)<br /><br />Her mother always went that one step further on the dinner table of course when the subject of Josh came up, always expecting some sort of an engagement announcement.<br /><br />It wasn’t that Cathy wasn’t attracted to Josh, it wasn’t that she didn’t like him anymore. It just felt like for her it had run its course and they were just holding on to something for the sake of holding on to it and because the Parents were saying so. He was very much everything Catherine Maeve Noble would find fit for a future husband, he was studying at Cambridge, his parents and his family’s social status were of equals to her own and his wealth – if not a little wealthier than her own family. Not to mention, that one important factor that always swayed Cathy more, the fact that Josh wasn’t that bad on the eye either.<br /><br />But somewhere in her already knew that this wasn’t it, that this wasn’t she wanted at all thought she always thought this is how it would go.<br /><br />As she smiled at him reassuringly once more, Josh leant across the table pulling her face towards him a little before he pressed a kiss on her lips. That familiar feeling, that familiar rush of neurons. This is why she kept coming back, even though he was all wrong sometimes, their chemistry just felt right once and again. Slowly she pulled away from him and in the corner of her eye, she saw a small group of people turning a corner past their table.<br /><br />And she straightened up quickly and did a double take as subtly as she could manage to follow the three people who had just walked past her. To make sure she wasn't seeing things and that to see if she really had just seen who she thought she had seen walk past their table.<br /><br />Cathy just stared at the table behind her in disbelief for a while as the growing murmur in the restaurant confirmed what she thought. Feeling her face turning red and hot she fanned herself with her hand a little as she turned back to Josh.<br /><br />"Everyone is staring at that table, wonder why." Josh muttered into his wine glass as she did so.<br /><br />"...Yeah." She choked out as she quickly glanced over her shoulder to see a familiar pair of eyes staring back at her at that moment she heard her own voice inside her head swearing very loudly. Growing a little uncomfortable in her seat, she excused herself from the table as Josh asked for their bill.<br /><br />She cursed that she had walk past the very table in question as she walked towards the toilets. Cathy stopped before she turned around another corner to see over her shoulder just to check once more that she wasn't seeing things. But she instead saw the very man she was trying to avoid walking towards where she was standing.<br /><br />Cathy took several deep breaths in and out as she turned a corner and just stood there, waiting for whatever had to come. There was no way of getting out of this now. He clearly already noticed and recognised her and he was already heading towards her. She jumped and almost yelped as she saw his face come around the corner cautiously to where she was standing, fanning herself still.<br /><br />"Hiding?" He grinned leaning on a wall next to her.<br /><br />"...Maybe." Cathy choked out once more, pressing the backs of her hands on her face in her attempt to cool it.<br /><br />"Not from me I hope?"<br /><br />"Clearly, you think too highly of yourself Richard."<br /><br />"You remember my name, that's a start."<br /><br />"I'm surprised you remember me, you must get around a lot so I hear...?"<br /><br />Richard pushed off the wall, taking careful measured steps towards her, "Like you are anywhere near forgettable Catherine." He breathed over her ear, pressing a kiss on her bare shoulder as he pulled away.<br /><br />"Okay, don't. Don't start. I can't, not again." Cathy stared back at him firmly as she felt the phone in her clutch vibrate.<br /><br />Richard let out a laugh and narrowed his eyes at her, "Why? Because of the friend you've left at the table?"<br /><br />"Yes, because of him." She said, as she pulled out her phone to answer it. Before she could, Richard took the phone from her grasp, looking at the caller ID on the screen.<br /><br />"Oh, so that's Josh. Then that's nothing then. You've spent a night with me already when you were supposedly with Josh. Tell him, something came up. Come sit with me and the guys for a while."<br /><br />"You are so full of it, man it must be so easy to be Richard Gasquet."<br /><br />"Well, yeah. It is sometimes. You know Paulo and Nicolas, you've met them before. Come, we won't bite. Please?" He looked at her pleadingly, still holding onto Cathy's ringing in phone in his hand. Only handing it back to her when it stopped ringing.<br /><br />Cathy just stared back at him and said nothing, choosing to call back Josh straight away. Apologising, saying that there was a queue, that she wasn't going to be long.<br /><br />"Where's your friend at least? The one who spoke pretty decent French, you said she was seeing someone on the tour didn't you? Maybe she'll be more...willing."<br /><br />Cathy rolled her eyes at him and tried to get past him, Richard held her back as she tried to leave. "She's in Oxford, she won't be here until next week and don't talk about my best friend like that."<br /><br />"Like what? I was only saying, maybe she wouldn't be so difficult about spending some time with us. Next week? That's a shame."<br /><br />"Richard, let go. Let me go or would you rather have me scream and get you a nice headline?" Cathy hissed at him as she tried to free her arm from his grasp.<br /><br />Richard only pulled back harder and pressed his lips harder against hers. Cathy found herself fighting against him only for a fraction of a second. She found herself kissing him back, letting her mind travel back all the way to New York. All the way back to last year. Remembering the first encounter, remembering the night (and morning after), remembering how she'd dared to dream to be that girl. That girl.<br /><br />Then remembering watching her best friend having dreamt and hurt she pulled back quickly. She couldn't. She was worth more than this.<br /><br />"Not now." Cathy found herself saying instead of a 'No, never again.'<br /><br />Richard just looked back at her and nodded and not trying to hold her back this time, as she walked away. <br /></blockquote><br /></blockquote> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:de_milmentiras:15978 2009-08-04T16:42:57Z 2009-08-04T16:48:23Z Lady GaGa - Money Honey | Powered by Last.fm <b>Title:</b> Words<br /><b>Prompt:</b> #9 Impulse<br /><b>Pairing:</b> Daniel Agger/Fabio Aurelio AKA Daggerelio<br /><b>Rating:</b> G/PG-13<br /><b>Disclaimer:</b> Not true. Besides the actual topics being discussed in it. : D<br /><b>Summary:</b> looking back on the years that have just...flown past. seen through daniel's eyes. <br /><b>A/N: </b> First thing I've posted that's been of posting...quality. HAHA. :) Unbeta'd, a little poor. A little out-of-date for I started it ages ago. But be reading? ;)<br /><br /><a href="http://de-milmentiras.livejournal.com/7601.html">My table</a><br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br /><blockquote><br />Neither of you are sure how it all began and when it exactly it began. You remember it being quick shy glances at one another, followed by making a total fool of yourself. High school all over again, almost. <br /><br />Eventually it developed into a spur of a moment kind of 'relationship'. Dragging one another in towards the deepest hidden corners of Melwood, Anfield, anywhere. Your lips on his. You both searching for the nearest handle towards somewhere out of the people's eye. <br /><br />His body pressed against your own, clashing of desperately hungry lips and tongues. Acts of pure lust. Fumbling through belt buckles, button, zips, just so desperate to be with one another. Nervous hands and fingers finding one another in a crammed closet or an empty dressing room. <br /><br />Everything was wrong the first time, you recall, nothing felt right. But you were doing it just for the sake of satisfying your lustings for him. In the beginning, you both needs words to make it work for the pair of you.<br /><br />You laugh when you recall the beginnings of you and he. You laugh about how perfect it is right now in comparison to back then. <br /><br />"What are you laughing about?" He says to you eyeing you worringly across your own kitchen. Though he knows you well enough by now that you have your giggling spurs once and again. <br /><br />"Nothing." You grin in response.<br /><br />He takes one look at you and chuckles. <br /><br />Two years on; you no longer needed words for the pair of you to understand each other. <br /><br />It was no longer an act of pure impulsive lust; but something more. Something beyond words; that not even words could fully explain. <br /></blockquote> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:de_milmentiras:15731 2009-05-18T12:59:10Z 2009-05-25T02:27:43Z <b>Omega - PG-13</b><br />(I do not know all the names mentioned within, none of this happened. I made up a LOT of stuff and forgot a fair few stuff for the sake of my own convinience)<br /><br /><blockquote>*Joana gave up everything and felt like Richard gave up none. After the two year tug of war (a joke of a marriage as Joana called it) she called it quits. She momentarily believed in a <i>fairytale</i>. Thought she could give up her <i>self</i> and live in his world. A world different from her own. But it never turned out the way it should have. And like that four years pass since that day she storms out. <br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br /><blockquote>omega <br /><br />1. london, june 2014 <br /><br />"Look at us, two divorcees because we much preferred to play with our cameras than to think about a family." Neil laughed.<br /><br />"Yeah, we should start some kind of a club." Joana laughed, shielding her eyes from the sun as she looked about them. Neil didn't say anything but just continued to laugh at her comment. Joana felt a little odd however as in the two years he had been divorced, that this was the first time he had said such a thing. (glad perhaps to a little extent that he could find some humour in it at last.)<br /><br />Four years had flown for Joana since she had stormed out of that house in Switzerland. Since she had signed those papers (since the very last moments where Richard was still asking her if she was sure about her decision.). Two years since she had decided to stay out of Richard's life, out of Luc's life. She felt like she had failed Luc as a mother and didn't want anything to do with him.<br /><br />It appeared to be working out better for the son she pretended to forget about in the hands of his father anyway. Richard had moved back to France as Luc started school so that he could leave Luc in the care of his parents.<br /><br />Eighteen months since Joana had heard from Richard last. Occasionally she saw him due to work but never managed to exchange words.<br /><br />"I hear Richard is getting married again." Neil said watching Joana's reaction carefully as he mentioned the unmentionable. <br /><br />"Oh, really." Joana said as she carefully folded up the order of play before burying it into her jean pocket. <br /><br />Eighteen months of silence. She hadn't exactly attentively followed his life but as far as she was aware of Richard couldn't have been seeing anyone for that long. Eighteen months at most. Still rushing into the decision of marriage. Joana laughed a little. Nothing seemed to change (Though an eighteen month relationship seemed much more logical than a two week - apparent two year - one.)<br /><br />"You really didn't know?"<br /><br />"I had no idea, why should I, we are complete strangers now." <br /><br />Well, it always felt like they never really knew each other that well to begin with. Joana let out a bitter laugh as she took the lead out of the dining area and into another sizzling summer day at Wimbledon.<br /><br />"You really don't care, you really don't feel anything at all?" Neil pressed as walked along side her through the grounds of the All England Club. <br /><br />Joana snapped round to face him, not quite understanding why her colleague was bringing up Richard all of a sudden and pressing her for answers. "No, I don't give a damn. Why would I about someone who has absolutely no significance in my life?" She spat out and Neil just turned away and walked on ahead of her. <br /><br />Joana waited a while before following couple of strides behind him.<br /><br />Hoping he wouldn't bring it back up. <br /><br /><br /><br />2. london, july 2014 <br /><br />Joana rolled her eyes as she lay there in her bed listening to the laughter and fits of giggles next door. The noise she recognised to belong to Neil and Michaela. Neil and Michaela had been seeing each other for five months now and somehow became part of her and Neil's accommodation arrangements for the Championships. (As did she for Roland Garros.)<br /><br />Joana had watched hell Neil had gone through when he was settling his divorce, a real one of emotion and pain it seemed. (Nothing like her and Richard's split.)<br /><br />Then after Michaela happened the Neil she recognised started coming back. Joana stopped complaining. It stopped Neil mourning. (He had to explain to his wife of six years that he just wasn't prepared for children and a family and somehow it ended in this, two years she had watched Neil mourn, Michaela seemed like a healthy change.)<br /><br />A part of her was glad that Michaela was here for Wimbledon, Neil was the worst when they were working in London knowing that his ex-wife was only an hour drive away from most venues that they were working at, with her new partner, with his children, with their own family. London echoed memories for Neil and he found it more difficult to be here. <br /><br />Joana stepped outside onto the small balcony of their rented flat and looked down onto the street below where the spectators for the last day of the Championships were already gathering. This place also echoed memories for her. (Though she would never admit this to anyone.) <br /><br />It was one of the few, few happy memories she treasured during the two years she lived in Richard's shadow. The impromptu decision to come to London, to come to Wimbledon with Luc. How Richard's tough season had taken a turn for the good and he was somehow a Wimbledon finalist after a second round exit in Melbourne and a no show in Paris. <br /><br />He was somehow a quarter-finalists at the Queen's club and he was somehow a finalist at The Championships. <br /><br />'You are clearly my lucky charm.' <br /><br />His voice echoed in her head as she stood there soaking in the early morning rays, they had stayed a little further down the same road that fortnight. <br /><br />'You should travel with me all the time.'<br /><br />'And not work?'<br /><br />She could remember the warmth of his chest against her back that morning of the final. How he had wrapped his arms around her waist, she could still feel the breath of his words against her skin. Remember his heartbeats against her spine. <br /><br />'And Luc? You want to travel with Luc?'<br /><br />'If we really wanted to, we could find a way.' <br /><br />'What if Luc is actually the lucky charm, not me?'<br /><br />That laugh. That infectious laugh he had echoed through her head. <br /><br />It was Wimbledon day 13 after all. <br /><br />(This year, he had been a no show.)<br /><br /><br /><br />3. cincinnati, august 2014<br /><br />"Gasquet and Lisle's families had always been good friends. Lisle's family had moved out of the town in South France during her teenage years. When she returned to her home town eight months ago and they became reunited for the first time in a decade, they say that it was almost love at first sight."<br /><br />Joana looked up from staring at the rising steam from her mug of coffee and stared across the table at Neil who was busily reading through a paper he had picked up somewhere. She had no idea if he had any idea it had Richard in it, or if it was because Richard was in it that he had picked it up. <br /><br />"Neil, do you want me to throw something at you?" <br /><br />Neil looked away from the paper in his hand and looked into her eyes briefly and he resumed to reading rest of the article, in silence.<br /><br />Eight months, eight months was most definitely short, rushed. Definitely that same Richard Gasquet she thought as she carefully took sips of her coffee. Eight months, had that been long enough for Luc to get to know this girl? Had Luc taken to this girl immediately? Take her as his new mother? (Not that he would have ever felt he had a decent one in the first place to replace. Anyone probably seemed like a good one to him.)<br /><br />"Oh for fuck sake..." She breathed out and leered at the paper, hoping Neil would feel the glare in his direction. Hating for putting the thoughts in her head, two months they had managed without mentioning Richard and here he was, reading out loud and sharing things she didn't really need to hear. <br /><br />Neil folded up the paper and put it down on the table next to his empty cup, looking at Joana. Smirking a little perhaps at the fact that he had managed to irritate Joana a little. <br /><br />"You do care." He said as he scraped the dried foam on the edges of his cup.<br /><br />"Believe what you want. I don't care." Joana said lifting up the mug again and taking a sip before being satisfied with the temperature of her drink before taking a large gulp of the coffee. <br /><br />"Of course you care, maybe not about him. But you do care about Luc, this girl is going to be raising your son. Who knows, a little about Richard too. You wouldn't react like this if you didn't care at all."<br /><br />"I don't have a son, I don't have a right to think that I was ever a mother to him. Neil, don't bring up Richard ever again, I don't care and I don't want to hear it."<br /><br />"I see the way you look at him when he's nearby, when you know he's not looking at you. I know you still wear your wedding band on a chain. Who are you trying to kid Jo? You still love him." <br /><br />"I never loved him."<br /><br />Neil laughed a little mockingly at her comment as Joana narrowed her eyes at him.<br /><br />“At least, you should talk to him, get it out of your system and what about C-“<br /><br />“Neil. Enough. I’m handling it.” Joana cut him off.<br /><br />She couldn't seem to get Neil's words out of her head for the rest of the day. (For the week.)Maybe she did care after all. <br /><br /><br /><br />4. new york, september 2014 <br /><br />"Merde, merde, merde..." <br /><br />Joana slowly peeled herself away from the bed, her palm pressed against her forehead grimacing a little. Too much alcohol, again. Her eyes scanned the floor of her room carefully, they were many empty glass bottles lolling around, she couldn't remember drinking this much. <br /><br />"C'était une mauvaise idée..."<br /><br />Slowly she turned her head towards the only source of noise in her room, then, it came back to her. What exactly had happened the night before and she couldn't agree more, it was a bad idea, she had no idea why in the first place she thought this would be a good idea. They always seemed to have only two outcomes.<br /><br />Shouting at each other or getting drunk and doing something they would eventually regret. <br /><br />"Rich?"<br /><br />"Oh, you are up." He stopped in his tracks and looked at her briefly making eye contact before he turned away quickly again towards the bathroom. <br /><br />Joana let out a sigh as she swung her legs over the edge of the bed, picking up her shirt from the floor next to her and carefully retraced her steps to getting dressed again. She slowly drew back the curtains of the room, wincing at the sunlight as she did so. <br /><br />"Vous devez quitter.." <br /><br />She jumped a little as he appeared behind her, grimacing a little at the fact that he was referring to her as <i>vous</i>. They were strangers now after all, she shook her head at herself slowly and turned towards him. To just stare at him for a while before he walked away from her again. <br /><br />"Revenir à moi Richard." Joana breathed out and froze at the moment, realising what she had just come out of her mouth, she was half convinced she was just thinking it. <br /><br />Richard also seemed to freeze in time as those words escaped her lips. <br /><br />Joana struggled to find the next words and hesitantly took steps towards him before he could walk away from her again.<br /><br />"I..." Her lips parted to say more, her head was a chaos she didn't know what she was trying to say exactly. "I miss you." <br /><br />She just looked at him, she couldn't look at his eyes however, she was too afraid of what she might see. Hearing nothing she just proceeded to picking up her bag that was sitting on a chair in the corner of the room, heading towards the door. <br /><br />Joana stopped by the door as Richard stood near by, about to open the door for her to leave. <br /><br />"I still love you, you know. I..." She trailed off, it felt like it was the last time. That this would be the last time she'd ever have to try to rescue this. It hadn't occurred to her until that point that she wanted to put this together again. "Tell me you really want me to walk away now. Do you really want me to walk away?" <br /><br />Richard let out a bitter laugh, shaking his head a little as he let his hand stroke down the side of her face. Looking at her with those same eyes that he used to look at her with, before he pressed a soft kiss on her lips. <br /><br />"You had four years to say that. I waited for you for four years. The past eight months, I had a crazy idea that you would come find me that you'd call me out of the blue to say that to change my mind." He breathed out and he opened the door of his hotel room. "You are telling me this now, now after all this time when I'm getting married in two weeks? Joana, there is no way back now, I don't know how to go back to you anymore."<br /><br />(As she walked away from him once more, she kicked herself, shouting very loudly in her head. ‘You idiot, that is not what you wanted to tell him at all.’)<br /><br /><br /><br />5. sölden, october 2014 <br /><br />Joana couldn't feel her hands anymore, she had lost all sensation in her finger tips. She could feel her own breath freezing on the scarf wrapped around her mouth. Breathing heavily she pushed her eye against the view finder of her camera, her forefinger squeezing tightly on the shutter. <br /><br />She voluntarily opted not to cover the tennis of October or November and decided to follow the skiing in Europe instead in the build up towards Sochi in February. <br /><br />It seemed like a good idea at the time. <br /><br />Joana couldn't be gladder when there came a little break in the day's events to go find warmth for a while, to check her equipment and her camera. She sat in a daze in the media building, trying to get warm again. <br /><br />She snapped her head round at the loud chatter of people gathered around someone's laptop when she thought she heard Richard's name being mentioned. She traced in the depths of her memory to try to comprehend their German. <br /><br />"Oh. Of course." She muttered to herself, Richard was getting married this weekend because she had been too proud to realise what she really had wanted and when she had realised what she truly wanted she was too late. <br /><br />It had gone ahead, like New York never happened. (Like Halle never happened, like Pau never happened.)<br /><br />Joana sighed, not being able to handle the excited chatter she headed out of the building out into the cold again, wandering around the slopes. It only occurred to her that she wasn't that far from the slopes that her and Richard had spent their honeymoon.<br /><br />The five days she had tried to master skiing and had failed and how Richard had laughed and mocked her to no end. <br /><br />There she was standing on standing only an hour from the spot where endless happiness seemed possible, holding onto the echoing laughter while he was promising forever again to someone else. <br /><br /><br /><br />6. london, november 2014<br /><br />Joana tumbled through the front door of her building dragging the big suitcase behind her. She took a deep breath in before she picked it up before ascending two sets of staircases, cursing the fact that her lift had not been fixed in four months. She passed that familiar grey cat wandering around on the corridor and greeted it warmly. <br /><br />She was home. <br /><br />Joana swung open the door of her North London flat and dragged herself into it. Stepping past almost a month's worth of mail on the floor by the door. She let the suitcase stand by the door before she picked up the pile of bills, letters and newspapers from the floor. <br /><br />Tucking the pile under one arm she wandered towards her small living room, throwing the key in her hand onto the table before she hit the play button of her answering machine letting her know she had couple of messages waiting for her. <br /><br />She scanned through the mail, throwing the newspapers into a pile at the end of her couch and her bills onto the table next to the key she had thrown down. Half listening to the messages playing out of her machine as she sunk into her couch. <br /><br />Nothing really ever important was on it. Everyone in her life that needed to reach her had the number for her mobile, she never really understood why she had an answering machine and why she had this ritual of listening to them. <br /><br />Then she froze staring at the envelope in her hand, a France postmark on it and handwriting on it that she recognised it to belong to only one person. Why had he written to her? How had he gotten hold of her address? <br /><br />She made a mental note to have a word of Neil assuming that he could be the only source as she carefully opened the envelope. <br /><br />Joana tipped the contents of the envelope onto her hand and fell out a folded note and a chain, a silver chain, her silver chain and her wedding band. <br /><br />"Oh shit." She breathed out, she had been missing it for months and she couldn't find it anywhere. She failed to remember the last time she had it. Richard had it, he had seen it, would it have made him think at all? (Had he found it or had his now newly wedded wife find it? Did she see it?) <br /><br />Did he realise that she had never parted with it for almost four years? <br /><br />Cautiously Joana opened up the note, not knowing what to expect to find written on it. <br /><br /><i>I found this in New York, it took me a while to realise this was yours.<br />It made me happy to know that you had this all this time, angry all at once too.<br />Made me think about all the times I just stared at mine, thinking if we’d ever get another chance. <br />Angry how we’ve realised this all too late.<br />But this is us, this is you and me. <br />Something I'm never going to forget, something I'm never going to let go.</i><br /><br />She stared at the note, her eyes scanning the paper, reading it over and over again. Trying to decipher any meaning behind it all, if there was any more to it than it suggested it. Or if she was reading this in a way she wanted to hear it. <br /><br />Before she realised, tears were falling from her eyes uncontrollably smudging the ink on the paper in her hand. For the first time it felt like she cried because of him. She couldn't quite understand herself why she was crying, but she couldn't stop. She couldn't make herself stop and she laughed pathetically at herself inside. <br /><br />This really was it. Really (really this time) the end.<br /><br />(Only if he knew that there was more of <i>them</i> remaining.)<br /><br /> “Jo?” A voice came from the other side of her flat, startling her. <br /><br />Joana blinked hard, pressing the back of her hands against her hand before she dared to look round. “Charlie, what? I didn’t expect you to be home. You could have at least cleared up the pile of mess by the door!” She said with a forced grin on her face as she did turn her head.<br /><br />“A lot of it was your stuff…” Charlie broke off, observing Joana carefully as he spoke. “Jo, what’s wrong?”<br /><br />“No, no. It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” She said, in the most light hearted way she could manage, putting everything in her hand back into the envelope it came in.<br /><br />“Okay then, I know you better than almost anyone so I don’t believe you but…anyway as I was saying. I know you don’t like me touching your important stuff so I just left it.” He grinned, “And well, your mum had some…emergency and I was getting off work early so I picked up Callie from your parents’. Welcome home roomie. Callie has missed you, she’s been going on and on …”<br /><br />“It’s good to be back and stop with the guilt trip! She has a perfectly good parent in you and my parents.” Joana said as she looked over his shoulder towards the open bedroom door behind him. “Callie Elisabeth!”<br /><br />“Is the full name necessary?” <br /><br />Joana shot Charlie as look as she heard the rushing footsteps of her three year old emerged from the room Charlie had just come out from, the sight of her making Joana forget the ache of seconds ago and replacing it with a genuine smile on her face. “I will call my daughter, what I want Charlie so ssh.”<br /><br />When there is a start there is an end. When something ends, something else begins. Something has to end for something else to begin. <br /><br />“I am the apparent father figure so yes, I do care?” Charlie teased. <br /><br />“Stop saying apparent father around her please. She’s not stupid.”<br /><br />“Oh please, she’s three and it’s not like we make her call me dad either. I’m just the father figure. Maybe she already knows I’m not really anything. “<br /><br />Joana sighed and just shook her head, shaking Charlie’s comments off her before she scooped up her three year old. It was going to work out, it was going to be okay, and this wasn’t the way she planned it for it to happen, but it made sense in its own way. She was going to be fine, they were going to be fine and everything was going to go to plan. (Or she could only hope.)<br /><br /><center>Α & Ω - FIN.</center><br /><br /><font size="1">*<br />i. luc under the influence, naturally goes on to take up the family sport, at 17 he lifts the roland garros title. it will be his only slam and he will be a 'one slam wonder' and yet anothter 'gasquet disappointment'<br />ii. luc grows up in knowledge of joana and acknowledging her part in his life, but he never blames her for what she did and he knows she's always keeping on eye on him and after his french open title, he finds joana, who greets him warmly to his surprise and promises him to keep more in touch. (though this never happens for joana feels guilt everytime she sees luc for failing him and guilt for having dared to start a new family.)<br />iii. richard does not have any more children. (and he never finds about the other one he has though neil tries to bring it up everytime they bump into each other.)<br />iv. callie pursues tennis and joana does everything in her power to stop her from going any further with it.<br />v. callie eventually figures it out.</font></blockquote></blockquote> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:de_milmentiras:15528 2009-04-21T16:02:43Z 2009-05-18T12:21:52Z 3OH!3 - Tapp <b>Alpha - Twenty Five & Epilogue - PG-13</b><br />(I do not know all the names mentioned within, none of this happened. I made up a LOT of stuff and forgot a fair few stuff for the sake of my own convinience. Richard's results and tennis related stuff mentioned of 2006 and 2008 are true however. )<br /><br /><blockquote>*Joana is on the verge of a new life afraid to that that leap. Leaving the life as she knows it and entering a whole different world, tells herself she will not lose herself in this new world. Then she stumbles into the world that she knows nothing about, but she is intrigued. She intrigues <i>him</i> and she intrigued with <i>him</i>. She dares, she dares to let her mind wonder about a future after one brief encouter with Richard Gasquet - though she knows deep down inside that she is more likely to be one of the many encouters for him. (After all, she is nothing, to him and his world.)<br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br /><blockquote><i>twenty five</i> (November 2010)<br /><br />Joana sat in her study and looked about her, her work was becoming important by the months. Making into one of the papers, she was getting somewhere, slowly but she was getting there. She wanted more, she needed more. She was hungry for more, she had so much more left to learn and so much more she wanted to explore. She was however still did not however have the luxuries to chase after every opportunity that came her way. <br /><br />Things still had to revolve around how busy or un-busy Richard was. So much to the point she was so near to picking up the phone and calling Richard’s parents to ask them to look after Luc for a while for them while she went travelling all across the continent.<br /><br />She hated feeling like she had no input whatsoever to the family, that she was just sitting around most of the time and she was just living on what Richard brought home. She was starting to miss slightly when Richard had the setbacks as painful as watching that and experiencing that was. <br /><br />When the momentum picked up again near the end of the season and into the next, he was gone often and so long as he used to be. Sometimes longer than he used to. <br /><br />She lost herself completely when she was sitting in her study, not her study but the study, but when she was sitting in it all on her own she felt like it was hers and she lost herself in it. She could spend hours just reading books, staring at the camera that gathered dust once and again waiting and craving for attention. Using it as an excuse to pick it up again and look around her world through that small square again. <br /><br />Such a small hole she saw the world through but when she did it felt like she was opening her eyes to a whole new world and she got to see the bigger picture. <br /><br />She savoured the times now that she could be alone like this sitting in her study to lose herself in her world on the days Richard was home. Not that it was a particularly happy day, this time round, she had to reschedule three weeks because of a sudden change in Richard’s plans. <br /><br />Joana sighed and tapped her pen on her desk, balancing the phone between her ear and her shoulder. Being able to hum along the song that was playing after being on hold for such a long time. <br /><br />“Joana, sorry it took so long.” A voice made her jump and she immediately snapped out of her dreamy state. <br /><br />“Hey Marc, sorry. I have to ask for a really big favour, sort of last minute again, sorry.” She said as she thumbed her way through the planner sitting in front of her. When she was done she heard a sigh at the other of the phone. <br /><br />“No, no it’s alright. It’s not always your fault. What can I do for you?”<br /><br />“Yeah, you know the three weeks I’m booked in for in March? I think you should look for someone else to replace me.”<br /><br />“Mmm.” He said and she could hear him clicking and typing at the other end. “You can’t do that weekend in Zagreb?” <br /><br />“Nope. I’m not sure quite yet but I think it looks that way.” <br /><br />“We really only have you available that weekend. It seems ridiculous, since Neil left everyone seems to be leaving and everyone who is wiling to work for us, isn’t good enough.” He went on and he continued to type and click away trying to think of a solution. “Oh Joana, please? I could try to get Clara to go, but she’s going to be back from a ten hour journey that morning or that guy who’s just joined us but he’d have no one to really go with him and I don’t think the people up there don’t want him going out abroad on his own yet.” Another sigh.<br /><br />“No, I can’t. Not this time. I mean we could give up on Zagreb, I suppose. If you really can’t find a way or I could bribe Clara and get her to take Lawrence and she could share the workload. But I don’t know if then if they will be willing to plan expenses for two people when they originally anticipated one person...”<br /><br />“Oh for fuck sake Marc. Talk about guilt trip!”<br /><br />“It isn’t a guilt trip, really.” <br /><br />“It’s a bit ridiculous how small our workforce is at the moment isn’t it and how I’ve suddenly become so important.” Joana sighed.<br /><br />“You are important, you are so very important to us.” Marc chuckled, “Oh Joana, please. I could find replacements for the other events in one way or the other but not for that and I think the last week of March is also a bit hard to do again.” <br /><br />“Oh I hate you, I do. Fine okay, keep me still on those three weeks I’ll see what I can do, kick Richard down the stairs if I have to.” <br /><br />“Now, now Joana, violence is not the answer...but it could work.” <br /><br />“Okay then, fine. I’ll get back to you. Thanks for trying though.” Joana sighed, there seemed to be only one option left now. “Take care. I’ll call you back in 20 so don’t even think about getting into something busy to put me on hold again.”<br /><br />“Okay okay. I’ll be sitting here waiting by the phone.” <br /><br />Joana hung up and sat at her desk, tapping her fingers on the desk for a while, knowing her next move but not quite wanting to make it. But there really seemed to be no other option left for her and she really had to do this now there was no other option left for her. This was something she should have tried a long time ago, she knew once she made the initial attempt it wouldn’t be too hard to keep asking for the favour. She did this on her own, she had managed it so far for two years. It could offer her that extra space she was craving. <br /><br />She leant back in her chair and pulled out her phone book from the bag sitting on the floor next to her. She flicked through the pages to near the end before picking up the phone. Joana took in a deep breath, inhaling and exhaling slowly as she punched in the numbers, checking over and over again that she had entered the right numbers before she pressed the call button.<br /><br />Trying to remember all the French she knew in her head as the phone rang, it rang several times and nobody picked up. She let it ring couple more times before quickly hanging up, it was only then she remembered that Richard was home after all, it would be so much easier to ask him to ask his own parents for a favour. <br /><br />It was then she realised the racket on the other side of the door, she cocked her head one side as she watched the handle of the door moving a little. Joana pushed out from her desk and paced over towards the door and swung it open to see Luc standing on the other side of it. <br /><br />Joana let out a long sigh. Richard knew she didn’t like being intruded on when she was in her own world, breathing inside that bubble of freedom, she couldn’t understand why he would let Luc wander around the house like this. <br /><br />Luc looked up at her and sat down on the floor in the hallway outside the room, babbling on in French excitedly. Joana just nodded along and smiled at him before she walked past him and down the stairs in the search of Richard. <br /><br />The TV was on downstairs, loudly and the living room floor was covered in the explosion of Luc’s things. Joana spun on her heels and paced around the ground floor of the house, dining room, kitchen, even out the back. There was no sign of him anywhere. <br /><br />“Oh for fuck sake Gasquet.” She said walking back towards the staircase, avoiding stepping on the trail of Luc’s toys before she headed back up the stairs. “Ou-est ton papa Luc?”<br /><br />“Il es sorti.” Luc replied.<br /><br />“Il es sorti? What? When?...Nevermind.”Joana sighed and watched her three year old just shrug. <br /><br />She glanced at her watch, she had been sitting in the study in her lost in her thoughts for almost four hours it seemed. Rolling her eyes she pulled Luc up to his feet, leading him back the stairs carefully, sitting him back down in the living room. <br /><br />The whole afternoon she had planned herself was now officially out the window, she let out another long sigh as she wandered back out in the hallway to pick up Luc’s things to put back in the box that Luc would again inevitably tip out in the matter of twenty minutes. <br /><br />Joana quickly rushed up the stairs and grabbed her mobile and came back to sit in the room with Luc, she did not trust him on his own, he seemed to cause little accidents wherever he went. With one eye firmly on him, she called the recent number again, wanting to sort one thing out at least in this sudden mood killing situation. <br /><br />Again the phone rang several times but nobody picked up and she hung up once more, this time swearing a little under her breath. “Is the whole family against me today? Seriously.” She huffed as she scrolled through the contacts on her phone, calling back Marc for she had promised to call back. <br /><br />“Marc, sorry. I haven’t been to sort anything out today. I’ll let you know as soon as possible okay? But if I were you, I’d try very hard to find someone else now.” She said and hung up, throwing down her phone onto the seat next to her. <br /><br />Luc, as she had predicted, tipped the box out onto the floor again she heard Richard’s car pulling into the drive outside and rushed to her feet, preparing for a confrontation. When he walked in through the door, he looked at her bemused by the obvious annoyance on her face. <br /><br />“Where the hell have you been? Would it have killed you have tell me? Jesus I came down stairs to find whole place empty and just Luc sitting outside the room.” <br /><br />“I was with Guillaume? I told you I’d be out for two hours.”<br /><br />“When? You didn’t tell me.” <br /><br />“I did as I was going out.” <br /><br />“You know I don’t hear things when I’m in that room.”<br /><br />“It’s not completely my fault then that, you just failed to hear me. But I did say so. So don’t tell me I didn’t say anything.”<br /><br />“But you know I can’t hear anything when I’m up there. You could have tried to make sure I heard it. God could you imagine what could have happened because you were just that little bit lazy and Luc was just around on his own because I just didn’t know?”<br /><br />Richard just looked at her blankly, rolling his eyes a little as he dropped his stuff to the floor. “It’s your fault too, I don’t know why you are making such a big deal out of it.”<br /><br />“Why does everything revolve around you? Why are you always right and I’m not?” Joana huffed and turned away from him, shaking off his grip from her arm as he attempted to hold her back. <br /><br />That moment something inside of her just snapped, she didn’t know why exactly but before she knew it she was rushing up the stairs picking up her bag from the study floor, throwing in couple more things from the drawers of the desk before she rushed downstairs into the living room to grab her phone and she didn’t look twice at Richard or Luc before heading out of the room again. <br /><br />“Joana where are you going?” He said chasing her out of the room, she didn’t reply and just grabbed her car keys before turning to him. “You are being ridiculous over nothing. Clearly you are wound up with something else and you are taking it out on me.” <br /><br />She was getting motion sickness now from this constant up and down and the same arguments, the same topics being talked about over and over again. She didn’t think twice as she headed out of the door and drove away as fast as she could possibly manage. <br /><br />She had no idea where she was headed to but she knew she had to get away from this. <br /><br />**<br /><br />“So, you were right. I did something so ridiculously stupid.” Joana sighed down the phone. <br /><br />“What? Oh God Jo, what have you done now?” said her best friend sounding very concerned.<br /><br />“What have I done now? No, what did I do to myself two years ago you mean? Getting married was a stupid idea. What was I thinking Charlie?” There was silence and she could hear her friend struggling to find the words for a response. <br /><br />“Oh, oh Jo...” He breathed out hesitantly. “What’s happened? What’s going on?”<br /><br />“I think...I’m leaving Richard. No -I mean Charlie I’m leaving Richard for sure.” Joana found herself saying without hesitation, as soon as she had got those words out the first time round, it got a little easier to say every time. <br /><br />It was happening for real. <br /><br />“Joana King, WHAT?”<br /><br />“Oh don’t act surprised and try to stop me. You knew this was a bad idea from the beginning and I know you saw it coming.”<br /><br />Charlie laughed a little, “So where are you now?”<br /><br />“Home, back in London. Come, I’ve invited Kerrie and Rhea over. I missed you guys all, didn’t get to see enough of you last summer. It’ll be like it always was.”<br /><br />Joana hung up and sat, hugging her knees in the house she had been back living in for two weeks. Surrounded by people she knew and she loved and was loved by unconditionally. Her parents walked on tiptoes around her, didn’t quite know how to approach the situation and her but their first response seemed to be that they saw it coming too at some point.<br /><br />Richard had called her every day since she stormed out (every other hour on the first two days after she had left) and she refused to answer them all. She didn’t want to listen to that voice again. Instead she wrote him a long e-mail of her thoughts and what she wanted. That she wanted out from this life; that she was sick of living his life and she wanted to live her own. <br /><br />It was suddenly very strange trying not to think in French all the time when she got back home. <br /><br />She put her phone down on the table in front of her before wandering over towards the kitchen, fixing herself more coffee for the night. As she waited for the kettle to boil she saw heard her mum coming down the staircase.<br /><br /> “Morning.” Joana greeted brightly and her mum mumbled a response, “Coffee?” to which her mum nodded and she pulled out another mug from the cupboard. “Charlie, Kerrie and Rhea should be coming over in a bit, if that’s alright....?”<br /><br />“Of course it is.”<br /><br />Joana grinned and carefully poured the hot water into the two mugs before sliding one in her mum’s direction across the counter. There was a knock at the door before she could even think about taking a sip out of her own mug and Joana rushed to answer it. “Kerrie! Oh I have missed you.” She exclaimed and hugged her friend, taking her friend through to the living room. <br /><br />“So what’s going on?” Kerrie enquired. <br /><br />“Later, later when everyone is here.” Joana replied, “Coffee? Tea? I think it’s a bit too early to offer you anything else.” <br /><br />Kerrie laughed, “Tea. The usual.” <br /><br />“Coming right up.” Joana grinned as she left her mum and Kerrie in the living room before heading towards the kitchen, she heard the doorbell as she switched on the kettle once more.<br /><br />Again she rushed to answer it to see Rhea and Charlie at the door together as h excitedly greeted them, she could hear her phone ringing in the room next door and she quickly made her way to the living room.<br /><br />“It’s Richard...again.” Her mum said holding the phone in her hand. “Want me to decline it, again?”<br /><br />“No, no. I’ll take it. It’s about time I did.” Joana said taking the phone from her mum and wandering into the kitchen away from everyone else.<br /><br />“Joana, thank god. Joana, please just talk to me. You can’t give up on us, on this. You are going to throw away these two years like that? That easily? Did they mean nothing to you?” Richard said as soon as she answered the call.<br /><br />“The two years meant nothing, we were kidding ourselves Richard. This isn’t a marriage, this isn’t love – it never was. I want nothing from you, I just want out of this Richard. I just need you to let me go.” <br /><br />Richard didn’t say anything for a while and Joana just could hear him breathing.<br /><br />“I have nothing more to say or to hear, I’m sorry I have to go now I have guests. Just let me know when you are willing to let me go, please?” She said and hung up without waiting for his answer and turned off her phone.<br /><br />This fairytale like whirlwind she had been swept up in for years and the almost fairytale like ending in the past two years in the marriage that everyone saw as a fairytale. There was no such thing, there was nothing fairytale like about it. <br /><br />Two years and that happily ever after for her was over. <br /><br />Leaving her phone on the kitchen counter she headed out back to her friends to fill them in on everything and everything that was about to happen. Tell them whole story and not the part story she had told them when she visited London with Richard the summer before.<br /><br />She just prayed that it wasn’t too late to get her life back on track and to follow her inner compass. That it wasn’t too late for everything to fall back into its right place again.<br /><br /><br /><hr><br /><i>epilogue</i> (January 2012)<br /><br />“Neil, where are you? You know how I hate this place and get lost...all the time!” Joana complained down the phone as she kept looking up at the signage around her and weaving between the crowds of people that were going in the opposite direction. “Oh? Okay I’ll be right there, don’t even think about going anywhere else.” She said before she hung up the phone, quickening her pace. <br /><br />She was thankful when she was in an area of where only people with a pass around their necks could enter; some more breathing and thinking space. Joana stopped in her tracks as soon as her eyes locked on the one person she really didn’t need to see. She couldn’t even look away and walk past him for he was looking straight at her.<br /><br />Joana swore loudly in her head as he approached her, also a little hesitant.<br /><br />“Hey.” He stuttered out first<br /><br />“Hi.” She said, “How are you?”<br /><br />“Fine, not understanding how Melbourne is always so hot though.” He grinned, that smirk on his face that she couldn’t shake off still. “How are you?”<br /><br />“Good, tired a little.” She said and silence fell, that awkward silence that happened between them every time they had crossed paths.<br /><br />“So...” Richard said looking up finally from his feet, “You have any plans tonight? I mean maybe we could catch up. You didn’t come for Christmas and it is Luc’s birthday next week...”<br /><br />“Oh, Luc’s here?” <br /><br />“Yeah, he’s sitting in the player’s lounge with Nicholas and Paulo.” Richard laughed a little.<br /><br />“Oh Luc’s being raised by team Lagadere, nice. He has to play tennis now, surely.” <br /><br />“He gets along with Nicholas and he doesn’t seem to mind looking out for Luc for me so yeah.”<br /><br />“Can’t blame the boy for liking Nicholas, he’s charming.” Joana forced a laugh, “I don’t know if I can make time tonight, sorry.” <br /><br />“Oh you have plans? Seeing anyone?” <br /><br />“No, I’m not, I’m too busy looking after myself!” She said with a slight smile on her face.<br /><br />“Well maybe we could catch up another time, Luc wants to see you.” <br /><br />“He’ll forget me. Let him forget me.” <br /><br />Richard let out a long sigh in response, “Joana, we keep avoiding each other, we both clearly haven’t moved on, couldn’t we just...try to work this out?”<br /><br />“No, no Richard. I wanted a clean ending and this is what we agreed on, I don’t want lose ends and dragging things on. Let’s just hold onto those couple of years for memory’s sake and not ruin it by trying to do this again.” Joana sighed. “Look, I got to run I need to go find Neil. If I can find sometime, I’ll let you know.” She said before giving him an awkward hug and walked away.<br /><br />As soon as she was sure she was out of Richard’s sight, she stopped and look down at her collar, making sure that the silver chain around her neck wasn’t visible, that the wedding band she wore for two years that was hanging on it wasn’t visible. She couldn’t let him know that he still haunted her thoughts. <br /><br />She couldn’t shake him off but she knew she had to and it was getting a little easier every day. <br /><br />On a subconscious level they both knew at the point they wouldn’t speak much more from that day on, actively avoiding each other and trying their best not cross paths and just slowly fading each other out of their lives. Becoming another shadowy figure in their individual lives. <br /><br />There she stood in the middle of Melbourne Park and severed any hope of the future, preventing each other from holding onto the scraps of good memory to use it as an excuse to try it again.<br /><br />There she was in the place where it all started and where it all ended. <br /><br />Square one. The starting point. Alpha.<br /><br /><center>A. - FIN.</center></blockquote></blockquote> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:de_milmentiras:15307 2009-04-21T16:01:02Z 2009-05-15T15:17:05Z Natasha Thomas - Let Me Show You(The Way) (Pub Lacoste Touch Of Pink) | Powered by Last.fm <b>Alpha - Twenty Four - PG-13</b><br />(I do not know all the names mentioned within, none of this happened. I made up a LOT of stuff and forgot a fair few stuff for the sake of my own convinience. Richard's results and tennis related stuff mentioned of 2006 and 2008 are true however. )<br /><br /><blockquote>*Joana is on the verge of a new life afraid to that that leap. Leaving the life as she knows it and entering a whole different world, tells herself she will not lose herself in this new world. Then she stumbles into the world that she knows nothing about, but she is intrigued. She intrigues <i>him</i> and she intrigued with <i>him</i>. She dares, she dares to let her mind wonder about a future after one brief encouter with Richard Gasquet - though she knows deep down inside that she is more likely to be one of the many encouters for him. (After all, she is nothing, to him and his world.)<br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br /><blockquote><i>twenty four</i> (May 2010)<br /><br />“Okay you boys behave yourselves okay?” Joana said, spinning on her heels making sure she had packed everything and not forgotten anything. <br /><br />“Sure you have everything, really?” Richard teased as Joana just pulled a face at him in response. <br /><br />“So charming mon coeur.” Joana grinned. “I will be back before you know it, if you feel like you can’t handle it, Marie’s number is on the fridge.” <br /><br />Richard nodded and shooed her out of the door as the cab pulled into their driveway. “Joana, it’s not like I haven’t looked after Luc for an entire week before. We’ll be fine, go. Don’t work too hard.” <br /><br />Joana picked up her bags and took one step out of the house and looked back over her shoulder at Richard. She liked the fact that she was able to go away and work for an entire week but she also hated the fact that Richard was now having a rough season of one set back after another. Injury after injury and constant difficulty to find match winning form again after every injury. <br /><br />She set down her bags and pressed a firm kiss against his lips before she could make herself walk away again. She was enjoying the freedom and yet it was breaking her heart. <br /><br />He put on such a brave face on now, the first several times it was so hard for her to watch, he was so easily broken and shattered into pieces. She just simply didn’t know how to put him back together again she just knew how to make him forget and how to make him hurt a little less. <br /><br />Joana shook off the worried face and smiled as she waved to Richard before climbing into the car, airport, another plane, another city. It was almost like in the beginning again. How all of this manic life of hers started changing. <br /><br />She worked with different people every occasion, several were new, people se had never met before when she was working in London. So many seemed to recognise her however, for the reasons she really disliked for. <br /><br />“You know Joana I imagine?” Alicia (who was now becoming Joana’s new familiar face) said, introducing her to someone else standing next to her as she walked through the arrivals of Munich. <br /><br />“Yes, of course. I’ve heard so much about you. Caroline Fawkes.” The woman introduced herself, offering Joana her hand. Joana looked at her cautiously before shaking her hand, trying to decipher what Caroline had meant by she had heard so much about herself. <br /><br />“Joana King.” She replied firmly in response, she still seemed to be introducing herself by that name, which surprised everyone around her; everyone had just assumed she would take Richard’s name. She had refused, it was another scene between her and Richard but she won that battle and she was still a King. <br /><br />Apparently Caroline was also no exception to this as Joana saw her response and then realised what she was so famous for again. <br /><br />“Oh, you kept your name?”<br /><br />“Yeah. I did, why? Should I have taken his name because it would get me such a better social status?” Joana said bitterly then realised how rudely that had just come out of her mouth and quickly apologised. <br /><br />“You are stuff of legends.” Caroline continued on their car ride to their hotel. <br /><br />“I-what?” Joana said looking blankly at the woman who couldn’t be more than two years older than her. <br /><br />“Girl on apprenticeship gets lucky enough for her first experience to be at the Australian Open, despite being clueless about the sport casually enters the life of one of the world’s best, hits the jackpot and marries him in two years of first meeting. Sort of legend. It’s like a modern day fairytale.”<br /><br />“Hits the jackpot?” She repeated, feeling uncomfortable slightly at the terms being used. <br /><br />“Richard Gasquet, oh come on. He’s attractive, young, fit, got successful from such a young age so he’s also ridiculously rich. He’s the whole package deal. Don’t act like you aren’t aware of it.”<br /><br />Alicia coughed to interrupt the conversation knowing that Joana was extremely uncomfortable when it came to this matter of every other third perspective at her and Richard’s relationship being so materialised. <br /><br />It was understandable but it really was an aspect about Richard she didn’t think about that much at all. Or notice too much at times. From the very beginning he was always just Richard, the core of him, that vulnerable fragile and sensitive man that he was inside. Being so young and successful people seemed to think he didn’t care for much for that side. <br /><br />She was sure had she met Richard in any other situation, any other surroundings, she would have fallen for him just the same. That she would adore him just as much and want him just as much. They seemed to make each other keep going, keep each other sane at times and happy and smiling at times when they needed it the most.<br /><br />Though of late they had been driving each other more insane and by the day Joana was getting fed up of her life becoming slightly more suffocated. Joana was sure she would have still picked him. <br /><br />It seemed that Alicia had talked to Caroline about the matter and Richard wasn’t brought up that much at all during the week they were working in Munich. Joana was able to be just Joana King as the photographer, as the person she was when she had that camera in her hand and when she saw the world through that viewfinder as she firmly pressed down on the shutter.<br /><br />The Joana King that had incredible rush of adrenaline and ecstasy every time she heard that shutter click and felt the inner parts of her camera whirring in her hands. <br /><br />She could breathe again. <br /><br />She forgot who she was outside of this world, inside this world she was beginning to become something of her own. Not yet the best but striving to be, forever striving to be. She was at the bottom end of the all the photographers that worked for Panorama but she was being handed more and more opportunities than she could have ever imagined. <br /><br />Joana wasn’t sure if it was because she liked to forget the fact that sometime she was married and that she had a family to hold down or if it was because she had been wearing it for so long she hardly noticed the wedding band on her left hand anymore. It was only when she really stared at her hand for a while before she remembered and missed that part of her life a little. <br /><br />Marriage had indeed so many more ups and downs than she had expected.<br /><br />“What are you daydreaming about?” Alicia said waving her hand in front of Joana’s face. “Missing home? The husband? The baby?”<br /><br />“Huh? What? No.” Joana said quickly and was surprised how quickly she was able to say no to the questions. A fraction of a second of hesitation before she came out with a firm no for an answer. <br /><br />“Really? Well I suppose you are used to being apart seeing as he’s always away and all that?” <br /><br />“Yeah. Sort of like that.” Joana mumbled into the glass before she took a sip out of it.<br /><br />Last night in Munich before she had to return to Switzerland back to the life she had wanted to escape from for a little while. Her and Alicia were on their third round of drinks sitting in the hotel bar. Joana wished that the night would never end. <br /><br />“He’s always away, it doesn’t seem fair.” She continued<br /><br />“It’s his job after all.” Alicia laughed slightly.<br /><br />“Well yes but this is my job too, to travel armed with a camera tucked one arm isn’t it?” <br /><br />Alicia nodded in response as she took a large sip to empty her glass. <br /><br />“So why is it that he gets to live his life more than I do? He’s tasted success and I’m just working towards it. Why can’t it be my turn?” Joana whined a little, she was not holding words back now and the words were just flowing out of her after a little too much over the daily unit of alcohol.<br /><br />“It’s just the way it is Jo. It’s just the way it is.”<br /><br />“Well why is it? Alicia, you have no idea. It’s so suffocating to be there, to be trapped in that house with Luc, not trusting my own knowledge well enough to go out and enjoy life there so much. But then I look at him and remember all the good things and how much I need him and how much he needs me and I forget it all. But then he leaves again and I feel like I can’t do it.”<br /><br />“Why don’t you just go stay in London when he’s away then?” <br /><br />“I’ve been thinking that. I’m afraid I’ll never leave it.” Joana laughed, “I’m just...if I get away and go home I want to be on my own and try to remember who Joana King is. Like now. Like how this week has been.” <br /><br />“Work more then. Take on more. Dump Luc at Richard’s parents’ if you have to.”<br /><br />Alicia’s words brought her wide awake, well-alert. The idea she had been tossing about in her head for a while since Richard ever suggested it. She had avoided it because she disliked the confrontation with Richard’s parents. They always seemed to look at her disapprovingly. Somehow the idea of having to ask them to look after Luc felt like she was proving to them exactly why they should be worried about her. But the idea was so refreshing, at that moment Alicia’s suggestion sounded as if it was a whole new option for her.<br /><br />She was actually prepared to consider it. <br /><br />‘I’m scared I’ll never want him back after the freedom it offers me.’ She thought before she said anything else, ‘God I’m an awful mother.’<br /><br />“I should go to bed. I’m talking rubbish now.” Joana said instead of the words in her head. Alicia nodded as she remained seated. Indicating that she was in the mood for another drink Joana smirked a little as she pushed out of her chair and headed up to her room.<br /><br />Tipsy, stumbling through the hotel lobby and the hallways. Outside her own room.<br /><br />This felt awfully familiar. The last time she was this drunk in a hotel, Luc happened.<br /><br />She pressed her forehead against the cool door as she attempted to regain her balance. She wondered if that had never happened and ended the way it had, would she still be here?<br /><br />Struggling to break free?<br /><br />Gasping for air?<br /><br />Made out to be a gold digging brainless blonde by all the tabloids?<br /><br />Having her name known to the world for a completely different reason to what she had dreamt it would?<br /><br />What if Halle never happened, what if Pau never happened, would she still have ended up with Richard? <br /><br />Joana laughed hard at herself, at the state of herself. How ridiculous it seemed to have this debate in her head when struggling to stand on her feet. Or was it because she was drunk she was having these thoughts and they weren’t her real thoughts at all?<br /><br />“Oh Jo. Oh Joana. What an idiot you are.” She laughed again as she unlocked the door of her room, collapsing onto her bed. Somehow avoiding to trip over the bags by the doorway. Falling into a deep drunken sleep before she had to return to her routine life. <br /><br />**<br />Joana was sure with the improved technology that eventually with time going through an airport would be quicker by now. But it didn’t seem that way. She complained under her breath as she followed through the masses through the usual controls. She was slowly regretting the amount of alcohol she had consumed the night before. It seemed to have caused her the worst hangover she’d had in a while on top of her tiredness.<br /><br />She barely felt alive when she finally stumbled through into the arrivals seeing a blur of people around her.<br /><br />“Maman!” She heard the familiar voice from somewhere around her, it didn’t take her long to figure it out when she saw her son running at her. <br /><br />“Hey little guy.” Joana greeted him full of life, setting down her bag to scoop him up. Holding him in her arms again made her forget about everything she wanted to complain about her life. She was home, Luc was home. In the corner of her eye she saw Richard being bombarded a little by the locals who had just spotted their local celebrity. Laughing a little Joana put Luc down and walked towards him, Luc in one hand and carrying her luggage in the other. <br /><br />“Hey. I wasn’t expecting to see you here.” She said as soon as Richard was able to pull away from the crowd. <br /><br />“Luc got a little too excited waiting for you and I figured I should, I never have come out to see you.” He smiled, wrapping am around her waist, pulling her closer towards him before placing a light kiss on her lips. Taking her luggage from her hands as he pulled away slowly from her. <br /><br />“Thanks.” She muttered in response and turned to Luc before picking him up again, she had missed having him in her arms it seemed though when she was away all she could think about was to breaking from him and this life she had just stumbled back into. <br /><br />Joana spotted in the corner of her eye, Richard looking at the pair of them and heard him laugh a little. She quickly turned her head away from her toddler and at him who just grinned back at her. <br /><br />“What?” She said, as she climbed into the back of Richard’s car. <br /><br />“Just thought that it might be a little nice for Luc to have a brother or a sister...” Richard trailed off, grinning a little. <br /><br />“I hope you’re kidding.” Joana managed to say after a while trying to get her head around the whole statement again. <br /><br />“No, I mean not...now. Just thought it would be good.” <br /><br />Joana didn’t say anymore and just narrowed her eyes at him until he finally just laughed and turned the ignition of the car. One child was hard enough to handle there would have be seriously good convincing for her to even consider it. <br /><br />Richard appeared to be regretting a little for even suggesting the idea from the silence from Joana for most part of the journey. “When are you planning to work again?” He said feeling the need to break the silence in the car himself. <br /><br />“Not sure, I don’t think I’ll be going anywhere for a while?” <br /><br />“Good.” <br /><br />Joana raised an eyebrow at the comment, good, what he could possibly mean by ‘good’. <br /><br />“You are coming with me to London, so yes that’s good.” <br /><br />“You what?” She chocked out, “I am now, am I?” <br /><br />“I know you don’t get to work in London and I thought it’d be a good excuse for you to go home, unless you have a problem with that, of course.” <br /><br />“Problem? A problem with that? No.” <br /><br />“We can spend the entire grass court season together. Considering, I’ll be able to play that is.” <br /><br />“How’s the training going?” It just crossed Joana’s mind just then that he would have been working on recovery with one of his favourite part of his season around the corner, seeing as he had to miss out on the clay, the grass seemed like the next thing for him to look forward to. <br /><br />“Good, good. I think I will make it. If I don’t, we can just hang out in London. We’ve never really done that.” <br /><br />“Oh such good surprises, you sir are a man on a mission.” Joana laughed, her heart fluttering already at the thought of going to London again and finally getting to tour with him, even if it was for couple of weeks. “I might even have to consider that baby proposal.” She said, just laughing already beginning to visualise home in her again, she couldn’t believe it had already been a year and half since she had set her foot down in London.<br /><br />She could see her house, her family and see those streets she used to walk down all the time. Maybe things were taking a good turn now in her life, she could stop complaining because everything really was going to work out. They would find a way to work this out, she told herself. At that moment questioning why on Earth she had wanted to run away from this in the first place. <br /><br />Suddenly feeling completely content with the world again.</blockquote></blockquote> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:de_milmentiras:15028 2009-04-21T15:58:29Z 2009-05-09T12:53:08Z Britney Spears - If U Seek Amy | Powered by Last.fm <b>Alpha - Twenty Three - PG-13</b><br />(I do not know all the names mentioned within, none of this happened. I made up a LOT of stuff and forgot a fair few stuff for the sake of my own convinience. Richard's results and tennis related stuff mentioned of 2006 and 2008 are true however. )<br /><br /><blockquote>*Joana is on the verge of a new life afraid to that that leap. Leaving the life as she knows it and entering a whole different world, tells herself she will not lose herself in this new world. Then she stumbles into the world that she knows nothing about, but she is intrigued. She intrigues <i>him</i> and she intrigued with <i>him</i>. She dares, she dares to let her mind wonder about a future after one brief encouter with Richard Gasquet - though she knows deep down inside that she is more likely to be one of the many encouters for him. (After all, she is nothing, to him and his world.)<br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br /><blockquote><i>twenty three</i> (December 2008-)<br /><br />Joana’s head turned immediately as she heard the sounds of the key turning in her front door, taking a moment to think why he felt the need to use his own keys, before reacting to the noise. Checking in the corner of her eye, to make sure Luc wasn’t going to get himself in any mess in the next thirty seconds, she headed out of the living room, pushing off the tangled Christmas lights from her lap. As she stepped out onto the entrance hall of the house, the front door swung inwards and she watched for the door to swing past her line of sight to see behind it the face she had been longing to past two weeks. <br /><br />It felt as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders as he took careful steps into the house. She like she could breathe again. Two weeks, two weeks, it had barely been two weeks and she had felt so alone, so trapped. At times she questioned if she really could cope with this at all. <br /><br />As soon as she saw Richard on her front door step again, she felt all of those thoughts disappear and she knew it was worth it. For a life she had promised him, because he’d always come back. <br /><br />Joana didn’t let him set the bags down from his shoulder and hands, didn’t let him say much either and threw her arms around him and held him tight. She shuddered a little initially against his cold face. It took Richard aback slightly; almost making him topple backwards. He laughed softly against her ear as he regained his balance, shutting the door slowly behind him with one hand. <br /><br />“So glad you’re back. I missed you so much.” <br /><br />“I can tell that you’re happy.” Richard grinned as he pulled away from Joana’s arms slowly. “I missed you too, funny seeing as we’ve been away longer before.” He continued, pressing a kiss on Joana’s forehead. <br /><br />“I suppose.” Joana shrugged. <br /><br />Richard opened his mouth to respond as a loud squeal came from the room further down the hallway, a noise they both could identify as Luc’s shrill of utter joy. Joana thought for a minute as Richard turned his attention wards the living room, wondering if she had left Luc doing anything too exciting and new to him. She couldn’t seem to figure it out before she followed after Richard’s footsteps.<br /><br />Of course – the Christmas lights. <br /><br />Joana threw her hands up in the air at the sight in front of her. The tangled wires she had been trying to unravel for the past half an hour was in a worse state than before. Entangled with tinsels and all. Her 23month old son didn’t seem to notice the evident stress and lack of patience growing on his mother’s face and happily sat in the middle of the web he had created, grinning. <br /><br />“I give up, seriously.” Joana sighed as she crossed her arms across her chest, shooting looks at Luc and Richard. <br /><br />Richard wasn’t exactly helping the situation, he laughed at the sight in front of him as Luc giggled and chortled happily. She was amused at first but this was now the forth time he had managed to weave a un-unravel-able web. She hadn’t even had the chance to put it on the tree. <br /><br />Noticing Joana’s lack of humour at the situation, Richard glanced back at Luc and carefully pulled him out of the mess, causing a slight irritable noise to come out from the toddler’s mouth. Richard set him down on the sofa behind them before carefully approaching Joana. <br /><br />Cautiously Richard came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist, her body tense and rigid, trying to shake him off a little. As he resisted strongly, Joana’s body loosened against his as she let out a long sigh. <br /><br />“I’m sorry, it’s just I really wanted everything to be perfect before you got back and-”<br /><br />“Everything is perfect, what more do you need for this to be perfect?” He cut her off, planting a kiss on the base of her neck. <br /><br />“I don’t know it’s just...you know it’s our first Christmas together, I just wanted everything to be...in place. Everything to be right.” <br /><br />“If everything was, that wouldn’t be us at all, would it now Joana?” Richard laughed, which made Joana smile a little. “Joyeux noël mon cœur.” <br /><br />“I’m glad you could manage to tear yourself away from the tennis and team Lagardère for Christmas.”<br /><br />“I couldn’t miss it, it’s our first Christmas after all.” He said as he pulled away from her slowly, “And I thought we should go visit my parents’ tomorrow until I have to leave again before the new year?” <br /><br />Joana turned to him, mouth open with a thousand words running through her head and calmly collected it before speaking them. “I was thinking about going to London instead?” <br /><br />“Well, I told my parents that we are coming already and arranged all the transport to get there tomorrow morning.” <br /><br />“Oh.” Joana let out, she couldn’t quite believe he would just decide that on his own for them, it is not as if she didn’t have a family of her own to think about and family traditions of her own that she wanted to keep. “Well, if you told them already then, fine.” <br /><br />“Next year, we can spend it in London next year, I promise.” <br /><br />Joana forced herself to nod, trying to contain her snapping nature bubbling under her skin. It seemed like a fair enough deal. “Okay, so let’s get you unpacked then and actually start celebrating this Christmas thing.” She said in the most cheerful tone she could manage. <br /><br />She headed up the stairs carrying the smaller bag ahead of Richard, remembering that she had left the tickets she had bought for London in the room, as a surprise present to him and her parents. She had to get there ahead of him and get rid of it before he saw it. As soon as she stepped into their room, she headed for the dresser and picked up the colourful envelope sitting on it. <br /><br />The non-refundable tickets. The ones she wanted to surprise him with. The arrangements she had wanted to make. <br /><br />**<br /><br />The two weeks Richard had been training nearing the end of the off season felt like absolutely nothing compared to what she had to live through when the actual season started. She couldn’t even consider travelling with him, though he had suggested it. She blamed it on Luc of course, that it would be too complicated, hard and too tiring for everyone. And that she was still waiting on to hear any further progress about her employment status. <br /><br />She had not been formally given a job by Panorama, the place she had given everything for a year, hoping that at the end of her apprenticeship was a job of any kind for her to do. The only thing she did do was take photos of her life, everyday, her life that seemed to be so routine and unsatisfying she was convinced she was turning more insane by the day. <br /><br />Luc, most of the time it was spent with him, looking after him and barely having time to breathe as he got older and more active. As he got old enough, she was able to push aside conscience and be free of him for half a day leaving him in day care where she spent the time trying to conquer her language barrier and trying to make this place feel more like home. <br /><br />The half the day seemed so short as the days went by and Luc was starting to look like a setback and a huge obstacle in her life. <br /><br />When there was little time between his early exits from a tournament and the next one, Richard didn’t bother coming back to home, he usually spent the days in between in Paris. Joana felt alone and lost, couldn’t breathe. <br /><br />But for the first year of the marriage she learned to adjust to it, find ways to fit her life and her needs around it. Put Richard’s needs and Luc’s needs ahead of hers. She found little job when Panorama were happy to take her back on to their payroll, she used the time Richard was occasionally home to travel across the country to work or to go over to the next country to cover the sports events. <br /><br />The work she was doing wasn’t as major as in the days of her apprenticeship, but she hadn’t expected it to be. She was just so glad when she was able to get out of the house and away. She was pursuing what she wanted to do with life after all, she could be tired and physically drained from doing the work in the cold, in the rain and the wind or under the scorching sun all day on her feet or in awkward positions. <br /><br />She simply didn’t care. <br /><br />Soon her workload slowly began to increase and she took it on as it came until she had to keep asking for it to be allocated to someone else as Richard’s schedule didn’t seem to fit with her own. <br /><br />“Where have you been?” Richard almost raged at her as she came home after another weekend away working. <br /><br />“Erm, working? You know, I do that?” Joana said in a light hearted way but Richard had that look on his face that she knew where it would lead to. She just let out a sigh and walked past him and upstairs into her study where she dropped off all of her luggage and equipment before she came back downstairs to confront her husband. <br /><br />Her husband, a very odd concept to her still though it had been more than a year. <br /><br />Joana walked into the living room where she saw Luc happily watching TV sitting on the floor and saw Richard in the corner of her eye, sitting there shooting her a look before she headed out of the room again towards the kitchen. <br /><br />“Merci beaucoup Marie, you are a lifesaver. When did Richard get back?”She said smiling at the woman sitting by the counter in her kitchen with a mug in her hand. <br /><br />“Ce matin.” Marie replied.<br /><br />“I hope he wasn’t too much of a pain?” <br /><br />“Non, he was just a...bit surprised to see me and seemed unhappy?” said Marie searching through her English vocabulary.<br /><br />“I’m surprised he didn’t throw you out.” Joana laughed a little. “For the weekend and now for putting up with my dramatic husband...” she trailed off, with a grin as she handed over an envelope, after counting the notes inside it once again.<br /><br />Marie took the envelope cautiously and headed out of the house, only then did Joana go back into the living room. Richard only glanced at her once more and didn’t say anything, that look of discontent on his face. <br /><br />“Oh for Godsake Richard, what? What is it?” Joana huffed.<br /><br />“I thought I told you that I didn’t want any stranger looking after Luc.” Richard said bluntly, not looking at Joana. <br /><br />“Yes but I needed to go, the person who was supposed to go cancelled and I was only one nearest and free. What should I have done? Take Luc with me across the continent whilst I tried to work? Richard. Look at me.”<br /><br />“If you want to work, we can leave him with my parents when we are both away. I just don’t want him alone with a stranger for an entire weekend, can you imagine the horror when I came home this morning Joana?” Years on, Richard still called her Joana, not Jo like everyone else she knew in her life. He snapped his head across to look at her. <br /><br />“I don’t want that either. He doesn’t need to be in another country, I’m never away that long, I never take on anything that will take me away that long. I just need someone to stay with him for three days at most.”<br /><br />Richard didn’t say anything for a while and stared down at the floor before slowly lifting his head again to speak. “Why do you work anyway Joana? You don’t need to.”<br /><br />Joana’s jaw dropped, her mouth opened in horror at what Richard was suggesting. She didn’t even know where to begin with her thoughts. “What? You want me to just sit at home and look at Luc, look after the house and have no life of my own?”<br /><br />“I’m not saying don’t have a life of your own, you can have a life of your own here, you just never gave it a chance. Always found something awkward about it for you not to try. I’m sure you’ll find ways to love just staying here. I just want you to be home when I come home.”<br /><br />Her lips parted again to argue but she saw no point and waved it off before heading out of the room, storming upstairs into her study. Shocked by the words she had just heard from Richard’s lips. The words that came from the man she adored so much and was so sure she wanted to live the rest of her life with. <br /><br />She couldn’t quite believe he honestly thought that she should be just a housewife at twentysomething.<br /><br />In her head, she was packing her bags to leave and go back to London and taking this all out to her mum, her dad and her best friends. But in reality she couldn’t do that, she couldn’t get herself to leave. As much as she disliked this life at times, she adored so many other parts of it.<br /><br />A bad day, it was just a bad day she told herself. That Richard hadn’t honestly truly meant every word of that, that those words occurred as a result of the shock of what he found out in the morning. <br /><br />Instead she picked up the phone and called home, just to talk to her mum, to hear her voice again to get through this rough patch.</blockquote></blockquote> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:de_milmentiras:14713 2009-04-21T15:50:42Z 2009-04-24T13:36:21Z Maroon 5 - Kiwi <b>Alpha - Twenty Two - PG-13</b><br />(I do not know all the names mentioned within, none of this happened. I made up a LOT of stuff and forgot a fair few stuff for the sake of my own convinience. Richard's results and tennis related stuff mentioned of 2006 and 2008 are true however. )<br /><br /><blockquote>*Joana is on the verge of a new life afraid to that that leap. Leaving the life as she knows it and entering a whole different world, tells herself she will not lose herself in this new world. Then she stumbles into the world that she knows nothing about, but she is intrigued. She intrigues <i>him</i> and she intrigued with <i>him</i>. She dares, she dares to let her mind wonder about a future after one brief encouter with Richard Gasquet - though she knows deep down inside that she is more likely to be one of the many encouters for him. (After all, she is nothing, to him and his world.)<br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br /><blockquote><i>twenty two</i> (November 2008)<br /><br />It seemed like she was always rushing out of the house, the city and the country. She never was in the same place long enough, which is good sometimes but sometimes it just annoyed her so much as it meant she couldn’t be with Luc and sometimes it meant that she had to get so many things done with Luc. <br /><br />Again she had left Luc behind and she was heading towards the airport, to leave the city to another new city. More and more she thought about it, she thought she really ought to have brought Luc with her, she couldn’t help but to want to change her mind and rearrange her flight details. <br /><br />“He’s almost two now Jo, relax, relax. You’ll see him again in a week.” She muttered to herself.<br /><br />The familiar noise rang throughout the car and Joana quickly answered her phone thinking there was already something wrong back home with Luc. <br /><br />“Yea-hello?” <br /><br />“Where the hell are you?” Another familiar noise to her ear, as much of a discomfort of being yelled at was, she was relieved and comforted by the fact that it wasn’t either of her parents yelling and panicking down the phone. <br /><br />“I’m on my way. Jesus, calm down.” Joana laughed, “I’m twenty minute tops, away now? It’s not like you to be on time.”<br /><br />“And it’s very like you not to be.”<br /><br />“Ssh. Is everyone else there?”<br /><br />“No.”<br /><br />“So why the shouting at me for being later than you? There are other two people to pick on!”<br /><br />“You are the easiest King.”<br /><br />“You are such a bully.” Joana wailed sarcastically down the phone, “Why didn’t we all go to the airport together you know, it’s not like we live miles from each other and I would have avoided an earful.”<br /><br />“I don’t know, just. Hurry up.”<br /><br />“It’s not like I can fly or drive this thing. Patience. I’ll call you as soon as I’m in the building okay? Until then hassle the other two!” Joana said laughing before she hung up, she stared at her phone for a while before putting it away. She was sure it once used to be in a lot better condition before she had started travelling all the time. Adding a new phone to her mental list of things to do and buy she buried it into her bag. <br /><br />**<br /><br />“Béziers, this is such a random place. Just so you know.”<br /><br />“You can say that again,” Joana found herself agreeing to as they stepped out of the airport, following the cab driver that she had arranged to pick them up. <br /><br />“Why out of all the places in the world? Why somewhere I have never heard of before?”<br /><br />“Charles, shut it.” Joana said, shooting a glare in her best friend’s direction, “I’ve told you the reasons plenty of times now.” She continued as she wandered on couple of paces ahead of the other three. <br /><br />“I’m with Charlie on this you know. Why? Why not London?” Kerrie chimed in as Joana started handing in the driver’s direction her luggage, she rolled her eyes at her friend’s comment before she returned her focus back on getting her stuff loaded into the car. With every second that ticked on by she was slowly regretting inviting her friends for this trip. The three of them were creating a rather large cloud of negative energy. <br /><br />It was made worse by the fact that she was agreeing to a certain degree of all the comments they were making. <br /><br />“You’ve already sacrificed home for him as he stubbornly refused to live elsewhere and somehow led you to believe moving to Switzerland is a good idea.” Charlie continued as he sat down in the cab next to Joana. <br /><br />“Exactly. Would it have killed him to let you have the wedding in London? Before you leave it for what would suggest for rest of your life?” Kerrie joined in again as she took the seat in the front. <br /><br />Rhea silently took the seat on the other side of Joana, Rhea was the one who had rarely voiced her opinions throughout the journey. But everything from her indicated that she agreed with what was coming out of Kerrie and Charlie’s mouth. Joana looked to her right at B to hear her views on the debate topic and Rhea just looked back at her and shrugged. <br /><br />“Kids. Look, I invited you all because I love you all and you guys keep my world from falling apart-”<br /><br />“She says, the girl who didn’t mention the guy she is marrying at the end of the week until she was four months pregnant with his child.” Charlie cut her off. <br /><br />“Okay I know you guys hate me for keeping you out of the loop then but this is different now okay? This is going to be one of the greatest moments in my life and I want you guys to be all part of it. To have a say in it. To be supportive.” Joana continued with a firm voice as she looked to each and every one of her friends in the eye. <br /><br />“It’s not that we aren’t supportive of him Jo, it’s just happened so fast and eugh, France? Then you are going to be all the way in Switzerland.” Charlie muttered. <br /><br />“Yeah. What he said.” Kerrie grinned, “It’s just we all assumed that you’d do it at home. But yes, sorry. We’ll stop this now and just help you make sure that this weeding is almost perfection for you.”<br /><br />Joana looked around the car and smiled, she could not have wanted this any other way. Would not have wanted to finalize the details of her wedding with anyone else but the three best friends she bickered with 24/7 and the three friends she could always call her loves of her life. The three friends who were her shield when the media finally exposed her and Richard and exploded. When the tabloids dug up her biography and presented it to the world, how she was a nobody and he was not. That she appeared from nowhere was clearly in it for the time in the spotlight and the money. <br /><br />When she had said yes to his proposal in Paris she had no idea what would follow for the next six months. But there she was at the end of the six months about to see through that promise. <br /><br />She checked in the two large suites that were booked for her and her friends, though she was sure majority of the time of the week ahead would be spent in one room. The first day consisted of jus settling in, checking out the local area and Joana being forced to being a tour guide of the place she had visited just the one time before. The rest of the week would consist of ticking boxes in a long list of things and trying to plan the supposedly discreet wedding. <br /><br />As she had suspected, Kerrie and Charlie had not left her and Rhea’s room and had collapsed after one-too-many, in a heap onto the beds. Joana laughed at the such predictable sight and left the bedroom towards the balcony, looking over the town in silence. The town where her story would start a whole new chapter. <br /><br />“Not having second thoughts already I hope?” Rhea said walking out towards Joana, which made her jump as usual, Rhea just had to smile at the sight, the Joana as she knew it. <br /><br />“I’ve had the third, fourth and fifth already in the past 6 months Rhea.” Joana laughed. “You think I’m crazy too, don’t you?”<br /><br />Rhea shrugged and leant on the banister next to Joana. “Crazy is not the right word.” She laughed, “Where’s Richard anyway? Surely he should be sharing the workload.”<br /><br />“Some tennis…thing.” Joana grinned. “He should be here by Wednesday?” <br /><br />“Some tennis thing, nice.” Rhea said dryly. <br /><br />“Rhea, if you have something to say to me then say it now.” Joana said glancing over at her.<br /><br />“Do I look like I have something to say?”<br /><br />“Erm yes. You do. You always have the last insightful say on everything.” <br /><br />“Well, in that case. “ Rhea said, the grin on her face quickly disappearing, “I just think there have been too any compromises already.”<br /><br />“Marriage is a compromise though, isn’t it?” Joana laughed a little.<br /><br />“Then why is it so far you are the one losing everything and sacrificing everything?”<br /><br />“It’s not been that many Rhea, don’t overreact.” <br /><br />“Home? We’ve been trough that I guess. The fact that you are getting married somewhere that is more convenient for him and his family. The fact that you are losing the world you know, the world you have lived and breathed in for twenty one years to go into the completely unknown. You are doing all the hard work too, you are the one being forced into a situation where you have to actually learn a new language. You have to put in most of the input for this wedding Isn’t it supposed to be you and Richard’s wedding? Not just yours?”<br /><br />“Rhea…” Joana trailed off. “It’s not his fault that;, is it? I mean he is busier than me and I Would have had to learn French anyway…” She said defensively. “You are being far too pessimistic about all of this.”<br /><br />“Okay maybe I am. But how hard was it for you Jo to find an apprenticeship? And to find it somewhere with good enough reputation to do it? You have hardly started in your world and what? What are you doing to do now? Not to mention your originally losing almost two years because you had to have and raise the son he never knew about. If it wasn’t for that too maybe you would have had the chance to be something, a somebody in your world so far. It’s easy for him, he’s already a somebody in his world but what about you? How many more things are you willing to sacrifice and lose before he loses one? How much more Jo are you willing to give up what makes you – you to keep him?”<br /><br />**<br /><br />Joana couldn’t hate Rhea more for voicing the very thoughts that had been haunting her own brain, the thoughts that she thought as long as she didn’t say it out loud it wouldn’t be reality and that it was just something chaotic in her head. Like most things in her head, it wasn’t real and it wasn’t as bad as it seemed. Since Rhea had said it she couldn’t stop thinking about it and the engagement ring on her left hand she was staring at never felt heavier, she couldn’t push the thought out of her mind as easily as she could before when Richard finally joined them rest of the week to finish making the final decisions for the biggest day in their lives so far. <br /><br />She couldn’t stop Rhea’s voice echoing in her head at what was supposed to be highlight of the entire wedding ceremony, the best moment and that magical moment everyone just dreams of doing. That moment in front of everyone that they love and care about to be definitely say out loud that she was certain and that she wanted to promise and devote the rest of the life to the person standing next to her. <br /><br />The two simple words that would seal that promise. <br /><br />She couldn’t quite breathe at the moment, that moment when she realized it was finally happening that the years of mind games (or lack of games) and the months of secretive planning was coming down to this. She wasn’t sure if it was the uncertainty in her own mind, the uncertainty carried in Rhea’s echoing voice or if it was the dress was in fact too tight as she did initially worry, but one thing was for sure, she felt a little suffocated.<br /><br />A little panicked. <br /><br />She knew that what followed was going to simple, easy. Just two words she knew and just had to get to leave her lips and it would be almost over. This whole stressful ceremony she had been planning frantically for would be over and what was just left was a beautiful life ahead of her with Luc and Richard. <br /><br />Joana saw a faint look of worry and panic cast over Richard’s face since her lips had parted and no words had come out, a look on his face she knew she would never be able to erase from her mind for the rest of her life. <br /><br />Quickly she glanced down the aisle at the people behind them, which turned out to be a bad idea as all of them were looking at her on the edge of their seat, willing her towards just that one outcome that everyone was expecting. <br /><br />She only really needed to make eye contact with one person to be sure that she wanted to go through with this, but that one person had refused to make eye contact with her. Which did say plenty, that Rhea still thought that this was not the best idea ever but she was just there to be supportive to Joana to be a good friend. <br /><br />Joana took a deep breath in before breaking the silence that seemed to have lasted far too long. When the words “I do” did tumble out of her mouth, she knew she had done the right thing. She felt the weight being lifted off her shoulders and a huge wave of relief and uncontrollable joy that washed over her. <br /><br />A rush of emotions that let her know that this was supposed to be it and she had done the right thing despite the many questions and may unknowns. Everyday of life had its unknowns and questions marks and doubts, this was just another one of those, she told herself as she just smiled at the relieved looking Richard who looked a little tense during her lack of response. <br /><br />From the moment she said it and to the moment she and Richard left the small reception they had after the ceremony, a part of her knew that she would not hear from Rhea again. That they wouldn’t actively avoid each other but that this decision Joana had made would drift her and Rhea apart. <br /><br />And she knew that all Richard was going to keep reminding her during the journey and at their short get away for their honeymoon was that very moment of her slight panic and moment of doubt. <br /><br />She could easily see thing being brought up also every year during the years ahead of them, every anniversary and laugh over it as with every year she would be proven that she had made the right decision and laugh about how she ever had an ounce of a doubt that this was the wrong decision to make. <br /><br />“So, home.” <br /><br />“Home to somewhere I have not really seen much of before, so I couldn’t exactly say home sweet home just yet.” Joana laughed as she climbed out of the car stepping into unfamiliar surroundings once more. <br /><br />“You saw it once right? In June?” Richard said handing over the fee to the cab driver before unloading the car. <br /><br />“Yeah, once. When you were trying to persuade me how and why this place and Switzerland was a good idea.” <br /><br />“Well then, you are going to be in for a bit of a surprise.” He said, dragging her by the hand towards the entrance of the secluded house. “I know you didn’t exactly hate it before but I had some changes made to it, I just hope you don’t hate it now.” Richard grinned as he finally pulled out his house keys and opening the front door. <br /><br />Joana didn’t say another word and wandered into the hall way and around the house, it was a lot different to how she had remembered it and the last time she had visited it Richard was only half way through moving into it. <br /><br />“I hope the silence is a good sign?” Richard said, returning to the door way after dragging in their luggage into the house after he had left Joana wander around and explore it herself. <br /><br />“It’s a very good sign, it looks so very good.” Replied Joana with a grin on her face as she turned to him. “It feels like home.”<br /><br />“I did have a good second and third opinion to help me finish decorating and furnishing the place. Who assured me you would at least like it.” <br /><br />“Oh? Who were these very wise people? I must thank them.”<br /><br />“Your mom and Charlie? I couldn’t think of better people who knew better.” <br /><br />“Wait, wait, my mother and my best friend went behind my back and sneakily planned furnishing this house with you?” Joana said coming back down the staircase she was half way up on. <br /><br />“Yeah, pretty much.” <br /><br />“Oh I love it.” Joana laughed, “Thank you, for this. You didn’t have to, I would have liked it any way it was.” <br /><br />“I know, but I just felt like I had to do it.” <br /><br />Joana grinned and placed soft kiss on his lips and as she tried to pull away from him, he pulled her back in with that same grin on his face. <br /><br />“You haven’t seen upstairs yet have you, we’ll take the bags up and you can love me more for the amazing job I’ve done.” Richard laughed. <br /><br />“Never mind the bags, I say you just show me our room? Unless you have a problem with that, of course.”<br /><br />“A problem? No, none.” <br /><br />“Good.” Joana smirked as Richard took her hand in his again, leading her back up the stairs. <br /><br />Somehow everything fell into place, finally. After the years of running away from it all, when she manage to stare into it everything became possible and everything was right. A part of her had kicked herself for not having grabbed onto this chance from the beginning because a fairytale was in fact possible.</blockquote></blockquote> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:de_milmentiras:14349 2009-04-21T15:48:13Z 2009-04-21T20:59:57Z Pe2ny - Alive (Feat. Tablo & Yankie) <b>Alpha - Twenty One - PG-13</b><br />(I do not know all the names mentioned within, none of this happened. I made up a LOT of stuff and forgot a fair few stuff for the sake of my own convinience. Richard's results and tennis related stuff mentioned of 2006 and 2008 are true however. )<br /><br /><blockquote>*Joana is on the verge of a new life afraid to that that leap. Leaving the life as she knows it and entering a whole different world, tells herself she will not lose herself in this new world. Then she stumbles into the world that she knows nothing about, but she is intrigued. She intrigues <i>him</i> and she intrigued with <i>him</i>. She dares, she dares to let her mind wonder about a future after one brief encouter with Richard Gasquet - though she knows deep down inside that she is more likely to be one of the many encouters for him. (After all, she is nothing, to him and his world.)<br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br /><blockquote><i>twenty one</i><br /><br />“He looks so much like his dad, it’s quite frightening.” Neil muttered, watching Luc sitting on the table opposite him, who was very much preoccupied with the task of playing with the plastic spoon in his hand. <br /><br />“I know right? Talking of which, Richard wanted us to all go out for dinner today. No excuses.” Joana said looking wide eyed and eager into Neil’s eyes. <br /><br />“No, no. I don’t want to.”<br /><br />“Oh come on Neil, we’ve cleared everything up now and he’s not that bad at all. He knows that you don’t like him and he’s trying to get to know you better as you are a significant part of my life. At least give him a chance for my son’s sake?” Joana grinned, putting on the best puppy-dog eyed look she could pull off. <br /><br />“Jo, don’t give me that look please, you know that is too hard to say no to!” he complained diverting his eyes quickly away from her and focusing completely on the sandwich in his hand. <br /><br />“That is exactly the point.” <br /><br />“It’s still a no, it feels a little forced. I don’t like it. Should we bump into each other and become better on talking terms then maybe. But this dinner invitation I’m going to have to turn down.” <br /><br />Joana groaned and attempted to win him over again with her puppy-dog eyed look, Neil continued to avoid eye contact with her and she just gave up in the end. Putting her focus back onto her son sitting next to her, who was slowly starting to make a mess around his table space. <br /><br />“Okay mister, you are going to have to let me feed you. Seriously.” Joana said, attempting to pry the spoon out of Luc’s hand. <br /><br />“No.”<br /><br />“No?”<br /><br />“No. I do it.” <br /><br />“Please Luc? Let mummy do this please so we can quickly go out there again and find your daddy.”<br /><br />“He understands the significance of Richard?” Neil said, staring at the scene surprised, his voice raised a little at the initial shock. <br /><br />“You could keep your voice down for one and he seems to. I’m not sure.” Joana laughed, “But he seems to have grasped that the words ‘daddy’ equates to Richard. I’m not sure how much further that knowledge goes as in, if he understands the significance of a father.”<br /><br />“Oh Jo, calm down, we could be talking about any Richard. Is he good with Luc?”<br /><br />“They have been pretty much inseparable in the past two days after the initial awkwardness. I think there is something beneath that surface that just connects the two or something. I don’t know.” Laughed Joana. “Richard is so good with him, it’s almost quite natural. It’s strange, I keep wondering why I didn’t just tell him from the beginning.”<br /><br />Neil opened his mouth to give the reason and Joana held up a finger to hush him. “I mean, I know why but-!” <br /><br />Joana turned to Luc again who at her next attempted allowed her to remove the spoon from his grasp. “Thank you Luc.” She smiled as she grabbed the small bowl that was in front of him.<br /><br />“It’s strange.” Neil said, leaning back in his seat, watching her. <br /><br />“What is?”<br /><br />“I’ve been married four years, me and my wife still freak about the idea of having a child and how much it will change our lives. And here you are being so natural in handling it all, as is Richard apparently. I couldn’t do it. Especially seeing as this wasn’t exactly planned either.”<br /><br />Joana shrugged, it surprised her a lot also. After the initial panic of the pregnancy and the sudden fact that hit her hard when she had given birth to Luc that she was in fact a teenage mother. When it came to it, she took to it better than she thought and somehow everything just fit in place. “I guess I had a very good mother raising me, who has been very helpful in making sure I do a decent job of it?” <br /><br />“Well, okay I’m going to leave you to it then, I imagine you are going to head back now?” said Neil as he pushed slowly away from the table. <br /><br />“Yeah, this little one is going to whine and will need to nap in the next hour.” Joana laughed, “Richard should be heading back soon too anyway. Are you still so very sure you don’t want to join us for dinner, really? It’s not too late to take up that invitation.”<br /><br />“Oh so very sure. You take care of yourself and the little one.” He grinned as he ruffled through Luc’s hair before he walked past them, leaving Joana and Luc alone in the dining hall, surrounded by people Joana were still unfamiliar with though she was sure she had probably covered the same events with most of the people sitting in the room. <br /><br />She glanced around a little, feeling slightly out of place and wandering what people were possibly thinking as they were watching her, she had gotten used to the looks of being a teenage mother. But being that in this situation was a completely different thing, she sighed as she stared down at the empty mug in front of her as Luc wailed to get her attention realizing she had a spoonful of his food in her hand. <br /><br />“Sorry.” She laughed at herself at the pure lack of thought at that moment. “Oh look, we seem to have emptied it all. Well done you.” Joana said as she tipped the plastic container in her hand upside down to confirm to Luc that really, there was nothing left then she took a look about her, realizing how much she had now clear up into her bag, though it would be much lighter now. <br /><br />As she began to pack up the many of Luc’s stuff that seemed to be out on the table in front of her, she felt her phone making the back of her chair vibrate, from the jacket she had hung behind her. <br /><br />“Yeaah?” she answered as quickly as she could manage before the call disconnected. <br /><br />“Where are you?” answered back the familiar voice, “and you really have got to change that.” <br /><br />“Change what exactly Richard?”<br /><br />“How you always answer the phone like that.” He laughed. <br /><br />“Oh, yeah that. I should, really. I’ve been doing it subconsciously for too long now. I can’t change it” Joana replied sheepishly, “We are sitting in the canteen area, was just about to leave and call you.”<br /><br />“Okay, stay there, I’ll be right over.” <br /><br />Joana opened her mouth to speak to argue, to tell him not to as the many eyes that are watching then may start drawing the lines between the dots and jumping to their conclusions. There were too many eyes in the room but before she could argue her case Richard had hung up. <br /><br />Joana looked at her phone considering if she should call him back or not but then figured that it was probably pointless and Richard would come up with some sort a reason for him to come anyway. With that thought she put her phone away again and focused back on clearing up the mess in front of her. <br /><br />By the time she had managed to put things back where it should be she saw in the corner of her eye Richard walking towards her and Luc. “Talk about perfect timing.” She muttered as he came behind her, immediately placing a kiss on her cheek. <br /><br />“Hope your day was better than mine?” Richard laughed bitterly as he pulled away, turning his attention to Luc who was looking up at him looking for attention from his father. <br /><br />Joana got up slowly from her seat and eyed him carefully trying to decipher what Richard had exactly meant by that. “It was alright, it was fortunate that Luc isn’t a loud child or there would have been no tennis. Though I think Luc had fun, he looks it.” She said, picking up the bag from the floor next to her, giving Richard a look that told him that it was fine and she could handle it. Grabbing her jacket she spun on her heels, seeing that Luc was already in the care of Richard. “Why wasn’t your day so fabulous?” <br /><br />“Let’s just say, I won’t be playing in Roland Garros.” He said and turned away, walking ahead of her, Luc walking along next to him. <br /><br />It was only then when she saw him walking in front of her she realized what was wrong. Noticing that he wasn’t walking normally and he looked in some discomfort. She let out a long sigh, just standing there for a while watching him, she couldn’t possibly understand what was going on in his head and couldn’t possibly fathom the disappointment he was feeling after he had been so ready to get his season back together again.<br /><br />As she slowly paced behind them she couldn’t help but to look around at the eyes on her and him, more on Richard than her. The very few pairs of eyes that were left in the room seemed to be buzzing , Joana couldn’t hear the words but she assumed it was about her and Luc. <br /><br />“Guillaume.” Joana smiled when they were greeted by Richard’s coach in the cark park, waiting by one of the official cars. <br /><br />Richard and Guillaume exchanged glances, which Joana couldn’t seem to understand and she looked at Richard for an explanation and all she got was a shrug in response. She pulled a face and climbed into the back seat of the car without another word. <br /><br />“So how bad is it?” Joana said to Richard as soon as he had sat down with Luc next to her. <br /><br />“How bad is what?”<br /><br />“Your injury Richard. What else could I possibly mean?”<br /><br />“It’s not that bad, I just need a week, two weeks off. I’ll be ready for the Grass.” He said turning to her with that smile on his face. “Don’t worry about it, it’s tennis, these things just happen. Besides this also means that I can actually spend a full day with you before you leave Paris.” <br /><br />“Hmm. I suppose, okay fine. You better be okay for the grass, I won’t have to travel as far to see you.” Joana laughed as she pulled away Luc from Richard’s lap into the seat between them. “You have a full day left a bit to play with him now so you know.” She said grinning as Richard looked at her disappointedly. <br /><br />“Oh what happened to Neil?”<br /><br />“He’s working rest of the day alone and erm I have to say he declined our invitation. I did ask, several times and every time he said no.” <br /><br />“Really doesn’t like me hm?”<br /><br />“I can’t understand why, you are so hard not to like.” <br /><br />“Exactly.” <br /><br />Joana rolled her eyes at Richard and nudged him a little. <br /><br />**<br />Richard sat in the middle of the bed glancing over at Luc who was fast asleep next to him, a sight he couldn’t help but to keep smiling uncontrollably at. He then glanced back over at the red box in he held in his hands. <br /><br />He was really going to do this, he never would have thought he would consider doing something like this at 21, but then again he never thought he would enjoy fatherhood so much at 21. <br /><br />‘Just don’t know what you really want until it comes and finds you. I suppose.’ He thought and quickly buried the box into the pocket of his hoodie as he heard Joana coming out of the bathroom. <br /><br />“Is he still sleeping? I think he’s had way too much fun since we got here, you know. His body is far too exhausted.” Joana joked as Richard carefully rose from the bed, trying not to disturb Luc and trying to disguise the rather box shaped object he was holding onto in his buried hands. <br /><br />“I’ve been thinking that we should have a day to our own, I mean. We should let Luc recover from all the fun and leave him in the care of trusty Guillaume. We haven’t had a day or that much time to ourselves.”<br /><br />“Are you relieving me of my mother duties for the first time in 1 and half years?” <br /><br />“Yes, even if it is just for a day, I think you deserve one.” <br /><br />“Will Guillaume okay though? Won’t he mind?” <br /><br />“He’ll be fine, you let me worry about winning Guillaume over.” <br /><br />“Oh thank you, thank you- oh I sound like a terrible mother. You know it’s just I haven’t really been able to …” Joana trailed off and watched Richard just nod as he tried to be getting in contact with Guillaume. <br /><br />Joana wandered over towards the windows and looked outside, the clouds were grey and the weather wasn’t looking too promising. She sighed a little, first time she’s been allowed to do what she wanted to in a while and the weather wasn’t on her side. <br /><br />“It’ll be okay, it’ll go away, eventually.” Richard laughed. “Guillaume is going to come round and take care of Luc. He said to let him know when we are leaving.” <br /><br />**<br /><br />Joana kept on glancing over to her left to the man next to her and couldn’t help but to just laugh once and again as he attempted to lower the cap over his face every time someone would glance at him twice. <br /><br />“Richard, you do realize, you doing that makes you much more noticeable and much more suspicious right?” <br /><br />“I suppose.” <br /><br />“Rain could be good right now as an umbrella would give you extra protection from the recognizing public!” Joana teased. “Are you really okay to just walk around though with that knee Rich?”<br /><br />“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it, really.” <br /><br />“Where are we walking to anyway?”<br /><br />“Somewhere to restore my faith.” <br /><br />Joana stared at Richard blankly for a while before she slowly came into realization of where he had meant, though she had to look around in the direction of where they were headed to make better sense of it. “You aren’t suggesting we go all the way to the top of it, are you? Not with that knee.” <br /><br />“I’m okay.” <br /><br />Joana opened her mouth to argue about the point then quickly decided against it, he probably didn’t want her to keep reminding her of that fact and there she was keep reminding him of the bad when he was trying to think of the good. When he was trying to have some positive mentality and trying to enjoy the last full day they had together before they could meet again, whenever that would be. <br /><br />“This place is like a death trap.” She said as they attempted to cross the road onto the square opposite them, onto the island that the arch sat on. <br /><br />“The Parisian traffic is a death trap.” Richard laughed in response as he ran across the road, pulling Joana behind him, catching her completely off guard. Which made her swear, loud repeatedly. <br /><br />“Are you trying to kill me?”<br /><br />“Obviously, it has failed.” <br /><br />Joana narrowed her eyes at him and laughed sarcastically before she was folding firmly onto his hand again as he led the way, joining the queue up into the narrow winding stairs within the walls of the arch. She didn’t let go until they were at the very top of it and she was glad to be standing on top of it after minutes of feeling slightly claustrophobic up the staircase.<br /><br />Her jaw dropped at the sight in front of her, she was almost on top of Paris. Such open spaces (bar the tourist groups) around her and she was just taken aback by it all. She hadn’t expected such a sight. <br /><br />“It’s amazing right?” Richard whispered over her ear as he carefully weaved them both through the excited tourists with their cameras, towards the very edge of the structure. Joana just slowly nodded in silence, looking all around her from left to right and back again. <br /><br />“Why didn’t I bring my camera?” Joana mumbled as she attempted to capture the sight in front of her with the camera on her mobile phone. <br /><br />Richard laughed slightly at the sight as he took a step back, his right hand slowly reaching into the inside pocket of his coat, carefully he felt the edges of the box with his finger tips before he pulled it out after taking a deep breath in. He edged forwards and stood next to Joana, who was still preoccupied with taking photos, Richard leant on the ledge in front of him and just watched, smiling a little. <br /><br />It took ten more unsatisfying photos for Joana to realize that Richard was just standing there, watching her amused. She stopped and stared at him and her eyes were immediately drawn to the rather large red box he was holding between the fingers of his right hand.<br /><br />“Oh Richard, you have got to be kidding.” She said figuring out immediately where this was going. As she finished her sentence Richard had already opened the box and she couldn’t tear herself from just staring at the ring sitting in it. <br /><br />“I’m not kidding. I’ve thought about this over and over again. I’m pretty sure about it.” <br /><br />Joana laughed, she really had no other response to it but to laugh. It was completely outrageous to her, the thought of this being a good idea and a certain idea in Richard’s head was just amusing in a way. She laughed hoping this was one big joke, one big act he was pulling and he was going to say moments later that it was a joke. But there was no sign of it.<br /><br />“You do realize, we have only re-defined this relationship barely two weeks ago? This is crazy Richard. Crazy.”<br /><br />“But if you really think about it, it’s more like two years, in a way. Surely you aren’t going to deny that you’ve thought about me and the idea of us since Pau.”<br /><br />Her lips parted once more to argue but she couldn’t, she really couldn’t deny that fact at all. Everything, the world she knew it did change after Pau, no after Halle. Despite the abrupt ending of what happened in Pau, it always felt like there was something, always felt like there was a ‘them’ since Pau. She didn’t allow herself to believe it at the time because, he was in his own world and she in hers. That they were in completely different universes, because she told herself over and over again that it was a fairytale ending not worth chasing after.<br /><br />But now there it was, the fairytale ending presented in front of her. Still she refused to believe it was real. <br /><br /> “This is all about Luc, clearly isn’t it? You just feel bad about the fact that I’m raising him on my own and you are just doing this now that you’ve realized how much you want to be involved in his life too and-”<br /><br />“No.” Richard cut her off, “I just know eventually, we’ll be here.” He said firmly, he said it in a way that made Joana want to believe what he said. <br /><br />“We are far too young to think this through enough and take it seriously, you know that right? I mean this is a promise of forever…” She trailed off, not knowing what else she wanted to say, she just needed more reasons to delay the next step, the decision she was going to make. Any more excuses to support it. <br /><br />“I know but I’m certain that this is it. If you are.” <br /><br />As Richard finished his sentence, the people around them started to mutter loudly and Joana looked up and saw the rain clouds above them and small drops of rain was already starting to drop on them. Joana looked around and saw the people forming a queue down, to go find shelter and leave as everything suggested that it was about to rain harder. <br /><br />She looked back at Richard, still not certain in what she wanted to say, he didn’t seem to be bothered by the mini-panic situation around them. <br /><br />“Joana, marry me. Let me promise you forever.”<br /><br />Joana let out a long sigh before taking a deep breath in, screwing her eyes shut, trying to listen to the rational voices in her head. Trying to come to a decision that was truly hers, not one that was swayed by the diamond, the setting or his pleading eyes. <br /><br />A decision that was truly her own.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f357/c0v89/paris2005/etoile.png"></center></blockquote></blockquote> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:de_milmentiras:14160 2009-04-07T17:21:05Z 2009-04-07T17:21:05Z Alicia Keys - Fallin' (remix) (feat. Busta Rhymes & Rampage) | Powered by Last.fm <b>Alpha - Twenty - PG-13</b><br />(I do not know all the names mentioned within, none of this happened. I made up a LOT of stuff and forgot a fair few stuff for the sake of my own convinience. Richard's results and tennis related stuff mentioned of 2006 and 2008 are true however. )<br /><br /><blockquote>*Joana is on the verge of a new life afraid to that that leap. Leaving the life as she knows it and entering a whole different world, tells herself she will not lose herself in this new world. Then she stumbles into the world that she knows nothing about, but she is intrigued. She intrigues <i>him</i> and she intrigued with <i>him</i>. She dares, she dares to let her mind wonder about a future after one brief encouter with Richard Gasquet - though she knows deep down inside that she is more likely to be one of the many encouters for him. (After all, she is nothing, to him and his world.)<br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br /><blockquote><i>twenty</i><br /><br />"You want to walk on your own? Hmm, okay.” Joana said, cautiously letting go of the one hand that was holding onto her son’s much smaller hand. Luc happily then paced on ahead as quickly as he could manage, wobbling a little now and again that made Joana’s heart stop once and again, down the corridor. Keeping her eyes on her son, she pulled along behind her a suitcase which was made far heavier by the fact that Luc was coming with her for this three day trip. “Luc, stop. STOP.” She said as she slowed down glancing at the room numbers around her, realizing she was approaching the room number she was looking for.<br /><br />She stopped in front of the door and took a deep breath as she knocked on it. After she had knocked on the door she held out her right hand, a signal which her son had now learnt to understand of ‘come here and hold my hand right now.’ Luc waddled over and placed his hand and hers as the door opened. <br /><br />“As promised!” Joana exclaimed as Richard opened the door with a rather large smile on her face. <br /><br />Richard didn’t say another word and he crouched down as low as he could manage to Luc’s eye level. Luc took one look at Richard and turned away hiding behind Joana’s leg. She laughed and picked up her toddler up from the floor as she followed a pouting Richard into the room. <br /><br />“He doesn’t like me.” <br /><br />“He doesn’t know you. He’s just being shy.” Joana said, setting Luc down again on the floor. Only then managing to bring in the suitcase properly before shutting the door. <br /><br />Luc wandered excitedly into the room and came back towards Joana quickly, not happy with his new surroundings and a new face in the room. Joana crouched down and looked at her son in the eye, laughing at the comical situation of it all. “You don’t like him?” <br /><br />Luc shook his head.<br /><br />“Does he scare you?”<br /><br />“No.” The toddler replied, nodding. Clearly not sure what he was trying to express. <br /><br />Joana laughed and ruffled through Luc’s hair picking him up again as she stood up, trying to take him over towards an unimpressed looking Richard standing meters away. Luc twisted and turned a little in her arms trying to break free as they got closer to Richard. <br /><br />“This isn’t funny.” Richard said, watching his son refusing to be anywhere near him.<br /><br />“He just needs to get used to you.” She said, turning to the child in her arms. “Don’t you Luc?”<br /><br />“No.” the toddler replied defiantly again. <br /><br />“Say hi to the mummy’s friend Luc. Stop being silly now, this is not like you at all little ‘un.” Richard raised an eyebrow at the term ‘friend’ being used. “You can’t expect me to just go, your dad, can you? We have to ease him in.” <br /><br />Luc turned his head round to look at Richard again and smiled a little before burying his face against Joana’s shoulder, giggling. Joana turned her back of Richard and wandered back towards the door, whispering things in Luc’s ear. “I’m going to have to go find and check on Neil and what’s going on and if he needs me to do anything actually. I can leave you to look after our child for about an hour, yes?” <br /><br />Richard looked back at her with a slight look of horror. <br /><br />“Okay he’s not staying far from here, half an hour tops. Okay?” Joana said, smiling, forcing Richard to nod in agreement. “Excellent.” She continued as she finally let Luc go onto the floor again as Richard sat down in front of the television.<br /><br />Cautiously, the toddler made his way towards Richard and observed him from a distance with curiosity. Richard turned his attention to the toddler once again before looking across at Joana and back again to Luc. <br /><br />“Are you sure it’ll be okay? What if he starts asking for you and-”<br /><br />“It’ll be okay. Trust me.” Joana grinned as she looked at her son in front of her, “he’s just getting used to whole new environment. It won’t be long before his begins exploring the whole thing get over the playing hard to get thing.” <br /><br />Richard opened his mouth to argue and decided against it as Luc started pacing around the room excitedly on his own, on an adventure of some sort. The toddler rushed to one end of the room and back to him and grabbed his leg, as if to try to take him on that adventure also. <br /><br />“Ah, told you so.” Joana said triumphantly, “You’ll be fine for half an hour, half an hour tops. I’ll be right back. You’ll be having too much fun you’ll forget I ever left!” <br /><br />“I hope you are right.” <br /><br />“I know I’m right.” Joana said before she disappeared out the door.<br /><br />**<br /><br />Joana rolled out of the bed, hearing laughter of her son somewhere in the huge hotel room. The boy liked to laugh and grin – a lot. As she shook herself awake she realized Richard’s side of the bed was empty and she wandered over towards the adjoining room, where everything then made sense. <br /><br />There he was, sitting on Richard’s lap watching some early morning French kids television, having the time of his life. <br /><br />She couldn’t help but to smile at the sight and she didn’t want to interrupt the moment and she stood there for a while, leaning against the door frame. Joana quietly crept back towards the bathroom and made herself more awake before she went to ruin the perfect father-son moment.<br /><br />“Richard, are you talking to Luc in French?” <br /><br />Richard looked round and nodded. “Why not?”<br /><br />“He’s barely grasped the concept of English. Why would you want to do that to the poor child?” Joana laughed as she entered the room, sitting on the floor next to them. <br /><br />“No, no this is the perfect time to when they are developing their language skills. You don’t want our child to be bilingual? Naturally?”<br /><br />Joana tilted her ahead as she carefully considered Richard’s suggestion. It didn’t sound like a bad idea at all. “Okay fine, just don’t badmouth me with him.” She laughed, “I need to go out in an hour. When are you heading out?” <br /><br />“I have a court booked for 1. So half twelve?” <br /><br />“That means I’ll be taking Luc with me then.” <br /><br />“Will you be able to work with him?” <br /><br />“I’m not really here to work, I’m here to watch tennis for free and to sort of be aide to Neil. You can have more bonding time with your son later.” Joana smiled and attempted to pull Luc away from Richard, her son strongly resisted. “Oh you’ve won him over pretty quickly now haven’t you. See he must understand the concept of a father, really and he has some sixth sense telling him that you are his dad or something.” She continued as she looked pleadingly at Luc. “Okay, we’ll get you ready to leave really quickly and you can sit and master being bilingual while I get ready okay?” <br /><br />“You expect him to understand that?” Richard laughed, to his surprise Luc nodded though none of them could really be sure how much of that Luc had actually understood. <br /><br />“Come on then champ.” She said as she turned her back on Richard, seeing Luc climb (attempting to rather) off from where he was sitting back onto the floor, she glanced over her should a little to see that he was already running after her. <br /><br />Joana sat on the floor of the bedroom, searching through the clothes she had packed, battling a little with her son who had his own opinion about his attire. She sat and watched Luc pointing at various items in the bag saying “mine”, “me.” She couldn’t help but to marvel sometimes how much he’s developed so quickly, as he wished she pulled out a t-shirt of his choice which made him rather giggly as she pulled it over her head. (After the initial battle of undressing him first. He didn’t seem to quite grasp the idea of the fact that he had to be shed of the clothes he was actually wearing before he could wear anything else.) <br /><br />She had watched some other 16 month old babies and she had watched them be a handful, screaming and endless tantrums. Throwing things and creating a mess for the sake of it. Joana had no idea where on Earth Luc’s such good temperament came from, he whined once and again and the tantrums were rare. He refused to do a lot of things but never in the way she had witnessed in other children she had come in contact with. <br /><br />Every time she’d pray that it was good temperament and that it wasn’t because he hadn’t quite developed yet a strong opinion of himself. <br /><br />“Okay, go. Go and try not to be too much of a handful to your dad.” Joana said as she ushered him out of the bathroom after another session of him trying to convince her that he could brush his teeth by himself. Quickly he ran out of the bathroom, stopping suddenly trying to figure out which direction to go in next. She laughed at the sight he curiously surveyed the world around him. <br /><br />Family.<br /><br />There was sudden sense of family that filled their hotel room that felt so right. Luc really seemed to just settle in so quickly in being around Richard and being with Richard, it was almost as he really did know that Richard was his dad all along even if she had never mentioned the idea before they had left for Paris. <br /><br />She tied her hair back quickly as she heard her phone ringing in the next room, she rushed out of the room. Even if she wasn’t officially working that week, Neil saw every excuse to hassle her out it seemed. After endless ‘yes’s and ‘okay’s Joana hung up. Only then to spend the following twenty minutes picking at her travelling wardrobe as she had just done with Luc. Joana glimpsed out of the window, hoping the weather would be useful, somewhat. It wasn’t great help or inspirational in any way and she just pulled out she had originally planned to wear for the day. Realizing she had just wasted twenty minutes.<br /><br />Joana threw together her things and the endless amounts of things it seemed for Luc. The bag was as almost as heavy as the ones she would usually carry around working. <br /><br />“Okay, we are really going to go now. I’ll see you after the practice yes?” Joana said, poking her head through the room, having to interrupt again another fun father-son moment it seemed. <br /><br />“Yep. I’m sure there is fun press waiting for me actually so it might be a while. But we should all go out tonight with Neil as well? I know I’m not exactly in his good books. I ought to try to get back into it.” Richard said, getting up carrying Luc in one arm. (Joana found it amazing how easy he made that look. She was struggling to carry him by the fortnight.) <br /><br />“Yes, that would be good. Neil still sort of grumbles and grunts at the mention of your name.” Joana laughed, “Come on then you, let’s go and leave your dad alone for a bit so he can actually do his work later.” <br /><br />Your dad. The two words she was never sure she would be able to use in front of Luc and the word that she wasn’t sure if Luc was ever going to be able to say. In the space of 24 hours it became so natural. <br /><br />“Stop carrying him. He walks fine.” Joana said seeing that Luc was enjoying the new found attention a lot. <br /><br />“I’m sorry I’ve just been absent in the first sixteen months of his life, so I just felt compelled to.” Richard laughed as he slowly put his son back on the floor. <br /><br />“Call me later, when you’re done. I’ll be around the grounds, somewhere all day I’d imagine.” <br /><br />Richard nodded as Joana turned to leave, he followed them out towards the door and waved to them both, Luc stopped and turned round to wave back at him before he turned his focus back on his mum and heading out the door. <br /><br />Then realized that he wanted this, everyday. That moment every morning; there still was no substitute for what he felt at that precise moment.<br /><br />**<br />“Guillaume…” Richard trailed off as he aimlessly moved around the food on his near empty plate, interrupting his coach mid-sentence. <br /><br />“Yes Richard?”<br /><br />“What is your opinion on gut instinct?”<br /><br />His coach just looked at him puzzled before laughing a little. “What?”<br /><br />“I mean, you know, how much would you trust your gut instinct? Like if you felt like it was the right thing to do, would you do it though there is no way of you being certain it’ the right thing to do?” Richard rambled on as he finally set the silverware from him his hand. <br /><br />“I have a feeling this had absolutely nothing to do with your current level of fitness or your tactics for approaching Roland Garros.” Richard looked up at Guillaume and just grinned a little. “Well, erm. I would usually say trust your gut instinct, but that’s just me.” <br /><br />“Okay then. I need to borrow you for an hour before we head on over to practice then, an hour maximum I hope.” <br /><br />“Oh?” His coach responded cautiously, “What for?”<br /><br />“I think I may need to go shopping for something that I could really do with a second opinion.” <br /><br />“Oh.” Guillaume responded, only really then fully understanding what Richard was talking about. “Seriously? Already?” <br /><br />“I feel like, I don’t want to lose this. I feel like I need to do this.” <br /><br />“You only really started seeing her again about a week ago Richard, this is insanity. It’s not a joke, this is sort of a life altering thing.”<br /><br />“I’m serious, I’m so serious about this you have no idea.” <br /><br />“Being a father since 24 hours ago has really won you over, hasn’t it?” <br /><br />“Pretty much.” Richard laughed, “It’s not just that. Everything feels right as if everything is in the right place.”<br /><br />“Oh you crazy loved up kid, if you’re serious then I will have to come with you and give you my second opinion. Though I imagine our opinions put together is probably only as useful as fraction of a female brain on that matter.” <br /><br />“Probably.” <br /><br />He couldn’t quit e believe himself at how certain he was at the idea of this and how excited he was at the prospect of it. He also felt a little relieved to have talked it out with someone and get it off his chest, instead keep bouncing the question around in his head. Richard couldn’t help but to grin at the idea of it and rushed Guillaume, not wanting to wait another minute to make the next big step in his life.</blockquote></blockquote> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:de_milmentiras:13887 2009-04-02T18:05:24Z 2009-04-05T10:41:55Z La Oreja de Van Gogh - Inmortal | Powered by Last.fm <b>Alpha - Nineteen - PG-13</b><br />(I do not know all the names mentioned within, none of this happened. I made up a LOT of stuff and forgot a fair few stuff for the sake of my own convinience. Richard's results and tennis related stuff mentioned of 2006 and 2008 are true however. )<br /><br /><blockquote>*Joana is on the verge of a new life afraid to that that leap. Leaving the life as she knows it and entering a whole different world, tells herself she will not lose herself in this new world. Then she stumbles into the world that she knows nothing about, but she is intrigued. She intrigues <i>him</i> and she intrigued with <i>him</i>. She dares, she dares to let her mind wonder about a future after one brief encouter with Richard Gasquet - though she knows deep down inside that she is more likely to be one of the many encouters for him. (After all, she is nothing, to him and his world.)<br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br /><blockquote><i>nineteen</i> <br /><br />Joana paced around the room with the piece of paper in one hand, her phone in the other. She stopped once and again and started dialling the number and cleared her screen, changing her mind as soon as she started keying in the numbers.<br /><br />“You aren’t still walking around in circles are you?” Helen said, walking out of the bathroom, “Oh no, no you are.” <br /><br />“I can’t just call him and be like oh hey Richard, it’s the girl who toyed with you for a month, then had a really ugly argument with two years ago. Want to catch up?”<br /><br />Helen despite her best efforts couldn’t help herself from holding back laughter at Joana’s sarcastic tone of voice as she wrapped a towel around her wet hair. “Oh Jo, it’s been two years he’s clearly over that now. He wants to talk to you, so call him. Seriously, you are making me dizzy.”<br /><br />“You really think, we can talk again? I mean, I don’t know. It was just awkward today.” Joana said, staring at the paper in her hand again, not quite believing that he still wanted to talk to her after all of that. After two years of nothing.<br /><br />“No, you were just trying your hardest to make it awkward. It could have been alright.” Her colleague replied, moving side to side trying to get her TV remote to point at the television properly to change the channels as Joana kept on moving about in front of her. “Look, I didn’t tell you this but, while you’ve been away and off the job, every time I’ve bumped into him he’s asked me about you. He’s always been like, where’s Joana? What’s happened to Joana? Okay so, you two didn’t have the most conventional relationship ever, so what. You two clearly still care about each other. You don’t have to do the whole relationship thing. Just, resolve your issues, stop being awkward. Give your child his father!” <br /><br />“He has?” Joana chocked, “I mean, he should have been hating me, you know after all of that. If anything, he should have been looking for me to hate some more.” She muttered, she was taken aback she wasn’t expecting quite like this to happen when she had seen his name on the draw sheet and the order of play earlier that day.<br /><br />“I don’t know, he never said much more when I gave him vague answers, I think he wasn’t sure if you would have told me anything or not so he didn’t say much more than ask what happened to you.” <br /><br />Joana sighed and fell backwards onto her bed, holding the piece of paper above her she just stared at it. He was chasing her, he still was after all of this. Slowly she started to press in the numbers onto her phone again and her thumb lingered over the green call button. Screwing her eyes shut tightly she pressed it. “No, no. I can’t do it. I’m sorry I can’t do it.” She said as soon as the phone started ringing and disconnected the call quickly and put her phone down next to her, she sat back up and scrunched up the paper in her hand and threw it across the room.<br /><br />“Jo!”<br /><br />“I’m not ready for this. I haven’t planned it all yet.”<br /><br />Helen sat and rolled her eyes at Joana as the phone started to ring, Joana glanced over to see that it was from the very number she had just called. <br /><br />“Fuck. Shit. Crap.” She muttered as she picked up the phone from her bed and just stared at the screen.<br /><br />“Oh for fuck sake Joana King, answer it.”<br /><br />Joana stared and stared at it until it stopped just as she was about to set it down again, it rang once more. Same number. She decided then she couldn’t avoid it any longer and after a deep breath in she answered it and Helen looked at her across the room, giving her a thumbs up.<br /><br />“Hey, Richard? Hi. Hey.” Joana babbled out. “Hi. Sorry about earlier and sorry about taking so long to get back to you. Helen only just got back from seeing someone.” She said, mouthing ‘sorry’ to Helen across the room who was looking at her with hands in the air.<br /><br />“I was starting to worry I’d never hear from you.”<br /><br />“I thought I’d never see us talking to each other again.” Joana let out a nervous laugh. “Erm, Richard, I – hm. No. Don’t worry.” She stuttered out words, not sure what to say as Helen kept gesturing next to her.<br /><br />“Are you busy right now?”<br /><br />“No, no. Just sitting around, Helen keeps insisting on watching some bad movie on TV.” Joana said, which was met with a period of silence, both of them not quite sure what to say next, “Look, if you’re up for it. I suppose, we could talk, you know. Face to face?” She said and as soon as she said the words she wanted to take it all back. She swore loudly and repeatedly in her head as she waited for the silence at the other end of the phone line to stop and waited for Richard’s response.<br /><br />“Yes, yeah. I’d like that.” He said after a pause, bringing with it a wave of relief over Joana. “Where are you staying? I’ll come to see you.”<br /><br />“No, no. We’ll meet somewhere halfway, I’m going to guess you are at InterContinental like everyone else?”She said as she got up and rummaged through the pile of tourist guides that was sitting in her hotel room, pulling out a map of the local area. “Okay, how about I meet you outside Hamburg Dammtor station in twenty minutes?”<br /><br />“That sounds good, okay. I’ll see you then.”<br /><br />“See you.” She said and waited until he hung up first. <br /><br />“Oh from being scared to call to making the arrangements to meet up in the middle of the night.” Helen teased, “And why is everything putting me in the bad light?”<br /><br />“I’m sorry I couldn’t exactly tell him I was freaking out for about an hour after you gave me the phone number and another forty minutes trying to decide whether to call him or not. And er. Yeah. I have to get ready to go out.” Joana mumbled as she wandered over towards the bathroom before walking straight back out again, heading towards her suitcase<br /><br />Joana searched through her (now not so organized) clothes in her suitcase and with a satisfied pile of selection of clothes, she wandered back into the bathroom. She tried every combination possible with the clothes she had packed before she was satisfied with the clothes, Helen sat and watched amused at the whole situation a little. <br /><br />“Why? What?” Joana leered as she tucked the t-shirt into her skirt, not liking the fact that Helen was watching her as a form of entertainment.<br /><br />“You were so set on not talking to him and not seeing him and here you are fretting about how you look.”<br /><br />“It is the first time I’m seeing him in two years, I do need to look fabulous in a way that says hey I got over our mess and I’ve been doing very well having your child and raising it on my own.”<br /><br />“You haven’t raised Luc on your own Jo, and he’s already seen you today in tramp work clothes.” <br /><br />Joana leered at her once more as she untangled the knots in her hair, walking around the room, trying to remember where she had put her make up bag. Not being able to locate it, Joana gave up on the idea and decided she was presentable enough, she picked up her bag from the chair in the corner of the room, throwing in it her phone and her key to the room – suspecting that it could be a long night. <br /><br />“Don’t wait up. If we start to talk, I think it might be a while.” Joana smiled a little as she grabbed on the chair. <br /><br />“I didn’t plan to. You guys talk things out, take as long as you need. Seriously.” <br /><br />Joana pulled on her jacket, adjusting it over and over again although she knew it was going to be ruined a little anyway as soon as she walked out of the building. She glanced across at Helen once more before she headed out of the room.<br /><br />A thousand thoughts ran through her head as she walked out of the hotel and through the streets of Hamburg. What to say and where to begin. If they would talk about Paris again and try to clear that up first, because she knew now that they had both said things they didn’t mean in the heat of the moment. If there would ever be a chance of anything between them again or if she really wanted that at all. She buried her hands deep in her jacket pocket as she waited for the traffic lights to change, crossing over the main street to the Dammtor station. Luc, the matter of Luc. Would she need to mention it now or later? When they have established the nature of their relationship again?<br /><br />But surely it was the first thing he had the right to know about.<br /><br />Her heart raced a little faster as she walked past a bus stop, leading up to the steps towards the car park in front of the train station’s main entrance. What did he expect from this? What did he want from this? Did he just purely have a guilty conscience that he wanted to clear his mind up for? To just overcome his own awkwardness? Or did he genuinely still want her and try this all over again? <br /><br />A car horn beeped at her loudly as Joana almost walked straight into the path of car, lost in her thoughts.<br /><br />With every footstep she saw the arched roofs over the entrance of the station come closer towards her and her eyes searched for a familiar face in the brightly lit darkness around it. Then she couldn’t help but to smile at the sight of the familiar Frenchman, leaning against wall behind him. <br /><br />Who seemed just as anxious as she could seem him clearer with every step, he pushed off the walls and walked towards her as soon as he saw her walking towards him. Initially he approached her with a smile on his face then awkwardly greeted her, as always with a kiss on either cheek. <br /><br />“Are you sure it’s okay for you to be out? Don’t you have to work early tomorrow?” He said as soon as they parted. <br /><br />“It’s alright. I’ll manage.” Joana forced out of her, sensing an awkward silence coming along as soon as she had finished that sentence. She took a deep breath in before she turned to look at him properly in the eye, offering her hand, which made Richard look back at her bemused. “Let’s start this all over. Hi, I’m Joana King, I’ve seen you around couple of times. I don’t know if you’ve seen me. I work for Panorama Editorials. I’m finishing off an apprenticeship with them. I think you know my colleague, Helen?”<br /><br />Richard laughed a little as he shook her hand. “Richard Gasquet, pleasure. I’ve seen you, you seem to be carrying everything for Helen or anyone else all the time. I haven’t seen you actually working a camera.”<br /><br />“I’ve held the camera many times I’ll have you know Richard. You’ve just never witnessed it. I’ve been told I’m pretty good at it, actually.” Joana grinned as she turned away slowly, “The city looks nice in the dark, you don’t mind walking, do you?”<br /><br />“No, not at all.”<br /><br />Joana took the lead and walked back the way she had come, across the car park and back onto the main road with Richard following closely behind her. She had no idea where she was headed to, but at no point did Richard seem bothered by the lack of direction. They came across a small park, which they circled several times, trading childhood stories and basic trivia about themselves that they had never done the first time round. <br /><br />She stopped once and again and opened her mouth with the intention of bringing up the topic of Luc, she felt like she had to do it. That it was only right for her to do it. She decided then the longer she waited the harder it would be to tell him. Joana stopped and turned to him. “Erm Richard okay I erm. I really need to tell you something. Try not to freak out, please.”<br /><br />Richard looked at her blankly and laughed. “What? What could I possibly have to freak out about now?” <br /><br />“You might want to sit.” Joana said, pointing to the bench behind him and she stood there until he took a seat on it. She paced about back and forth in front of him before she could try to figure out the best way to phrase it. To soften the blow. She came to a halt in front of him and Richard sat there looking confused and blankly at her. “There really actually is not an easier way to say this so I’m just going to say it.”<br /><br />“Okay you are scaring me a little now, what is it?”<br /><br />“I-no, you…agh.” She struggled to get the words out of her mouth, the words were perfectly clear and loud in her head, it just refused to leave her lips. “You have a son, I mean, erm. Yeah. I have a 16month old boy sitting at home and he is yours.” Joana reeled out as quickly as she could, closing her eyes as she said it, not quite ready to see the reaction on Richard’s face. <br /><br />Richard initially laughed and just stared at Joana who slowly opened her eyes, only then realized she was being completely serious. “You have got to be kidding.”<br /><br />“Oh, I wish I was. I’m sorry to drop a bomb on you like this, but you had to know, at some point.”<br /><br />“Why are you telling me this only now?” He said, raising his voice a little.<br /><br />“Well because when I found out about the fact that I was carrying your child, it was weeks after what happened in Paris. I wasn’t sure if you wanted to talk to me ever again. If you wanted to be part of this at all. After all, you had said that it was nothing.” She said, suddenly finding herself overcome with waves of emotion – so much for starting all over and forgetting about everything that happened before.<br /><br />“Joana, you and I both know what we said in Paris, we didn’t really mean any of that.”<br /><br />“How was I supposed to know that at the time Richard? I just, I was too scared to tell you about it. I didn’t know how I could approach you again after that and…” Joana trailed off, finding herself attacked with tears. <br /><br />Richard was quickly on his feet again and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly against him. “You are such a fool.” He muttered against her ear. “Okay, we both are, to be honest.” He said, which made Joana laugh a little. “Even if, even if I had meant what I said, I would have still wanted to be part of my child’s life, you know.” Richard continued, as he pulled away from her, wiping away the tears off her face with his hands. <br /><br />“He looks so much like you, it’s quite frightening. Everyday I saw him and I was reminded of you and the good times. The short lived good times. Then I’d remember how stupid I was.”<br /><br />“What’s his name?” <br /><br />“Luc.” She said, grinning sheepishly.<br /><br />Richard raised an eyebrow at her, “You gave him a French name?”<br /><br />“It seemed reasonable at the time and it suits him very well. I’ll have you know.” <br /><br />“Am I allowed to meet this Luc at some point?”<br /><br />“I’m sure that can be arranged.” <br /><br />“Good.” Richard smiled and pressed his lips on her forehead. <br /><br />“He’s energetic as anything.” Joana laughed and pulled away from him, “Shall we continue to wander aimlessly or do we want to call it a night?” <br /><br />“Well, if we keep going this way, we are about three minutes away from where I’m staying. I don’t particularly feel like letting you go back to your hotel, if I’m being perfectly honest here.” <br /><br />Joana didn’t need to think about it and without hesitation she nodded in agreement and followed Richard’s lead along the unknown streets of Hamburg, walking an unknown path of them. “Richard?” She said, looking across at him. <br /><br />“Yes?”<br /><br />“Does this mean, we can start us again? Properly this time?” <br /><br />“If you want to, then yes.” He said, taking Joana’s hand in his, as Joana took one look at him and nodded firmly. “Shame I’m leaving tomorrow.”<br /><br />“There’s always Paris, we can make new memories in Paris.” Joana said, grinning. Hoping, that this time round there would be no mistakes. That it will all work out like it should.</blockquote></blockquote> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:de_milmentiras:13741 2009-04-02T17:56:14Z 2009-04-04T10:51:17Z Ojos de Brujo - Silencio | Powered by Last.fm <b>Alpha - Eighteen - PG-13</b><br />(I do not know all the names mentioned within, none of this happened. I made up a LOT of stuff and forgot a fair few stuff for the sake of my own convinience. Richard's results and tennis related stuff mentioned of 2006 and 2008 are true however. )<br /><br /><blockquote>*Joana is on the verge of a new life afraid to that that leap. Leaving the life as she knows it and entering a whole different world, tells herself she will not lose herself in this new world. Then she stumbles into the world that she knows nothing about, but she is intrigued. She intrigues <i>him</i> and she intrigued with <i>him</i>. She dares, she dares to let her mind wonder about a future after one brief encouter with Richard Gasquet - though she knows deep down inside that she is more likely to be one of the many encouters for him. (After all, she is nothing, to him and his world.)<br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br /><blockquote><i>eighteen</i> (May 2008)<br /><br /> “Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean really. Maybe I should just call Helen now and tell her I can’t do this and I can’t go?” Joana said stopping in front of the doorway as she glanced at the cab waiting for her at the end of the drive way. <br /><br />“Jo, this is the first big job you’ve had in more than a year, go. I’ll be fine, we’ll be fine. You go work, this is all you’ve been looking forward to for almost two years, getting out of here and working again.”Caroline insisted as she slowly nudged her daughter out of the house.<br /><br />“Oh mum I mean, I can still work. Not go out of the country for a week. I mean that is all I did want to do now that I’ve come to think about it. I don’t think it’s such a good idea. Maybe I’ll just sit and wait for something else to happen.” Joana continued resisting her mother’s force. <br /><br />“You’ve been back at the office for 6 months now yes? They’ve loved you enough not to replace you and keep your space for you. So you go. We manage fine when you are out all the time so why must you worry now?”<br /><br />“Because I’ll be out of the country mother! I won’t just a bus ride from home if anything should happen!” she exclaimed as she pulled out her mobile from her pocket, as she attempted to dial a number Caroline snatched it out of her hand. “Mum!”<br /><br />“Stop being an idiot and go. You are going. That is a command. You are going.” She said firmly and Joana walked out of the door, dragging her suitcase behind her as the cab driver came running out of his car to take her suitcase to his car.<br /><br />Joana then returned to the doorway so bid farewell before she climbed into the car. As she did so her mother appeared at the door way with her 16month old son in her arms, which didn’t help her in wanting to leave the country for a week. <br /><br />“Okay Luc, say bye to mummy.” Caroline said as she lifted a hand of her grandson and he followed his instructions and flailed his hand in the air.<br /><br />“You take care of yourself okay? Listen to grandma and try not to be too much of a handful.” Joana grinned and kissed his forehead before turning to her mum. “Thanks, you know I’m just a phone call away if he needs me or starts to whine yeah?”<br /><br />“Yes Jo, you just go or you are going to miss your flight. GO.” <br /><br />Joana waved to her son and her mum before she was finally able to step away from them and climb into the cab which had been waiting for her for at least half an hour it seemed. <br /><br />“Sorry.” She said as she got in the car, “First time going abroad since I’ve had my son so, bit anxious.” Joana laughed and the cab driver looked at her and nodded in a way that he said he understood the situation very well. <br /><br />After she had found out about the fact that he was pregnant with Luc, she had worked two more months. After that she had Luc months later. After that she had decided to take almost a year off until she felt comfortable enough to leave him at home with her mother. She had never formally finished a year of her apprenticeship and at that point she had wanted to give it up and just get any job to earn enough to support them both. <br /><br />Then Neil called her six months earlier to see if she was still interested in completing that year she never go to finish. She was overwhelmed by the fact that he had not forgotten about her and by the fact that he had remembered to called her before he looked through any of the applications for the new spots. <br /><br />“Yes, yes. God yes.” She had said without hesitation, realizing then that she wasn’t quite done and she wasn’t prepared to give it all up just yet. <br /><br />Six months she had to work locally, out of the city several times. She didn’t dare to think about asking to go abroad, she was spoiled with that a lot in the first time round, so much more than she should have had been. Joana worked harder, more eager to learn than ever before the second time round. Initially when she was handed the chance to go to Hamburg, she was excited. <br /><br />Joana could remember the excitement of covering the tournaments aboard and having the chance to explore a new city. As the days drew closer to it however she slowly began to become a little frightened by the idea of having to leave Luc behind in her mother’s care for almost a week. She had delayed her trip by couple of days (last minute) so that she was sure she was prepared for it and to make sure she decreased the number of days she was going to stay in Hamburg as much as possible. <br /><br />Before she knew it, she was back to the same routine again of security checks at another new airport and waiting for her suitcase at the baggage claim. Joana didn’t even bother try using her High school German anymore, she couldn’t remember much and as far as her memory served, the Germans were very good with English. <br /><br />“Joana I see you finally flew out of the nest.” Helen mocked as Joana timidly walked towards the café of the hotel, where she had arranged to meet her. <br /><br />“Haha. So very funny.” Joana responded sarcastically as she took her seat opposite Helen. Only then did she have the chance to sit down and look around the room, she was too focused on being at the right place and she was so nervous for having to travel on her own for a change. <br /><br />“I’m sure you’ve heard we are sharing a room?” Helen said and Joana nodded in response, “Like the good old times, it’s like how we began!”<br /><br />“It’s all from the beginning again now, it feels. I’m more nervous now than I was in Melbourne.” She let out a nervous laugh. <br /><br />“Okay tomorrow morning we are going to get to work as usual, I will be glad to have someone run my errands for me now even if they are two days late.” Helen winked, “Let’s get you into the room and maybe we will consider dinner?” <br /><br />“Yeah, of course.” Joana responded as she followed Helen and stood up, following closely behind her colleague up to their room. “Oh! I almost forgot I need to call home, I need to check on Luc…” She trailed off as she quickly pulled her mobile phone from her pocket as Helen stood there and laughed at the panicking sight.<br /><br />**<br /><br />“Makes a change, not having to drag you out of bed anymore.” Helen laughed as she gathered last of her things before they left the hotel, watching Joana who was already ready to go and sitting on her bed – just watching. <br /><br />“It’s called being a mother to a 16month year old energetic son.” Joana laughed, she didn’t quite believe that fact herself at times every time she said it. “Come on Helen, let’s go go go!” she rushed Helen as she picked up her bag and headed towards the door. <br /><br />After Joana stood by the doorway tapping her foot for a while, Helen followed her out as she handed to Joana the bigger, heavier bag she was carrying, grinning. Joana laughed and took the bag onto her shoulder without a complaint, it was only the equipment of one after all, she had done worse at times. They rushed on down and out of the hotel, stopping by the local coffee shop on the way to grab two coffees that they both desperately would need for the day before they hailed a taxi.<br /><br />“Okay, so here’s the draw sheet. I’m sure you haven’t looked at it but I know your tennis knowledge is better now.” Helen laughed as she handed over the pieces of folded paper from her bag to Joana. “The order of play for today is on there somewhere too. Let me know if you see something you like.”<br /><br />Joana sipping her coffee carefully as the car swerved round, she scanned the piece of paper in her hand then her heart momentarily stopped as the one familiar name stood out from the rest of them. She knew she would have to see him again eventually and she had no idea why she hadn’t quite anticipated the fact that he might be in Hamburg. <br /><br />She hadn’t quite planned in her yet of how to face him again, how to approach him again, if she would approach him again. If she would be able to talk to him again. She had to make a decision quickly if anything as they were approaching the venue closer by the minute and he was going to be playing later on in the day, she was bound to see or bump into him at some point during the day. <br /><br />Joana hadn’t heard from him since that night in Paris, she considered several times whilst she was pregnant with Luc calling him, trying to contact him. After she had him, she wanted to call him, she wanted to call him and say ‘you are now a father of a beautiful little boy’ and plan if he wanted to part of his life at all.<br /><br />She didn’t in the end, she was pretty sure it would be a waste of her time, that if they were nothing as he had said it was, it was going to pretty sure that he probably wanted nothing to do with Luc at all. Probably would have made sure that no one knew that he was the father. Joana however, couldn’t resist giving that couple of hours old baby in her arms a French name.<br /><br />It just felt right. <br /><br />“Are you ever going to tell him?” Helen said as they entered the venue, stepping out of the taxi, noticing the obvious reason behind Joana’s sudden silence in the journey. <br /><br />“I will, one day, when I feel like. He wants to hear it.” Joana shrugged as she showed her pass to the security guards at the gates, walking closely behind Helen.<br /><br />“I’ve said this before but he has to know, I mean, you can’t forever keep it from him.” <br /><br />Joana nodded, she had heard this before, all this before from Helen of course when she had announced to the team that she was a pregnant, that she had to call it quits, for a while. When she told Helen (and Neil) that the father was one and only Richard Gasquet. Helen had initially freaked out and looked at Joana with crazy eyes, not believing the words coming out of Joana’s mouth. Then Helen had kept encouraging her to tell Richard about it. That it was a matter of the child’s welfare above both of their prides. <br /><br />“He’s having a rough year, not as much as ’06 but he’s still fun you know and positive. He’s grown up a bit, so have you. Talk it out. When you get over what happened almost two years ago.”<br /><br />Joana let out a long sigh and walked straight past Helen, heading towards wherever her feet led her, it happened to be towards the practice courts. Helen didn’t mention the matter of Richard again rest of that morning and solely spent their time discussing the players that were actually on the court in front of them (apart from the one occasion when the player they were watching was Richard’s opponent later in the day.)<br /><br />**<br />Defeats didn’t get any easier with the years, if anything it got harder. Especially on the clay, when the expectation of him were higher, from watching public and from himself. The clay was supposed to be his forte, his instinct, he couldn’t seem to find a consistent form in the year. <br /><br />Just when he needed to find some sort of a rhythm again before the French open, losing in the second round of Hamburg Masters wasn’t exactly what he had planned on at all. To an unseeded opponent.<br /><br />They didn’t feel any better but he got better at shaking them off and getting up the next morning with a more level head about it. He got over it quicker than he used to. <br /><br />He walked off the court carrying the bags that felt so much lighter before the match, choosing to avoid the many cameras being pointed at him and the too many black marker pens being waved in his direction. Richard wandered on through towards the players’ locker room down a hallway that seemed to connect everything and everyone (especially his best friends the media.) <br /><br />His eyes just scanned across the people about him before he turned a corner towards the lockers then he stopped, cocking his head to one side to see a familiar face approaching him. Even though the media wasn’t his best friend, over the years he had somehow become familiar with some of the editorial photographers, namely the ones he had stumbled into friendship with couple of years back. <br /><br />He opened his mouth to call out for Helen, who seemed to be busily chatting to the person walking next to her, laughing, looking through something on her camera.<br /><br />Then he stopped himself from doing so and found his lips sealed tightly.<br /><br />As they approached him and they came closer to him, he realized he recognized the other person. Her hair was longer than he remembered – no her hair style was completely different to what he remembered. She was thinner than he remembered. But he was sure it was her, it had been two years that he hadn’t seen her, he had wondered for two years where she had gone.<br /><br />What had happened. If he had anything to do with it, he couldn’t stop thinking about the incident in Paris for months to follow. He had no idea what he was going to do if he would ever see her again, he hadn’t expected to her see her again, when had he asked about her twice he never got a straight answer.<br /><br />But there she was, looking lively as ever, like she always was. The girl who suddenly disappeared from his life, the girl who he thought he had erased completely from his mind, his heart, his brain, there she was, appearing from nowhere. Bringing back with her the rush of emotions he thought he had thrown away.<br /><br />“Richard? Hey!” <br /><br />He realized he had been standing there staring for far too long and he hadn’t managed to escape the confrontation, by the time he had realized his lack of movement, Helen had spotted him. As soon as his name left her lips, the girl next to her looked up almost instantly in horror.<br /><br />Joana muttered something to Helen that he couldn’t quite decipher. From the gestures he figured she wasn’t too pleased to see him. Not that he could blame her of course.<br /><br />“Hey.” He managed to force out and not run away from the situation. <br /><br />“Sorry about your match, you’ll be alright.” Helen said, nudging Joana’s side, who struggled a little to make eye contact with him or when she did, she struggled to keep eye contact with him.<br /><br />“Hopefully, a miracle happens between now and Paris.” Richard let out an awkward laugh.<br /><br />“I’m sure you remember Joana.” <br /><br />“Yes, yes. I thought she was never coming back as she suddenly disappeared.” He said, he also found himself avoiding eye contact. ‘How could I forget?’ He said to himself as he glanced over quickly at her every time she looked away from him. <br /><br />Joana jumped a little as the phone in her pocket started vibrating, Richard smiled, he remembered how jumpy she was and he was glad to see that she still just as jumpy. A look of relief came over Joana’s face, relived that she had gotten an excuse out of the situation, she pulled out her phone and stared at the screen carefully.<br /><br />“It’s mum, seriously, it is.” Joana said, waving the phone in Helen’s face for confirmation, who narrowed her eyes at her. “She wouldn’t be calling unless it was about Luc, I have to get it. Sorry.” Joana continued and quickly turned her back on him and walked away. <br /><br />“Jo, you don’t have to go away to answer it, it’s only your mother…” Helen breathed out turning her attention back on Richard. <br /><br />Richard nodded slowly, keeping one eye on Joana in the corner of his eye. Who seemed to be talking on the phone with a big grin on her face. <br /><br />“She looks a lot different.”<br /><br />“She does, doesn’t she?”Helen said, glancing over her shoulder in the direction where Richard’s eyes were already looking. “She’s practically glowing every day these days. Despite the fact that she’s running around 24/7.” She laughed.<br /><br />As he was about to get his next words out, they were interrupted by one of the tournament organizers reminding him that he had a press conference to do in half an hour. Richard nodded along to the instructions and turned back to Helen. He set down his bag and rummaged through his bag, pulling out a pen and scrap paper, writing quickly across it before handing it to Helen. “Could you, get her to call me, later, if you can, if you aren’t busy?” <br /><br />“Of course, we aren’t that busy.” Helen smiled as she took the piece of paper from Richard’s hand.<br /><br /> “Thank you.” He said as he picked up the bag and headed quickly on around a corner towards the locker room, forgetting momentarily the disappointment he was feeling after seeing Joana again.</blockquote></blockquote> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:de_milmentiras:13497 2009-04-02T17:48:30Z 2009-04-02T18:12:15Z Juanes - Nada valgo sin tu amor | Powered by Last.fm <b>Alpha - Seventeen - PG-13</b><br />(I do not know all the names mentioned within, none of this happened. I made up a LOT of stuff and forgot a fair few stuff for the sake of my own convinience. Richard's results and tennis related stuff mentioned of 2006 and 2008 are true however. )<br /><br /><blockquote>*Joana is on the verge of a new life afraid to that that leap. Leaving the life as she knows it and entering a whole different world, tells herself she will not lose herself in this new world. Then she stumbles into the world that she knows nothing about, but she is intrigued. She intrigues <i>him</i> and she intrigued with <i>him</i>. She dares, she dares to let her mind wonder about a future after one brief encouter with Richard Gasquet - though she knows deep down inside that she is more likely to be one of the many encouters for him. (After all, she is nothing, to him and his world.)<br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br /><blockquote><i>seventeen</i> (June 2006)<br /><br />Joana sat there on her couch, hugging her knees as she watched Alex in front of her, talking excitedly about his works on display at the exhibition that his art college was putting together at the end of the first year. <br /><br />In the two years that she had been with him, she couldn’t remember the last time she had been so unenthused about her boyfriend’s art and his work on display. She wasn’t sure if it was the guilt in the back of her mind about what she had been doing without his knowledge, the things that she had done behind his back when she was sure that he was always sitting at home, waiting for her every time she was away. <br /><br />Alex had also noticed her lack of response and he stopped mid sentence and just stared at her. “Jo? Are you listening to me?” He said waving a hand in front of her face. <br /><br />“Yes, yes of course I am. I guess I’m just a bit tired. All the travelling is catching up with me slowly I guess.” Joana grinned. “No, continue. I’m interested and excited for you just the same.” <br /><br />“I’m not so convinced, but anyway-!” Alex continued to talk, as soon as he started talking again Joana faded out, all she saw him just gesturing things and she was just nodding along.<br /><br />“Oh he isn’t still talking about his bloody sculptures is he?” Joana looked over towards the direction of the front door to see one of the house mates coming home and laughing. <br /><br />“Hey Euan, he is. He still is. Come sit. I’m sure you wouldn’t mind a further in depth conversation about it.” Joana said, pulling on Euan’s arm.<br /><br />“You guys aren’t helpful at all. You are just making a joke out of my work?” Alex said, pulling a face as he sat down in the seat next to Joana.<br /><br />“Yeah hun, we are all mocking your bloody sculptures.” Joana mocked as she leant on his shoulder, yawning. She was yawning an awful lot more than she used to since she came back from five days she’d rather forget in Paris.<br /><br />She was unofficially given a week off to rest after she came back from Paris after she had complained to Neil about how much she had done in comparison to the usual. But she was still feeling tired though all she did was sleep and move as little as possible for that week. <br /><br />“Why are you always yawning these days?”<br /><br />“Constant irregular sleeping pattern and stuff I suppose. I don’t know. I’m going to go to bed I think. You crazy kids have fun. Tell Euan all about it, again. I’m sure he’s really keen on it.” She said, placing a kiss on his cheek as she pulled away to head upstairs. <br /><br />“Well, you are all coming to the opening on Saturday afternoon.” <br /><br />“Of course, of course we are.” Joana smiled and headed up the stairs, looking at her boyfriend sitting on the sofa and letting out a long sigh. <br /><br />He never had to know about what happened. He didn’t need to and everything was fine as it was. She was going to forget about it and get over it eventually, Joana had opted out working on the tennis tournaments rest of the year, she didn’t want to risk the chance of bumping into him. <br /><br />She would have to stay away from him for the rest of the season and should she be still working where she was, then she was sure she would be able to look at him again and that time it would be different and they would be able to salvage a good friendship out of it. <br /><br />She was sure that they had both said intentionally hurtful words at the end of it all and she was sure that underneath of it all, underneath the mess that she had created that they really did get along, that they were able to really talk. Really share their thoughts. So that was her plan, she was going to ignore his world for rest of the year.<br /><br />Joana stared at the calendar in her room before she collapsed into it carefully, She picked up her phone and looked at the marked dates on the calendar on her phone. Joana shook her head and put her phone aside and climbed into her side of the bed. <br /><br />**<br />“Mum, are you or dad busy this weekend?” <br /><br />“Not sure. Why?”<br /><br />“It’s Alex’s end of year exhibit is this weekend and we are all going Saturday I figured you two wanted to be involved?”<br /><br />“Oh, of course we do.” Joana’s mother responded excitedly at the occasion, “I knew it was coming up but I completely forgot about it.” <br /><br />“I swear, sometimes you love Alex more than me.” Joana laughed, “Oh and mum? Could I have the number for our doctor please? If you don’t mind looking through our very organised paper filing system in the house...?” <br /><br />“Why? Are you alright?”<br /><br />“Yeah, I’m fine. When am I not fine? I just realised that I haven’t got it for reference just in case of when I might not be fine?” <br /><br />Joana tapped her finger impatiently on her dining room table as she waited for her mum to return with the phone number, when she then balanced the phone between her ear and her shoulder as she wrote down the number and address. <br /><br />“Thanks, I’ll call you again on Friday to let you know where and when and stuff!” she said and hung up jumping up quickly out of her seat when she heard the front door of her house open. She rushed out of the dining room to see Euan coming home from work, after quickly greeting him she rushed to the bathroom and locked the door. <br /><br />She sat back down on the closed toilet seat, where she had been sitting in before she had called her mother. She picked up the plastic stick on the floor again and stared at it, willing for that line on it to go away. The more she looked at it, the clearer the line looked. It wasn’t going anywhere. It was for sure. <br /><br />“Shit.” <br /><br />Joana keyed in carefully into her mobile the number from the piece of paper and arranged an appointment for confirmation of what the white stick in front of her was telling her. <br /><br />She refused to believe it until she heard it from someone in a white coat. <br /><br />“This cannot be happening. Seriously.” She muttered and false flushed the toilet, smuggling the white stick out of the room after carefully placing it back into its box as she tried to find somewhere safe to dispose of it. Which happened to be in the large bin outside the house as opposed to throwing it any other bin on the house. <br /><br />She searched for the words in her head as she sat on her bed, trying to find the right words to bring this up to Alex without him freaking out. She waited and waited all night only for him to call her to tell him that he was going to be probably out all night trying to finish whatever he was supposed to be putting on display that weekend. <br /><br />Annoyed Joana went to sleep, deciding that she wouldn’t tell him until she knew for sure, after she had seen the doctor and had been examined properly. Not taking the word of a line on a white plastic stick.<br /><br />Joana called in that morning to Neil that she would be a little late as she got ready to leave for the doctor’s. She wandered through the street and out of her house towards the bus stop, not quite sure what to expect. How to take everything on board. <br /><br />She tapped her foot impatiently in the waiting room and anxiously after they had her urine and blood samples. Then came the three words that would turn the world, as she knew it, upside down.<br /><br />“Congratulations. You’re pregnant.”<br /><br />Joana stared at her doctor carefully, she didn’t know which part of it was to congratulate. She could barely look after herself as it was and she was not in a place in her life she could raise a child. <br /><br />“Can you tell me how long it’s been? I have an irregular cycle as it is so I wasn’t really sure...”<br /><br />“If you want, we could do an ultrasound to see?”<br /><br />The last thing she wanted was to see something she wanted not to exist but she thought it couldn’t hurt to find out and she agreed to the ultrasound. When she saw the small life in side of her displayed on the black screen, her mind had changed. She had to keep it. <br /><br />She wanted to keep it. It was a life, it had its own heartbeat. <br /><br />“About 11 weeks I’d say.”<br /><br />“I don’t get how this happened, we’ve always been so careful-wait. 11 weeks?” Joana’s heart sank that moment when she came into realisation of what had happened 11 weeks back, when she wasn’t thinking so straight.<br /><br />When she wasn’t thinking at all and the idea of ‘being careful’ was the last thing on her (their) mind. The night where there was too much alcohol and too little words involved. Where lust took over logical thinking. <br /><br />Joana rushed out of the building and opted to walk home, even if it would take her half an hour to walk back. She needed to get her head straight and get her thoughts together. She couldn’t go into work like this, she needed to get her round it.<br /><br />“Fuck. Shit. Fuck.” She said to herself over and over again as she walked, a part of her just kept thinking this was one big mistake and one big mistake she didn’t want to remember and a part of her kept hearing the heartbeat of the small life inside of her. How wrong the whole thing was, it was a blissful memory at the time. <br /><br />Joana stopped in the middle of the road and slowly looked down at her stomach and placed her hand over it. “I think we know what we need to do now, I should have probably done it a long time ago huh?” <br /><br />She pulled out the phone in her bag and called Neil to call in sick, that she wasn’t feeling that great and that she would be there for sure tomorrow. Joana walked through the front door of her house half an hour later to find that it was completely empty and she could not be any more grateful for that fact. Without thought she headed straight upstairs and pulled out her many bags from under the bed and emptied her side of the closet and her drawers into them. <br /><br />She cleared all surfaces in her and Alex’s room of her things and zipped it all up before she carried it down the stairs. It was at this point Joana was slightly relieved to have not moved everything she owned over, as Alex has originally suggested. Joana pulled out the key to the house from her keyring and placed it by the door way as she walked out of it for the last time. <br /><br />She was certain as soon as she would let Alex know the truth about everything she would probably never return. Let alone remain in his life. She carried the three bags onto the main road until she could pull over a taxi to take a ride to her parent’s house, her home.<br /><br />“Hey dad.” She said half heartedly as she walked straight past him with the bags and up to her old bedroom where she just threw the bags on the floor before she crashed onto the floor herself. <br /><br />It was too messy, it had all gone wrong. It was never suppose to get this messy. <br /><br />“Alex, hey. It’s me, erm. Okay. We need to talk? Okay. When you get back home, you’ll probably notice that it’s emptier? I’m sorry. I should have told you this before and trust me the guilt of it all is killing me. I don’t want to leave it all on a message. It’s too complicated for a message, so erm. Call me please. Whenever you hear this. I don’t care how late it is.” <br /><br />As soon as she hung up, she saw her dad’s head peeping through the gap of her door. “Jo, what’s wrong? What’s with all the bags? Aren’t you working today?”<br /><br />“Jeez dad. One question at a time.” Joana forced herself to laugh. “It’s just you know, the end of a road. We’ve had many bumps as you know through the years and I think this is probably the last straw. It was good while it lasted. I suppose. I’ll be alright. Why aren’t you at work?”<br /><br />“Oh I’m going in later today. I will be off in about an hour, but are you sure you are going to be okay? I mean you two do argue a lot and such.”<br /><br />“I’m going to be fine and I’m sure this is it. So don’t worry about me and go to work.” <br /><br />Joana wasn’t looking forward to the long explanation she had to do for Alex and she was scared of it. Scared of the unknown in front of her. But no part of her was feeling that sad at all to be losing Alex. She bean to think perhaps during the months of the supposedly meaningless relationship with Richard she had let him become so much more important in her heart. <br /><br />She didn’t feel like she was losing a boyfriend, someone who she had shared almost everything with for two years and until two months ago she couldn’t see a reason for wanting to consider abandoning their perfect life they had unofficially planned together for the years ahead of them. <br /><br />She was more disappointed as if she was losing a good friend. <br /><br />Her phone vibrated on the floor next to her only half an hour later she glanced over to see the lit up screen to see the name Alex on it. As soon as she answered the phone he was already shouting at the out of utter confusion. Sounding also of anger for throwing something like this upon him out of the blue. <br /><br />“Alex, look. I’m sorry. I know this is probably the worst timing imaginable with you trying to do your thing at the moment. But I had to do it. I’ve been, no, I was seeing someone behind your back and it’s just the guilt has been eating me away inside.”<br /><br />“You what?” Alex exclaimed initially then he fell silent, “When?”<br /><br />“Since when I went to Pau and until I left Paris. I’m so sorry. I never would have imagined for me to be someone like that. I just...I don’t know what to say.”<br /><br />“Someone from work then?”<br /><br />“No, not technically no. I mean I worked with him in a way-”<br /><br />“Oh no, oh Jo.” Alex cut her off laughing bitterly. “Don’t tell me you jumped on one of the players.” <br /><br />“I didn’t jump on anyone but yes. Alex, I really...it never...I know there is no excuse for it and you don’t have to forgive me so I’ve moved out, I’m back home. You can hate me all you like.” <br /><br />“But it’s history now right? It was nothing ever serious right? It was probably just a little thing for him too, Jo, I thought you were smarter than that...”<br /><br />“Oh it is very much history now. It got ugly in Paris. I know Alex, I thought so too but apparently I wasn’t.”<br /><br />“Jo, we all make mistakes, at least you’ve told me now I mean. A little late but at least you’ve owned up to it. It’s over now anyway so why can’t we just talk this over and you don’t move out? I don’t want to lose you over something stupid as this.”<br /><br />“Because I can’t forgive myself Alex and because today I found out that I am pregnant with his child. That is why.”<br /><br />“You fucking kidding me?” Alex laughed, “You can’t be serious.”<br /><br />“I wish I was joking too. I’m sorry. But I don’t think we could ever fix this.”<br /><br />“So this is it? Two years ending over the mistake of one stupid night?”<br /><br />“It’s not just that. I think, I’ve sort of realised that...we have drifted apart Alex. I mean you are more a habit to me as opposed to someone I want to keep and love. You know? We just got so used to each other.”<br /><br />“Yeah. Maybe.” <br /><br />“Maybe we’ll be able to talk again in about five years and laugh over how ridiculous we were?”<br /><br />“Are you sure it’s his?”<br /><br />“Yes, the math works out.”<br /><br />“Okay then...” <br /><br />“I’m so sorry and thank you. I cannot believe I wrecked something so good like this, I’m going to miss you.”<br /><br />“Me too.” <br /><br />Joana pulled her phone away from her ear as Alex spoke his final words and hung up. Convincing herself it was the right thing to do. That it was the right decision to make. She put her phone back down on the floor next to her and tried began to unpack. Putting her room back together the way it was before everything changed.<br /><br />To start all the way from the beginning again, from before Melbourne and try to go through it this time better for her sake and for the sake of the unborn child.</blockquote></blockquote> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:de_milmentiras:13303 2009-04-02T17:27:50Z 2009-04-02T17:27:50Z Big Bang - la la la | Powered by Last.fm <b>Alpha - Sixteen - PG-13</b><br />(I do not know all the names mentioned within, none of this happened. I made up a LOT of stuff and forgot a fair few stuff for the sake of my own convinience. Richard's results and tennis related stuff mentioned of 2006 and 2008 are true however. )<br /><br /><blockquote>*Joana is on the verge of a new life afraid to that that leap. Leaving the life as she knows it and entering a whole different world, tells herself she will not lose herself in this new world. Then she stumbles into the world that she knows nothing about, but she is intrigued. She intrigues <i>him</i> and she intrigued with <i>him</i>. She dares, she dares to let her mind wonder about a future after one brief encouter with Richard Gasquet - though she knows deep down inside that she is more likely to be one of the many encouters for him. (After all, she is nothing, to him and his world.)<br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br /><blockquote><i>sixteen</i><br /><br />“Jesus Christ…” Joana’s jaw dropped as she followed carefully behind Lee’s footsteps into the packed stadium, she had expected something grand but it was something beyond what she could have only imagined. <br /><br />“Home support is here in great numbers, apparently.” Lee muttered as he waved over to her towards the crowding area of the photographers to the right of her. <br /><br />Joana took cautious steps into the crowd next to her, squeezing through to find the space for herself and Lee, who followed slowly behind her watching her find them some space to stand in for rest of the match. A short one she hoped, one where Richard could dispose of the higher seed quickly in front of the home crowd. <br /><br />She couldn’t help but to remember those words from Richard about the expectations of the Nation and how distressed he seemed by the whole thing. For his sake, she hoped so much that this would only have one positive outcome. <br /><br />She had no idea of course of how much better and how much more important his opponent was, all she did know was that before the match everyone had already tipped for Nalbandian to win. That Richard had no chance of winning it what so ever, then continued on talking about how much of a failure he had been in the past seasons and that he only had himself to blame for not being ranked high enough to have to face one of the top seeds in the second round of the home grand slam. <br /><br />Joana had spent the time rolling her eyes at them and now there they were, waiting for the match that everyone was waiting for. <br /><br />“Joana?” Lee looked over to her, nudging her a little. <br /><br />“Oh, yeah. Sorry.” She seemed to be apologizing all the time of late around Lee and Erika, she quickly put down the bag from her shoulder and zipped open the bag and handed over to Lee his camera and its parts. <br /><br />Joana tapped her feet impatiently as she waited for any signs of the players appearing on court, her eyes wandered all around them again, up at the crowds. Amongst the many French flags there were the occasional Argentine ones with the shots of ‘vamos’ as opposed to the familiar ‘allez’.<br /><br />She had managed to text him before she had come on to court to wish him luck; that he’d be okay. But she had no idea if he had time to read it or if he had read it as there was no reply. Not that her words would have made any difference at all to him right now. <br /><br />“Nervous for your friend then hm?” Lee said as he narrowed his eyes at her, clearly irritated by her tapping foot, which brought to Joana’s attention that it probably was irritating a lot of people around them.<br /><br />“Nervous? No, no. He’s not really a friend. I mean…Oh I don’t know.” Joana rambled and she just stared at the player’s entrance, waiting for that players’ announcement to be made, for them to appear on that big scoreboard with statistics she was yet to fully comprehend. <br /><br />Slowly the officials and ball kids of the court came on and took to their positions and it wasn’t too long until the graphic on the scoreboard changed, leading a roaring cheer for the favourite, for David Nalbandian. Then the introduction got long, too long Joana felt, the unnecessary amount of pressure, for Richard. Which was met with a justified amount of ovation from the stands. <br /><br />It was when the first ball of the match was hit Joana had realized her right fist was clenched tightly. <br /><br />That she had was feeling nervous, very nervous. <br /><br />She had expected so much from this, from the match and she couldn’t quite believe how quickly the first set slipped away from being on an even ground for the first set to tip in the Argentine’s favour. 6-2.<br /><br />6-2. Joana muttered to herself over and over again, chanting almost, hoping that in someway her belief in him, in this would be carried over to him. That this wasn’t going to be as disappointing as the first set would have suggested. The public also seemed to be that way with them chanting as loudly when the second set began. <br /><br />A fight back.<br /><br />Joana couldn’t help but to feel a little responsible and proud when Richard fought back to level the match to one set all. Seeing the belief back on his face, hearing the belief in the wave of the flags above her. <br /><br />‘Believe, believe, believe.’ She said over and over again as the third set unfolded. <br /><br />The third set was much more competitive than the previous two, so much closer than the opening two sets. Both of them had changed their game, they were both finding their rhythm and their game. As nervous as she was and however biased her perspective on the match was, Joana was genuinely enjoying the quality of the tennis in display in front of her. <br /><br />She looked over at the man next to her, who was much more occupied at just capturing it and looking at the match through the view finder. Joana couldn’t help but to dare to ask Lee for the camera in his hand, just for one game. One game. One rally. But she couldn’t bring herself to when she was still learning technical terms she already knew and still just carrying things for him. <br /><br />Joana’s chanting of “hold your serve, damn it.” Seemed distant by the time the chair umpired had called “Jeu et la troisieme manche monsieur Nalbandian. Monsieur Nalbandian mener 2 manches a 1.”<br /><br />“Shit.” Joana spat out as soon as she heard it, as soon as she saw the triumph on Nalbandian’s face. How he was responding to his out-numbered supporters. Then she saw it, saw Richard’s face, saw the complete disheartened look on his face. “No, no don’t give up now. You’ve fought so hard so far. There are two sets to go.” She said to herself, hoping that maybe her positive energy could so something for him again. <br /><br />It appeared to have worked to a certain extent as he tried to get himself in to the fourth set, tried to get him geared up for another fight back in the fourth. But when he went the first break down on his first service game, he seemed to have lost all will. <br /><br />From that point onwards he just looked like he had given up.<br /><br />When he went two breaks down, he looked like he just wanted to get off the court. Forget about the match. Just hand over to the Argentine the win, the match. The entry into the third round of the French Open.<br /><br />“No, no. This isn’t how it’s supposed to go.” Joana said in utter disbelief of what she was watching happen in front of her. <br /><br />“Jeu, manche et match. Monsieur Nalbandian. 6-2, 3-6, 7-5, 6-0” Not the words she had wanted to hear coming from the chair umpire. <br /><br />The cameras all around her clicked madly as Nalbandian did his short on court interview after the match, as he paced around the court a little and signed autographs for the eager children, waving their pens in front of his face. Joana just couldn’t care less, her eyes just watched the slumped nineteen year old defeated French man disappearing silently out of the public’s eye.<br /><br />“Shame about your friend eh?” Lee said casually as the match was over and the stand started emptying. <br /><br />“Yeah, I was really sensing a come back there.” Joana muttered. <br /><br />“The mental game isn’t Gasquet’s strength. When he let’s go of it, he let’s go of it.” Lee responded, “I’m going to stay on here for the last match of the day, I can expect you to stay here with me yes?” <br /><br />Joana nodded slowly in response as she took the small black card from Lee’s hand. She rummaged around the small pockets of the bag and pulled out a plastic case, giving Lee another one and placing in the case the one that Lee had just given her. She placed it in another pocket, one that was there for the completely full memory cards. <br /><br />**<br /><br />“First round, second round. This has to be my worst grand slam result in years.” Richard mumbled into the water bottle in his hand. Laughing bitterly. <br /><br />“Don’t be so harsh on yourself. I mean, it just…”Eric trailed off, he wasn’t quite sure what to say any more either. Not after another defeat like this, when Richard had the most disappointing results in the first two grand slams since he was 17, back then the first round was an achievement after the qualifying draw. Not to mention the fact that Richard had also failed to defend the points from the previous year’s results. <br /><br />“Oh the media are going to have a field day. I guess I’m avoiding all things for about two weeks?” <br /><br />“Ignore that, you know better than to be bothered by that.”<br /><br />“True, true…” Richard grumbled, sinking into the sofa further. <br /><br />“We can just focus right now trying to get you ready for the grass you love so much.” Eric said, Richard looked to him and just nodded as he carefully studied the phone in his hand that he had been off for past five hours. <br /><br />“Want to talk about what happened?” Richard shot Eric a look that made it known to him that Richard clearly didn’t want to talk about the match, not yet and Eric looked away watching the screen Richard was angrily channel flicking. <br /><br />“Tomorrow, tomorrow on the way home. We’ll do it then. We will tear it apart and everything. Yes.” Richard mumbled. <br /><br />“I’ll leave you alone to your thoughts then. I’ll call you later about our leaving arrangements. So turn that phone on at some point tonight.” Eric said getting up, his hand firmly squeezing Richard’s shoulder before he turned to leave, walking carefully to avoid the tray of the room service food sitting on the floor. <br /><br />Richard turned his head to watch Eric leave the room and he just leant back, looking up at the ceiling. He closed his eyes and he could remember all of it. All of the things that went well, but mostly the things that went wrong. The things he could have done, the wrong decisions he had made at the fraction of a second. <br /><br />“Why did I do that? Why?” He almost shouted at himself, remembering the points he would have rather forgotten so much clearly than the ones he would prefer to remember. <br /><br />Throwing the empty bottle in his hand across the room. <br /><br />He knew he was never going to win that match but he had never expected to lose it in such a fashion, to lose so badly. With such a shocking score line. He had made too many wrong decisions, too many errors. (The journalists of the press conference didn’t help by pointing out to him how many points he had lost and how many errors he had made. Pointing out to him the crucial points that he had played wrong.)<br /><br />Richard grudgingly pulled himself off the seat and forced himself to do something else, distract his mind. To stop being so angry at himself. He wandered over towards the other end of the room, opening up his suitcase; the one had unpacked hoping to stay longer than he had stayed. Within four days he was packing again. <br /><br />Just as he was done emptying the shelf of his closet there was a knock at his door, thinking it might have been the result of him rattling near the furniture he stared at the door standing still until he heard it again. He stepped over his suitcase and rushed towards his door to answer it. <br /><br />“Hey, sorry, I’m not interrupting anything am I? I was just worried and I called several times and I just managed to get away from work and I couldn’t get through and...yeah.” <br /><br />Richard stood there and just laughed, watching Joana ramble standing in front of him, slightly taken aback by it all. He had not expected her to care so much, worry enough to come find him here. He had been swept away in the anger and the disappointment of the match he had forgotten all about the one person who was able to make him smile and forget about everything else. <br /><br />“Okay, yes. Laugh at the rambling idiot.” Joana continued.<br /><br />“I’m just...I didn’t expect you to come find me. Like, worry so much.” He laughed a little. “I’m glad you are here though.” <br /><br />Richard stepped aside the door way and gestured for her to come in, shutting the door behind her. “I’m in the middle of packing, sorry. Ignore the mess.” <br /><br />“Mess? Really, you call this mess compared to what you saw in my room in Pau?” Joana laughed then the smile quickly faded from her face. “Oh, you are packing.” She said, coming into realisation of what that exactly meant. “Of course, you’re leaving.”<br /><br />She said, leaning on the back of the sofa next to her just watching him pace about trying to bring some order into the room. <br /><br />“Tomorrow afternoon.” He said, pushing aside the suitcase.<br /><br />She had planned for five days to be spent with him, she had begged for Paris for this, but the plan didn’t always work out the way she wanted. Now he was leaving on the fourth day of that five day plan. <br /><br />“I should leave you to arrange all your stuff to leave then, really shouldn’t I, I’ve seen that you are okay so I guess I’ll go.” Joana said pushing off the chair behind her. He hadn’t mentioned anything to suggest that they were going any further than this, whatever this was. He wasn’t showing any signs of disappointment at the fact that he had to leave her tomorrow. That neither of them were sure when they would be able to see each other again. <br /><br />“No, stay. I need you to stay.” He said as she turned her back to him, Joana froze in her position at the use of the word ‘need’. “Please.” Richard continued and Joana just turned on her heels again to face him. <br /><br />“You <i>need</i> me to stay?” <br /><br />“Yes, I do. You are keeping me sane, right now, see, when I’m with you I can forget about everything else and I feel like I only matter for who I am, not what I am.” <br /><br />Joana didn’t need to hear any more to be convinced to stay, stay as long as he needed her there with him. “How about I help you pack and free up more time to spend together?” She said, worrying a little as she wondered if she wasn’t sounding too eager or too forward. Or sound like she was forcing the issue too much. <br /><br />“I think you will see the most unflattering side of me packing my stuff, but I will pack as quickly as I can of what I can do for now so you will have my undivided attention rest of the night.” Richard grinned. <br /><br />**<br />Joana crept across the room as quietly as she could possibly manage without waking Richard up to answer the phone ringing in her bag on the other side of the room. She swore under her breath staring at the caller ID on display. <br /><br />For the first time and the last time in her life, she had prayed so hard that it was Lee or Erika.<br /><br />Why Alex had the worst timing of all, she had no idea. To prevent from him calling repeatedly, she had no choice but to answer it. <br /><br />“Hey, I thought I told you that I would call when I could...?” Joana whispered down her phone. “Look, can I call you back, later, in couple of hours please? Yeah, I know. I know it’s been four days. I know Alex. Okay, I’ll talk to you later.” She said, her voice becoming gradually louder with every word as she tried to get the message across to him that she really was not in a situation to answer a call.<br /><br />Then she sat in the middle of the floor and stared at the phone in her hand and then across the room. She couldn’t quite believe the situation she had put herself in to. Joana would have never imagined herself to be a girl in such a situation. She would have talked badly of such people and judged the girls who did just what she was doing. <br /><br />She was preparing to throw away something so perfect and good as it was for something that was new and exciting and probably something they would be sick and tired of in another month due to complete lack of contact. She let out a silent scream and slapped her forehead several times. <br /><br />Her day dreaming had gone too far it seemed. <br /><br />“Something wrong?” <br /><br />Joana jumped as she looked up to see Richard sitting at the end of his bed, looking at her curiously. <br /><br />“No, no. It’s just...nothing.”<br /><br />“Doesn’t look like nothing. Who is Alex?” <br /><br />She stared at Richard blankly, he had heard her conversation, she swore over and over again in her head. A part of her wanted to say ‘a friend, a friend back home’ but she knew she had to stop this. It had gone too far and she knew he would get over this and her quickly anyway. <br /><br />“He’s my boyfriend.” <br /><br />Richard just shook his head in utter disbelief, laughing. “Is this the same guy that you failed to tell me about in Halle?”<br /><br />“Yeah. I...I’m so sorry. I mean there is no excuse for this. I just – I didn’t plan for any of this to happen. You know. It just happened so quickly and I was just enjoying this too much. You know? You can’t possibly think I would have thrown away my boyfriend of so many years for this? For something so volatile?” Joana rambled out, sensing her exit was coming she got to her feet, pacing across the room, picking up her jumper before pulling it over her head. Finding her shoes at the foot of the bed as she walked past Richard.<br /><br />“So what is this? What am I to you?” He said as she stepped into her shoes by the door way. <br /><br />“Does that really matter? I was never anything to you either, why are you acting so crazy? You can have any girl’s heart to toy with every other month. It was just my turn. I just wanted to know what it was like. You know.”<br /><br />“I’m nothing to you, really?”<br /><br />“You can’t surely think that I would believe you saying that I am so special to you. We hardly know each other, I mean. We’ve known each other for barely four months Richard, we’ve seen each other a handful of occasions. You can’t expect me to think this was going to be something and leave the love of my life.”<br /><br />“Yeah, yeah. You’re right. You are nothing. You are like everyone else. I’m sure you can find you own way out of here.” <br /><br />You are nothing.<br /><br />The words pierced through Joana, leaving entrance and exit wounds, making her physically ache as she stormed out of the room. Out of his hotel and out of his life. <br /><br />It was nothing, it was nothing. She had no idea why it affected her so much and why it hurt. It was the effect of being swept up about it all. Not that some part of her believed that this was something. <br /><br />So she assured herself as she stormed back to her hotel before she prepared for herself to face another day.</blockquote></blockquote> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:de_milmentiras:13028 2009-03-21T12:50:30Z 2009-03-21T12:50:30Z Epik High - Butterfly Effect | Powered by Last.fm <b>Alpha - Fifteen - PG-13</b><br />(I do not know all the names mentioned within, none of this happened. I made up a LOT of stuff and forgot a fair few stuff for the sake of my own convinience. Richard's results and tennis related stuff mentioned of 2006 and 2008 are true however. )<br /><br /><blockquote>*Joana is on the verge of a new life afraid to that that leap. Leaving the life as she knows it and entering a whole different world, tells herself she will not lose herself in this new world. Then she stumbles into the world that she knows nothing about, but she is intrigued. She intrigues <i>him</i> and she intrigued with <i>him</i>. She dares, she dares to let her mind wonder about a future after one brief encouter with Richard Gasquet - though she knows deep down inside that she is more likely to be one of the many encouters for him. (After all, she is nothing, to him and his world.)<br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br /><blockquote><i>fifteen</i><br /><br />Sighing happily Joana rolled over to one side, stretching and yawning slightly as she opened her eyes to a new day. It was then she suddenly realized where she was and how the space next to her was empty and it seemed to have been long enough to be cold. If Richard had to leave, it was probably very late for her was the conclusion that slowly came to her half awake brain. <br /><br />“Shit. Shit. Shit. Oh I’m so fucked.” Joana jumped up from the bed and looked about the room to see where she had left her bag, most importantly her phone. <br /><br />She stopped and stared curiously at the phone sitting on a table, she was sure she had left it in her bag. How it came to be there, she had no idea of until she had approached the table to see a note Richard had left next to it. <br /><br />‘I’m sorry I had to leave and I didn’t want to wake you. I’ll see you later I hope? Lee called several times, I made some sort of excuse. You might be alright. Call me when you see this.’<br /><br />Joana stared down at the piece of paper in horror, her temporary boss had called to shout at her for being late only to have the guy she just spent the night with answer it. She buried her face in her hands letting out a long silent scream followed by a long stream of swearing.<br /><br />She grabbed her phone and stared at it, whatever Richard had said it must have worked as there were no further missed calls or messages on her phone. Joana after quickly scrolling through her contact list called Richard, hoping he wasn’t too busy with something else. She needed to know what was said exactly before she made the next move. <br /><br />“I’m guessing you just got up?” A cheerful voice charmed from the other end of the phone line.<br /><br />“Yes, yes. What were you thinking Richard? Taking a call when I’m late? How was any excuse going to cover up the fact that I had obviously just spent the night with the man who answered my phone?” Joana reeled out without taking a breath the pitch of her voice rising a little more with every word she said.<br /><br />“Joana, I’m not that stupid. I told him that we bumped into each other last night and we were catching up and you had left your phone behind at the cafe and I told him that I arranged to meet you sometime later on the grounds to give it back to you. So he thinks you have travelled here separately and are already here. Also assured him that you would probably call to explain as soon as you got your phone back.”<br /><br />“Oh.” Joana said, feeling a little bad about having lost her temper temporarily. “Thank you. Thank you so much. I’ll get moving now so I can get there before the timing don’t quite fit and he starts asking too many questions I cannot answer. Thanks so much again and sorry for sort of shouting.”<br /><br />“It’s okay, understandable. You will still have to explain to them how we know each other though.” He laughed, “Okay I have to go but call me later or let me know if things are alright.” <br /><br />“Yeah, yeah, will do. I’ll see you later!” Joana said and laughed a little out of embarrassment, she hadn’t actually used the French she’d been polishing secretly for months until that moment. <br /><br />As soon as she hung up her phone she rushed into the bathroom and found herself the spare toothbrush as she attempted to tie back her hair. Joana paced in and out of the bathroom as she got dressed properly again, trying to look presentable. <br /><br />She rushed out and grabbed the belt that she had left on the back of chair and her coat. She threw in the belt into her bag and her phone. She looked about her quickly and with her coat and bag in her arm she rushed out of the room and she had managed to get in a taxi en route to the venue in twenty minutes. <br /><br />Joana attempted to rush the taxi driver as much as she could with her minimal French knowledge and gave him ten more Euros than she had should have done when she finally reached her destination and almost ran towards the gates as she quickly presented her ID. Once she had stepped inside the grounds she found her phone and called Lee to find out where he was and what was going on work wise.<br /><br />“Joana King, what the-?” Lee exclaimed as soon as he picked up the phone.<br /><br />“I’m so very sorry. I got up this morning and I freaked and I was trying to remember where I could have possibly left my phone so I went back to the restaurant to ask about it and Richard had left me a note so I had rushed over here to get it. Sorry! Where are you right now?” <br /><br />“We are sitting in the media building, pumping some caffeine into our systems. Get yourself in here quickly!” <br /><br />“Will be there in a second!” Joana breathed as she hung up her phone, glad to have had her alibi sail much easier than she had predicted. She looked about her trying to find her bearings before she set off to find Lee and Erika. <br /><br />Joana apologized a thousand times more when she got there as Lee and Erika told her repeatedly the importance of punctuality on the job. She sat across the table from them and sipped her cup of coffee silently (and quickly) as the other two looked over and seriously discussed the order of play. <br /><br />“Oh Joana.” Lee quickly looked up from the piece of paper, making Joana jump and almost burn the roof of her mouth. <br /><br />“Yeah?” she said after coughing on the hot beverage a little.<br /><br />“How do you know Richard Gasquet? I mean, like, on such friend terms with him? Close enough to enjoy impromptu meeting out with him?” He said narrowing his eyes as he studied Joana’s face carefully.<br /><br />“Bumped into him several times in Melbourne erm…the team and I got rather close with the French team in Halle when we were there for the Davis Cup stuff so yeah. We just seem to click, really. Oddly enough.” Joana said with a nervous laugh. <br /><br />“Been on the job five months and you are on friends terms with some of the players? That’s crazy. I’ve never really been close to one, I mean there are ones I don’t mind talking to but never really outside this environment I don’t think…” Lee trailed off as he kept his eyes on Joana in a little disapproving way. <br /><br />“Media and players don’t mix well. I’ve found over the years.” Erika joined in. “But I think our kind, the photographers are the least vicious kind of media to deal with I suppose.” <br /><br />“Yeah….” Joana responded with another nervous laugh again, quickly trying to empty her coffee before they came to a decision and started moving. <br /><br />“Well, unfortunately we can’t cover your friend’s match. But we will be able to be almost anywhere else. Erika is going to go look around the courts that are starting early and I’m going to go by the practice courts for a bit. What do you fancy?” Lee said placing the pen in his hand into his pocket. <br /><br />“Practice courts? I did say I don’t really enjoy the real tennis bit, didn’t I?” Joana said, trying to lighten up the atmosphere a little but getting little response she quickly emptied the rest of the contents of her cup into her mouth and got up before the other two did. <br /><br />With that the day of being on her feet most of the time began, she was handed over to carry Lee’s equipment for the day and followed him through the crowds firstly towards the practice courts where she was more than glad to see some familiar faces. Which made the job less dull despite of how tedious it was than her usual outings. <br /><br />Most of the day consisted of her just staring into space as Lee’s camera went off constantly next to her, which Joana enjoyed a little as she could let her mind wander into listening into the French public around them. Trying to understand what they were saying, trying to learn something new if she could pick up anything from several hours of just standing at the practice courts. <br /><br />After two hours of standing around in the same position they walked across the grounds to find a court for a match Lee was convinced was going to be a good match to cover. <br /><br />On the way across the grounds, Joana couldn’t help but to glance up at the large scoreboards of all the matches. She had no idea when Richard was playing and she couldn’t remember who he was playing and as she didn’t have to luxury of the time to stand in front of the big digital scoreboard she had to look over it quickly. <br /><br />6-4.<br /><br />Richard had won the first set and was break up in the second. She had never heard of the name of his opposition or had she any idea of the opponent’s quality but Joana couldn’t help but to smile a little as she then walked past it. Following behind Lee closely not to lose herself in the crowds.<br /><br />Once they were positioned on the quickly filling up court, Joana was forced to sit on the floor next to Lee, while he commanded of her different things once more. She had never hoped so much for an interest in the sport for it would have made time pass by so much quicker. <br /><br />Occasionally Joana let her mind wander off to other places, thinking about Richard and the idea of them. If or how it would work. Trying to figure out in her head, what this was. They weren’t exclusive. The idea of a ‘them’ wasn’t discussed at all, so far it was still something a little casual, something a little casual that was lasting a lot longer than it usually would for him. <br /><br />Her mind raced from the beginning, how Halle had gone wrong and how Pau was so wonderfully good. His words echoing around in her head, that voice, that accent, the way he just looked at her and held her. Everything seemed to suggest that maybe there could be something more there than it appeared. Something more than what it was on the surface. <br /><br />Every time she would lose herself and enjoy planning out in her head what she would do later when she saw him, Lee snapped her back from her day dream. Day dreaming was probably the worst idea when she had started the day by being late. <br /><br />Joana sighed and looked over at Lee, he was much more approachable than Erika but they were both too ‘boss’ like. This was the way it should have been for her from the beginning but she had enjoyed her usual team too much of her slightly easier work and the appreciation of her own little creativity. <br /><br />“Gasquet a gagné la deuxième manche.”<br /><br />Her head turned round immediately at the change of ends when she heard a woman say from somewhere behind her, she had no idea who until she saw a woman talking excitedly pointing at the phone in her hand.<br /><br />After seeing a stressed out tired Richard the night before she was much looking forward to a much happier one though when he was with her, he seemed to wear a smile. And no matter how downbeat she was, she was always wearing a permanent smile.<br /><br />“Focus on this court please Joana?” Lee said as Joana shifted back into her original position next to him.<br /><br />“Sorry.” She muttered and resumed to watching the meaningless players in front of her. <br /><br />**<br /><br />“Richard, you’ve been staring at that phone all afternoon. Who or what are you waiting for?” Eric said, laughing watching Richard’s eyes fixed on the phone in his hand.<br /><br />“It’s…nothing.” Richard said, leaning across the table in front of him.<br /><br />“I don’t think it’s nothing.” A voice came from behind him, closely followed by the sound of a chair being pulled up next to him. Richard looked up to see that it was the one and only Sebastien Grosjean. <br /><br />“I’m sensing girl trouble.” Sebastien said laughing.<br /><br />“He’s always in girl trouble, why can’t you teach him to be more sensible Seb?” Eric mocked. <br /><br />“It’s not girl trouble. It’s just….complicated.” Richard mumbled as he returned to resting his head on the table of the player’s lounge again. Just as he did so, the phone lit up and started vibrating. Richard shot up and stared at the screen and looked at the two men next to him and answered the phone.<br /><br />“I’m so sorry. I know I was supposed to call you straight away to let you know…it’s all good. Thank you again. I owe you big time.” <br /><br />“It’s okay. I was just a little worried.” Richard said and watched Sebastien mouth the word ‘little’, making inverted commas with his fingers. “So, are you free later? No, wait. You owe me, so, you will be free later for me?” he laughed, trying his best to ignore the man in the corner of his eye. <br /><br />“I will clear anything out for you. I just have some stuff to sort out for Erika and Lee for the next couple of hours but I could try to rush through it a little and clear out the evening for you.”<br /><br />“Good, good. I’ll come by your hotel about 7?”<br /><br />“Sounds good. I’ll meet you outside it as if you step into it, it may lead to chaos.” Joana laughed<br /><br />“Sure, that works for me. Seven it is then.” Richard grinned and hung up.<br /><br />“Oh it’s the same girl isn’t it? I recognize that grin.” Sebastien said, “It’s that Joana girl.” He continued, watching for Richard’s response. “Still carrying a torch for her? I’m telling you she’s like any other girl. She’s in Iit for the five seconds in the limelight on your arm.”<br /><br />“No, she isn’t. She isn’t like that. You met her. You know she isn’t like that at all!” Richard exclaimed defending Joana, trying not to let Sebastien’s words get to him. It was that with every girl who got close to him of course, he had to ask the questions. There was not even a ounce of doubt in his mind that Joana was anything like that. <br /><br />**<br /><br />Joana felt as if her worn out body had become light as feather again when she had gotten ready to go out to see Richard and she had an overwhelming sensation when she saw him there outside her hotel waiting. As he subtly tried to avoid being recognized too much. She couldn’t quite believe how much they could talk about endlessly, it felt like they had known each other more like 4 years than 4 months. <br /><br />“You don’t mind walking a bit, do you?” He said as they walked out of the restaurant and Joana shook her head in response. “Good, seeing as you have some odd reason never been in Paris, I will take you to my favourite spots.” With that Richard’s left hand slipped so naturally into Joana’s right hand, palms pressed together, fingers interlocked. It felt so right. <br /><br />“It’s not like I avoided Paris, I just never…I don’t know. We can’t tourist at 9pm surely.” Joana said as Richard just led her down the street into a much bigger busier one. <br /><br />Richard laughed and cautiously crossed the road where they came to a halt, Joana looked at him and looked about her, took a while to recognize where she was. It was such an obvious tourist attraction, she couldn’t help but to feel a little disappointed. She was hoping for a secret unknown attraction in Paris. Not one of the most prominent ones in it.<br /><br />“This, is one your favourite spots? Really?” <br /><br />“Place de l’etoile, yeah. Little disappointing, I know.” Richard laughed, “Have you been up there though?” He said pointing up to the roof of the arch in front of them. Joana shook her head. “You can see it from here I suppose how all the main roads, radiate out from this point? I just can’t forget the sight I saw when I first visited Paris and looking down on it from up there. The first time I came to see Roland Garros. The day I said to myself, I’m going to be one of the best and I’m going to win that one day.” <br /><br />“Fitting, sort of. I mean, the star bit I mean. You are one. You swore to yourself, that you’d be one, here.” <br /><br />Richard let out a bitter laugh, “I’m not a star, I’m far from one. In the eyes of the French media anyway.” <br /><br />“Screw the media.”<br /><br />“You are the media.”<br /><br />“We don’t write words.” Joana laughed a little.<br /><br />“True…” Richard trailed off, “You know, I was put on a pedestal by the media before I was ten, they said I’d be something. I’d be a slam winner, I’d be a top ten player. From the age of ten, I’ve had this constant burden of the nation’s expectation on my shoulders. I never asked for that, I never said that was my goal to live up to from the age of ten. They say I’m underachieving. I like to come here once and again and remind myself that I’m doing this for me and that it was a promise with myself and my dad. Not them. It has a special place in my heart this place.”<br /><br />Joana just stared at him, not quite sure what to do or say next. She was overwhelmed by the fact that he felt as if he could open up to her about this. Talk to her about this, his scars and his special place. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it tight. “You are a star, you are living up to your promise. Don’t let yourself think otherwise. You have so much more time to prove them all wrong and go beyond what you thought was your limit, you know?”<br /><br />Richard nodded, “Thank you, I needed to hear that. It’s crazy the stuff they say to you even after you win in straight sets.” <br /><br />“Media are just bitches, really.” Joana laughed, “I really have to go soon, I don’t want to risk over sleeping again.” <br /><br />“Going back to yours?” He asked with the pleading eyes again which Joana had to ignore this time round, as Joana nodded firmly he pulled over a taxi to the curb. <br /><br />“What about you?” She said as Richard just held the door out for her.<br /><br />“I can walk from here, I need to clear my head, thank you for everything tonight.” <br /><br />“No, thank you.” Joana said, pressing her lips against his softly, before he held her back from pulling away and kissed her back. <br /><br />“Take care, I’ll see you around at some point most likely.”<br /><br />“Yeah. Most likely. A demain, bon soir Richard.” Joana said getting into the taxi.<br /><br />“Bon soir Joana.” He said shutting the door behind her.<br /><br />He stood there and watched the taxi drive out of his sight and let out a happy sigh and dared to wonder if this was a real deal. It had to be, there was no one he had ever felt comfortable enough to tell his story to, to share his memories with. <br /><br />With her everything felt right. As it should. <br /><br />Grinning he crossed over the road and started walking slowly back towards his own hotel, still feeling the warmth of Joana’s hand in his palm.</blockquote></blockquote> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:de_milmentiras:12609 2009-03-19T22:31:18Z 2009-03-21T12:27:35Z <b>Alpha - Fourteen - PG-13</b><br />(I do not know all the names mentioned within, none of this happened. I made up a LOT of stuff and forgot a fair few stuff for the sake of my own convinience. Richard's results and tennis related stuff mentioned of 2006 and 2008 are true however. )<br /><br /><blockquote>*Joana is on the verge of a new life afraid to that that leap. Leaving the life as she knows it and entering a whole different world, tells herself she will not lose herself in this new world. Then she stumbles into the world that she knows nothing about, but she is intrigued. She intrigues <i>him</i> and she intrigued with <i>him</i>. She dares, she dares to let her mind wonder about a future after one brief encouter with Richard Gasquet - though she knows deep down inside that she is more likely to be one of the many encouters for him. (After all, she is nothing, to him and his world.)<br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br /><blockquote><i>fourteen</i> (May 2006)<br /><br />“It’s near the end of the season Joana, it’s going to be amazing. You are going to get to go the biggest stadiums in Europe.” <br /><br />“I know, I know. But I just want, one week. One week in Paris please.” Joana begged Gena, “Just one week. Okay five days, please?”<br /><br />Gena tapped her pen on her desk studying Joana’s face. Seeing the utter desperation on her face, Gena leant back in her chair and let out a long sigh. “Oh Joana, what am I going to do with you? I’ll see what I can do for you, last minute. Seeing as you seem that desperate to go. You know you won’t be able to work with your usual team as they are covering the end of the football season right? Are you okay with that?” <br /><br />“Yes, I just want to cover this, so badly. I know this is my last chance to go to a Grand Slam this year and…”<br /><br />“Okay, okay. I’ll see what I can do. You go do your stuff with Cat and I’ll let you know if I can get you to Paris next week.” Gena interrupted, waving her hand in the air, motioning for Joana to leave her in peace again. <br /><br />Joana spun on her heels immediately and walked away to return to her assigned job of the day with a grin fixed on her face. En route to making her way over back to where she was supposed to be working at, she walked past Neil who was looking at her in a way that made her feel a little uncomfortable. As if he heard every word of the grovelling she had just done to Gena. Neil had been a little uneasy around her since Pau, since the whole evening out in Pau. He looked at her as if he knew something, as if something was wrong. <br /><br />Or he was just looking at her in that way constantly in the hope that she would crack and tell him if something was wrong. Which struck her as odd; she had never known any male beings to be so intuitive. <br /><br />But whatever he was thinking, she was sure it involved the name Richard Gasquet and he wouldn’t have been wrong. She was also purely chasing a five days in Paris purely for that purpose too, since Pau there had been little contact. He had his crazy world to be swept up in and she, back home, had reality to return to. To forget and shake off. But she couldn’t shake off. <br /><br />She couldn’t forget no matter how hard she tried. That night that should not have happened, she couldn’t forget about. That night that was so perfect in every way, she couldn’t forget about. Every other night she would hear his voice again and remember the sensation of his skin on hers. Just as Joana would slowly start to fade it out of her system with the thoughts of reality, he would occasionally leave her a message. <br /><br />Just to let her know that he hasn’t forgotten her either. He, in his crazy big important world, hadn’t forgotten about a complete nobody that he had spent a night with. She laughed every time at the thought. It was stuff of fairy tales which also then made her realize that it was nothing. That fairy tales never really happened in the cruel reality. <br /><br />Joana pulled up a chair next to Catherine on her desk, letting her mind wander for now about the fairy tale she wanted to dare to believe in. <br /><br />“You are willing to leave us with a nobody to go off to Paris for a week? The betrayal Jo! The betrayal!” Catherine said sarcastically. <br /><br />“I’m sorry. But I just really need to get out of the country.” Joana laughed, “enough of that! Work?” she continued, snatching the pieces of paper out of Catherine’s hand. <br /><br />**<br /><br />“Joana King.” Joana half mumbled and half said as she offered her hand to the new faces she had to be working with for the next five days in Paris.<br /><br />“Lee Omara and this is Erika. I hear you begged to be here?” Lee laughed, taking Joana’s hand and shaking it firmly before handing over to Joana her worker pass for the week. <br /><br />“Erm, yeah. I did beg. Grovel. Annoyed Gena a lot for several hours.” Joana laughed nervously as she slung the tag over her head, looking displeased as always at the photo on it. <br /><br />“Big tennis fan then?” said Erika looking curiously at Joana.<br /><br />“Erm, wouldn’t say that either. Really. Just love the whole Grand Slam atmosphere. You know?” <br /><br />“I know exactly what you mean.” Erika laughed as she picked up a bag at her feet and handed it over to Joana and just stared at her, it took Joana a while to wake up and register the fact that she would have to carry it before the three of them started going anywhere. <br /><br />Joana was taken aback a little by how much heavier this bag was in comparison to any of Neil, Helen or Catherine’s stuff that she had ever carried. She pulled up the strap of the bag higher up her right shoulder, keeping it in position in one hand she took large strides along aside Erika and Lee as they slowly made their way from the entrance towards a destination. A destination that was unknown to Joana. <br /><br />They weaved through the excited buzzing French public, though the atmosphere was very different to what she had experienced in Melbourne. It excited her just as much and it made her just as much excited to know that she wasn’t that far from seeing Richard again, face to face. Being able to actually physically see him there, in front of her and remind herself that this might be a fairy tale worth chasing after. <br /><br />“Pardon” Joana was forced to mutter every time she walked sideways into someone, a situation that was far too familiar to her from Melbourne as she followed without question her colleagues. Her temporary bosses for the week. <br /><br />As they came close to the end of a pathway they were walking on, she could see in front of her a large crowd gathered and chatting loudly. Excitedly. Lee and Erika exchanged quick glances before Erika dived into the sea of people and went on ahead to find out what the big commotion was all about. <br /><br />Joana was glad to given a small amount of time to rest her shoulder and she carefully placed the bag down on the ground before she pulled out her phone from her jeans pocket. She immediately began to write a new message on her phone, texting as quickly as she could before she could see Erika return in the corner of her eye.<br /><br />‘I’m in Paris, well at Roland Garros to be precise.. I have no where I am .But I am somewhere in the grounds.’ She keyed in and read it over quickly to make sure it made sense before she sent the message. She had no idea if he cared at all or he would respond but she hoped. <br /><br />She glanced up from her phone to see Erika slowly wading her way out of the crowds, by the time Erika had returned to her and Lee, the phone in her hand vibrated and Joana looked down at it. Impressed by the quick response. <br /><br />“Gasquet is practicing with Mahut.” Erika announced as Joana was opening the message. <br /><br />Joana smiled to herself. Exactly the same thing she was reading on her screen. Now the huge crowd suddenly made sense. <br /><br />“Come on, we are going to get past this and find a spot, Lee I imagine you will go hunting on your own?” Erika said motioning for Joana to follow her quickly.<br /><br />Joana put her phone in her pocket once more and picked up the bag, pushing her way past the public eagerly watching the two Frenchmen practicing, on the other side they were able to breathe and had space to stand in. An area closed off the media related personnel only. The small footpath was located one court away from the court Richard and Nicolas were practicing on and Joana almost immediately waved when she noticed Richard sitting down, looking in their direction. <br /><br />Joana slowly put down the bag in front of her and followed Erika’s instructions, giving her what she needed and doing what Erika asked her to do. It was very different from working with her usual team. Erika didn’t talk much, she solely worked. Joana felt heart in her throat when she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket and she pulled it out of her pocket to check it. <br /><br />‘Reckon we could, catch up maybe, after?’<br /><br />He apparently still cared. It had been a little over a month and he still cared. She knew maybe perhaps it had the potential of being more than a one night thing, more than a brief casual encounter. Never had she expected to have him be so eager to see her again. Joana looked up from her phone and looked across the court at the man who was sitting at the base of the tennis court, looking in her direction, as if he was searching for her amongst the crowds. <br /><br />‘I suppose so, depends when is later?’<br /><br />She texted back as she smiled a little to herself as she put the phone back in her pocket.<br /><br />“What are you so amused about?” Erika said, snapping her out of her happy daze. <br /><br />“Oh, nothing. Nothing too exciting.” Joana said, looking in the direction of Richard who got to his feet and returned his phone back in his bag, before he focused again on Eric’s words. <br /><br />“Okay then, focus. You might learn something.” Erika said, with that Joana felt the phone in her pocket vibrate again. <br /><br />“Yeah, sure.” Joana responded, ignoring the buzz in her pocket. <br /><br />Uneventful forty minutes followed, Joana was forced to run back and forth between Erika and Lee several times to relay on messages and to hand things over. She had been at Roland Garros less than two hours and she was already feeling tired. Wanting to quit for a day. <br /><br />Maybe Neil had been right all along, she had gotten the better ride and she should have been grateful for it from the beginning. <br /><br />It was in between deciding where to head next, Joana got a chance to check the phone in her pocket that had been vibrating at regular ten minute intervals. <br /><br />‘I have too much media things going on today. I have to meet some people I don’t really know for dinner as well, but if you have time later tonight? Where are you staying?’<br /><br />Joana wasn’t even given a chance to consider replying to the message she was reading as the phone vibrated in her hand once more, but from another sender. The reality, the one that brought her back down to Earth. Then she swore under her breath again, what was she doing? <br /><br />‘Alex! My phone is acting up lately, erm. Don’t try to call me and wait for me to call you okay? I think I will now have less free time too with these new people I’m working with. Miss you already too! xxx’ she sent the message, she needed a back up plan, an option to return to reality when her fairy tale ended.<br /><br />“Okay court 3 just started filling up so I’m going to go check that out, want to come with or do you want to go walk around looking for something else interesting with Lee?” Erika said after having studied the order of play in her hand carefully. <br /><br />“I’ll stick with Lee I think, if he doesn’t mind that is?” Joana said looking over to the man sitting next to her. <br /><br />“No, no. Not at all. We’ll catch up with you later then Erika.” Lee responded. As soon as the words were out of Lee’s mouth Erika turned back and headed away from them. When she was out of sight Lee got to his feet and looked at Joana. “Shall we?” <br /><br />“I think we should.” She said getting to her feet reluctantly, picking up the now slightly less heavy bag with Erika taking all of her own stuff wit her. <br /><br />“Okay then, let’s go. There’s quite a good one coming up on court seven I think. Come.” Lee said after he had stared at the piece of paper Erika had left behind. <br /><br />Joana followed without question once more, trying to map the venue in her head as they walked. She mindless sat through a match of players she vaguely recognized, Joana personally couldn’t tell much difference in the style of tennis being played on a different surface. Everyone she knew that followed the sport always seemed to be going on about the different surfaces, to her, it seemed the same. Perhaps the points were a little longer. <br /><br />She felt useless, a little the entire day she had spent at Roland Garros. Every once in a while Lee or Erika would share their knowledge with them, something about the job or how to make most of the small fraction of a second you have to capture. Something she already knew and heard from the seniors from her usual team. She was not once asked about her opinions on anything and Joana didn’t even dare to ask to touch a camera though her hands were itching for it.<br /><br />When the play was finally wrapped up on the first day of the French Open Joana could not have been gladder. She opted to spend rest of the night alone, wander the Parisian streets alone and use her very little French knowledge to get by. Erika and Lee weren’t horrible people, she just couldn’t seem to click with them on a personal level like she had done with the other team. She wanted to avoid a night of awkward forced conversation.<br /><br />She yawned and stretched as she wandered down the emptying night streets trying to remember the correct route to take back to her hotel. She craved a bed, comfort and rest before she had to face another day being on Erika and Lee’s tails and following their every word. Joana was ten minute walk away from her hotel when she heard her phone ringing in her bag and she rummaged through it quickly trying to find it, she had no idea why she always found it so difficult find her phone in such an empty bag. <br /><br />Richard. She swore under her breath, she had somehow managed to completely forget about replying to his message earlier on in the day.<br /><br />“Planning to ever get back to me or to just keep me hanging?” <br /><br />“Sorry! I had such a hectic day like you wouldn’t – oh no, wait. Never mind. I’m sorry. I was just really swept off my feet and I was just taking some personal time to myself this evening and I got lost in my own world. Sorry, where are you? What are you up to now?”<br /><br />“Had some uncomfortable dinner meeting with some people I’m on my way back to the hotel right now, where are you?”<br /><br />“Almost back at mine actually. Surely it’s too late to do anything now and you have to play tomorrow.”<br /><br />“No, no. I have time for you. Where are you staying?”<br /><br />“Exelmans? It’s probably on the other side of the city of where you are at.”<br /><br />“Not that much, in the current traffic I say about 15 minutes?” Richard laughed, “I’m at the Radisson, call me when you get here.”<br /><br />“Oh Richard, you can’t just tell me to come and expect me to just jump on the next taxi that comes my way to see you. If anything, you should come to me, surely!” <br /><br />“Okay, fine then. I’ll come see you. I want to see you.” He said emphasizing on the word ‘want’ as he said it. <br /><br />“Really? No. Wait. The hotel is full of media people. Somebody will notice. I think your original suggestion was much wiser. I’ll get on the next taxi I see.” Joana said, shaking as she said it. Not quite believing herself. She would have never imagined herself pulling a taxi over to go see a tennis player, a world class tennis player, in Paris because he wanted to see her. “I’ll call you when I get there.” <br /><br />Before she knew it, she was walking through the lobby of a much grander hotel than her own and going up many more levels than she could ever afford. Joana was no longer thinking about if it was good or bad, right or wrong. She was just doing it as she felt, impulse. Spontaneously. There was a secret life that was being presented to her that she could have only imagined, it wasn’t going to last long and she had figured no one had to know about it. It would be a little self indulgence she would allow herself for a while.<br /><br />She knew far too well that it would be another month or two when Richard would probably forget about her and move on. She just wasn’t of the right world to keep him constantly intrigued. <br /><br />After careful inspection Joana knocked on the door of the number she checked several times and to her relief Richard appeared from behind the opening door. He appeared to be just as happy to see her and just as tired. <br /><br />“I can’t stay long, you have a match to play tomorrow and I have to slave all day tomorrow.” She said following him into his room, carefully inspecting the sheer grandness of it. <br /><br />“Okay, okay. I’m just happy to see you. To talk to you, you know, face to face.” Richard grinned, motioning for Joana to sit somewhere and make herself comfortable. <br /><br />Joana after a little hesitation sat down on the sofa near the entrance of the room, feeling immediate relief to find somewhere to sit long enough for the first time in hours it seemed. <br /><br />“Long day huh?” He mocked as he sat on the table opposite her before he pressed a kiss on her forehead as Joana slowly nodded. “I really have missed you.”<br /><br />She laughed mockingly in response, “Really? I’m not so convinced. You had time to breathe and think about me at all in the past month?” <br /><br />“Really.” Richard said firmly, looking straight at her. <br /><br />He said it in a way that made her heart race, the way that she only thought Alex could do. A look that said that she was the only one that mattered and the only one he cared about. Joana just smiled in response before she leant in towards Richard to place a soft kiss on his lips. <br /><br />The lips that she couldn’t stop thinking about.<br /><br />“I missed you too.” She said, afraid a little about how much she meant every word of it. Joana couldn’t help but to feel a little guilty as she said them though she told herself that she wouldn’t think rationally about this anymore. <br /><br />Richard then sat in the seat next to her, surprising a little to both of them at how comfortable they were around each other now. As if they had known each other for so long, being able to just talk, despite the language barrier at times. Richard would stop and think hard every other sentence and Joana laughed a little at the concentration on his face or when the French stumbled out of his mouth first. <br /><br />Every time he would turn a shade of red and Joana couldn’t help but to fall for him a little more at the sight. <br /><br />Joana complained about her temporary new bosses for the week, how she felt like it was a sudden demotion after four months chasing around the same people. That she had never felt so useless and lost since the first day in Melbourne. <br /><br />They both smiled at the mention of Melbourne, it was how it all began. Joana laughed a little at the memory of it, she would have never imagined back then, at that moment in time, she would be sitting in Paris next to him again. Being in this situation.<br /><br />“God, I feel like I have been talking about myself the whole time…” She trailed off as she looked through her bag to find her phone. “Oh it’s rather late I should go. You should sleep. I’d need some sort of a miracle now to get up tomorrow morning as it is!”<br /><br />“Don’t go.” Richard said, watching Joana get to her feet, his eyes looking up at her as she tried to turn away.<br /><br />“No, it’s not a matter of what we want here. You need rest. I need rest. I have taken so much time up already.” Joana continued, yawning as she said so. <br /><br />He pulled a face and got to his feet, continuing to look at her displeased at the decision. Joana looked over at him and turned on her heels to walk away, as difficult as it was to resist, she had to step away. <br /><br />Or so she attempted to; Richard held her wrist back, pulling her towards him when she had caught her completely off guard. “Stay. Please.” He whispered over her ear as he held her close with his arm around her waist. Joana opened her mouth to protest then decided against it, she sometimes really hated her lack of will power.</blockquote></blockquote> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:de_milmentiras:12483 2009-03-19T22:27:09Z 2009-03-19T22:28:06Z <b>Alpha - Thirteen - R/NC-17</b><br />(I do not know all the names mentioned within, none of this happened. I made up a LOT of stuff and forgot a fair few stuff for the sake of my own convinience. Richard's results and tennis related stuff mentioned of 2006 and 2008 are true however. )<br /><br /><blockquote>*Joana is on the verge of a new life afraid to that that leap. Leaving the life as she knows it and entering a whole different world, tells herself she will not lose herself in this new world. Then she stumbles into the world that she knows nothing about, but she is intrigued. She intrigues <i>him</i> and she intrigued with <i>him</i>. She dares, she dares to let her mind wonder about a future after one brief encouter with Richard Gasquet - though she knows deep down inside that she is more likely to be one of the many encouters for him. (After all, she is nothing, to him and his world.)<br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br /><blockquote><i>thirteen</i><br /><br />‘No Jo, what the fuck. Take the coat and go.’ She heard the voice in her head and she reached out for the coat and took it from his hands, thanked him again and turned away to return to her room. Trying her hardest to remain on her feet. <br /><br />No such luck.<br /><br />She tumbled to the floor when she was couple of steps away from her door and to her surprise again, Richard rushed to help her back on her feet. “You okay?” he said as he aided her back towards her room and pulling out the key to the room for her. <br /><br />Joana nodded as she heard the door of her room beep open. <br /><br />This was all too familiar indeed. <br /><br />“Thank you, again.” She laughed as she opened the door and stepped in, closing the door after. Leaning against the door to regain her balance and gather her thumping heart. <br /><br />Then there was a knock on her door.<br /><br />She turned and opened the door, she knew who it was and she knew far too well not to have opened it. But she did. As she opened her door, she saw Richard opening his mouth to speak and Joana didn’t want to hear it. <br /><br />This time, she was the one who silenced him. ‘Don’t, fucking don’t push away now’ were the words in her head as she wrapped her arms around his neck, her lips pressed hard against his own. Fortunately he did not, instead he pushed open the door behind them wider. <br /><br />They stumbled into her room, Joana’s arm around his neck, his arms around her waist. The door clicking shut behind them. She pushed him against the back of the door, her hands peeling away his jacket trying her best not to break the kiss. His hand traced down her neck, before he slowly pulled down the zip of her dress, finally breaking the kiss as he pressed his lips on her shoulder as the dress fell to the floor. <br /><br />Joana pulled away from briefly to catch her breath as he pulled the T-shirt over his head before he had her pressed against a wall opposite them. Her hands clung onto his bare back, pulling him closer into her, pressing their bodies closer together as he placed kisses along her neck and shoulder. Whispering incomprehensible words in her ear.<br /><br />Her hands slipped down his back as he lifted her off the floor a little, her legs wrapping around his hips as he did so. Her lips finding his again, capturing his heavy hot breaths. Her fingers getting lost in his hair as she caressed his face. <br /><br />That beautiful unforgettable face. <br /><br />Without breaking they tumbled onto the bed several steps away from where they were. Joana laughed a little as Richard smirked. She pinned him down onto the bed that was clearly too small for the pair of them as she hungrily kissed him once more, his hands slipping down her back and carefully rolling her onto her back. <br /><br />She wanted this. She wanted him. God, it was only then she really realized how much she had ached for this and ached for him. This was she had missed and been pining for the months that had passed.<br /><br />She couldn’t forget the sensation she felt when his lips had touched hers and couldn’t forget when she had tasted his lips for the first time. <br /><br />“Richard…”She trailed off as he shifted on top of her, more words failing to escape as her inner thighs became pressed up against his hips. <br /><br />He caught the soft moans that left her lips as he slowly entered her, her fingernails dug a little on his back as he slowly moved inside of her. Her head rolled back as he gradually moved a little faster every time. Her hips pushing against his, both of them growing breathless by the second. <br /><br />There were no more voices in Joana’s mind, no more questions. There was just this. <br /><br />“More.” She breathed out over his ear as her legs wrapped around his hips, which he responded to immediately. “Oh God…” She managed to say as she could feel her head becoming a light and losing her mind a little as he moved that little bit faster. Hitting that right spot. <br /><br />She lost her words as she climaxed and breathed his name into his lips, his hands roaming all over her bare skin. She rolled him on to his back as she sat on top of him with his hands on her hips, guiding, controlling as she slowly shifted on top of his flawless body. <br /><br />It took several minutes to find the right pace that worked for them both, she leant over to catch her name on his lips as she moved just that little big faster on him. His hands holding onto her a little harder, making him close his eyes and gasp a little. <br /><br />She moaned a little against his ear, his grip on her hips loosened a little and pressed against her sweat lined back as he pulled her closer towards him, his hips thrusting into her as he did so. Unexpectedly hard and deeper than Joana had anticipated, making her gasp. <br /><br />“Fuck…” Joana let out in response as he continued to do so. She looked at him and saw him biting down on the edge of his bottom lip and response she moved faster on top of him though she was beginning to feel her legs give way and they were beginning to burn. <br /><br />It was beginning to ache to move, her head was spinning, she wasn’t sure if it was the intensity of it all or if it was the alcohol. But she continued until she heard that satisfying gasp escape from Richard’s lips. She grinned into a kiss, as he just then held her close to her, turning her on her back again, leaving trails of kisses again her hot sweat lined body. <br /><br />His hands roamed and caressed every inch of her body, his swollen lips pressing against her neck, collar bone and all the way down her body. Which sometimes made her giggle as it tickled her, he then looked at her and just smirked. <br /><br />“Richard…”She breathed out as she pulled him just close to her face, placing her lips on his again.<br /><br />Joana wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him close, her hands getting caught in his curls once more as she just tasted him again. She tasted the alcohol on his lips and breath. The merlot on his tongue, the vodka on his lips and the rum and coke on his breath. She tasted him again just as she had remembered, <br /><br />Just as she had remembered how his lips had felt against her own.<br /><br />“Thank you.” She said as she finally managed to pull herself away from him, as they were both left breathless as he rolled onto his back on the bed next to her. <br /><br />“For what?” He laughed<br /><br />“Thanks for bringing up my coat.” Joana said, laughing. <br /><br />“Arnaud said he’d do it. But good thing I did.” Richard said rolling onto his side, looking at her. <br /><br />“Yeah, good thing you did.” She replied, turning her head to look back at him as he traced his hands down her body before brushing away the stray strands of her hair on her face. She just looked back at him, he was practically glowing. He looked content. Happy, it was the Richard Gasquet as she knew him. <br /><br />The Richard Gasquet she had seen hours earlier was gone and she had made him this happy again. She couldn’t help but to feel a little proud and smiled. <br /><br />“What?” He said, watching her smile at her self. <br /><br />“Nothing, nothing.” She just replied, as he placed an arm around her waist and pulled her against his body once more, pressing kisses on her forehead and shoulder. <br /><br />“You know what?” <br /><br />“What?” she said, burying her head against his body, feeling her eyelids becoming slowly heavy again. <br /><br />“Ah, no never mind.”<br /><br />“No, no. You can’t do that.” Joana said, pulling away from him and staring into his eyes “You can’t say that then go ‘never mind’”<br /><br />Richard hesitated a little, his lips parting to speak but nothing coming out for a while as Joana just stared at him. “You’re breathtaking. You know that?” <br /><br />“In what sense of the word?” She laughed.<br /><br />“In every sense. Everything about you. I haven’t stopped thinking about you since the first time I saw you. You know that?”<br /><br />“Oh now that’s a lie.” Joana said sounding unconvinced. <br /><br />“It’s true. It’s not like I haven’t been with any other girls who were good looking or intelligent but you know, after a week or so, I forget about them. You? I couldn’t I keep thinking about you. You are different.” <br /><br />“Oh Richard, you can stop flattering me, you already got what you came for. Unless you are trying to bargain me for more then…” Joana trailed off laughing a little. Then realized that Richard was not. <br /><br />He was being serious. He couldn’t mean any of it though, surely. He was drunk, he was under the influence, or she was hearing it wrong under the influence of it all. <br /><br />“I don’t want you just for a night. I mean…”<br /><br />“Richard, you’re drunk. I’m drunk. You are clearly not making sense.” She cut him off, she couldn’t let herself listen to more of this and let him say anymore. <br /><br />There would be more scars to come. <br /><br />She didn’t say anything and just relaxed against his body once more in his arms, yawning a little. Listening to his heart beat with her ear pressed against his chest. He opened his mouth to argue and Joana just hushed him and put her lips against his to silence him.<br /><br />Just as she was becoming comfortable in that position, somewhere in her room she heard her phone ring. She shifted to pull away to answer the phone Richard restrained her from doing so. “No, I have to get it.”<br /><br />“It’s so late, who would call you at this time? Don’t get it.”<br /><br />“See, it’s because it’s so late I have to get it. It means it’s that important.” Joana said as she finally broke free from his grip and then looked over her shoulder as her phone continued to ring on the floor somewhere on the other side of room. “Oh, fine. Fine. It can wait. I suppose.” She let out giving into the begging eyes that were looking back at her. <br /><br />“I knew you were smart enough.” He laughed as she slowly fell backwards again onto her bed, rolling back into to warm and safe arms of his. <br /><br />“What happened to Colette, by the way..?” It suddenly occurred to her just as she was beginning to think she could get used to this <br /><br />“Oh I’m sure she left already, it wasn’t anything. I mean the whole thing was a façade, like it always is.” <br /><br />“Yeah but, surely she is wondering-” Richard forced his lips on hers and hushed her though she resisted a little, her hand pushing against his chest slightly, trying to break free and finish her sentence. <br /><br />“Don’t. You don’t need to worry about it. Really.” He said firmly, looking at her as she continue to ramble when he had finally let her speak again. <br /><br />Joana then just let it go and trusted in his words and just let herself fall asleep, no longer forcing her heavy lids to stay awake. She yawned and let her mind wander else were and she almost immediately fell asleep as soon as she had decided to, when she opened her eyes again she heard her phone ringing once again. <br /><br />Yawning she swung her legs over the edge of her bed, laughing slightly at the utter disbelief that Richard and she had managed to share a bed without either of them falling off at some point during the night. Joana grabbed her jumper sitting on the chair near by and pulled it over her head as she walked across the room, following a small trail of clothes back to where she had left her coat. <br /> <br />“Yeah, yeah. Hey.” She said when she finally got the phone out of the pocket and answered it. “What time is it? Oh God! I mean yes, I’ll be ready to go in an hour of course…thanks Neil.” She said, looking at time on her phone again, she had managed somehow to sleep 12 hours. Then saw the missed called displayed on her screen, the call she had ignored the night before. <br /><br /><i>1 missed call <br />Alex</i><br /><br />She stared at it for a bit, swearing a little under her breath only slowly coming into realization of what mess she had just gotten herself into now. She never thought she would be the girl in that situation, be the sort of girl who made such a mess. Joana sat on the floor leaning against the door behind her, her head aching from the alcohol consumption the night before and she looked across at the mess of her room, realizing she had to somehow pack everything into a bag and get ready to leave in an hour. <br /><br />Joana slowly got to her feet, tip toeing around the room and threw herself into a shower before she rushed out to gather the piles of clothes she had created in every corner of the room it seemed over the weekend. Roughly folding it enough to fit into the spaces into the bag she piled it into the bag. <br /><br />“Leaving?” <br /><br />She jumped as she heard the voice from behind her before Joana looked over her shoulder up at the man sitting up on her bed. “Yeah, Neil just called, I have to get ready to go in an hour. Somehow.” She laughed looking about her and the warzone she was sitting in.<br /><br />“Hour is a plenty of time” He smiled as got off the bed, picking up his own clothes up from the floor around her, “I’m sure this helps.” <br /><br />“Oh yeah, that’s like five things from the too many others.” She laughed, “You should not see this side to me, it’s not flattering at all. Leave.” <br /><br />“No, no, I want to stay , I’ll help?” He said, leaning over from behind, leaving a trail of kisses down her neck. <br /><br />“No that doesn’t help.” She said pushing him away, “you are distracting. Just. Sit. Stay.” Joana commanded laughing as she dragged herself around the room, picking up all of the clothes and just throwing it into her bag by the end of it. Just making sure she had gathered everything to begin with. By the time she had tipped the chaos of her room into her bag she barely had time to make herself look presentable again and realized she had just put every piece of clothing she had back into the bag and was forced to then find something to wear on the way home by tipping out its contents again. <br /><br />“Got your phone? Wallet? Key? Suitcase?” Richard mocked as Joana led the way out of the room, Joana looked at him narrowing her eyes. <br /><br />“Yes, I have everything thank you.” <br /><br />“Sure?” Richard said as he slowly closed the door behind him.<br /><br />“No, wait!” Joana stopped him stepped into the room again to have a quick look around, she had packed everything, there was nothing in sight. She was sure. “Okay, I’m good to go now.” <br /><br />Joana picked up her bag and walked towards the elevator, calling two elevators for one going down and one up which made Richard look at her, confused. “Sorry, I just don’t want to run the risk of you, bumping into Neil, together. If you don’t mind.” <br /><br />“Fair enough.” He replied, taking it surprisingly well. “I’ll see you again, soon, I hope?” Richard said, seeing that the elevator heading upwards was coming first.<br /><br />“I’m not sure when I’ll be out of the office again for tennis, but we’ll see. Not too long I hope.” She grinned as he placed a soft kiss on her lips before he stepped onto the elevator. Joana stood there until he disappeared behind the sliding door and just stared at the space in front of her. <br /><br />“Oh Jo, what have you done?” She muttered to herself over and over again. Finally able to think out loud again as soon as the cloud of fantasy had left her mind as soon as he had left her. <br /><br />She couldn’t throw Alex away or this. Not for this. Or could she?</blockquote></blockquote> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:de_milmentiras:12130 2009-03-13T16:48:17Z 2009-03-18T11:12:59Z <b>Alpha - Twelve - R</b><br />(I do not know all the names mentioned within, none of this happened. I made up a LOT of stuff and forgot a fair few stuff for the sake of my own convinience. Richard's results and tennis related stuff mentioned of 2006 and 2008 are true however. )<br /><br /><blockquote>*Joana is on the verge of a new life afraid to that that leap. Leaving the life as she knows it and entering a whole different world, tells herself she will not lose herself in this new world. Then she stumbles into the world that she knows nothing about, but she is intrigued. She intrigues <i>him</i> and she intrigued with <i>him</i>. She dares, she dares to let her mind wonder about a future after one brief encouter with Richard Gasquet - though she knows deep down inside that she is more likely to be one of the many encouters for him. (After all, she is nothing, to him and his world.)<br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br /><blockquote><i>twelve</i><br /><br />“What were you thinking? Were you thinking?” Neil repeated for the umpteenth time it seemed that evening as they stood in the elevator going up to their rooms of the hotel.<br /><br />“I’m sorry, I ‘m sorry. I got the message Neil the first time you said it.” Joana grumbled back, she knew it was a bad idea but she also knew she couldn’t avoid the confrontation with him forever. Sooner the better she thought. It wasn’t even her who had to make the awkward first gesture to force a gathering again and force a situation to be face to face again. <br /><br />The opportunity presented itself and she wasn’t going to say no. <br /><br />“What happened to work and just work? You know you are the only one who is going to leave with scars again here.” <br /><br />“It’s really nice to know that you are sensitive enough to care about my scars and all that, but it’s okay. I mean, it had to happen sometime – right?” She replied waving him off. <br /><br />“And then to invite Michaela to this awkward gathering? I mean really.” <br /><br />“Oh it would have been rude not to invite her when she clearly saw the fact that we were meeting up with them when she had been so kind to us. It’ll be nothing. It’ll be some food and a bit of drinks. Like we would have done by ourselves anyway.” Joana assured Neil but most importantly she said them to assure herself. <br /><br />“Eugh. Well call me or something when you know what’s happening and I’ll let Michaela know.” Neil said walking down the corridor away from her towards his own room. <br /><br />She watched him disappeared through his doorway before she turned towards her left and into her own room. Joana dropped her bags by the doorway before she rushed to close the open window she had left as she rushed out earlier in the day. She had done this for the fourth time now on her travels of leaving the windows open. It was a miracle to her how she hadn’t lost or damaged anything yet. <br /><br />Joana peered outside into the city that was slowly becoming completely pitch-black and lit up by lines of lights of the different colours. She let out a long sigh just watching the life outside and beyond her room, there was more to life and it was going to be okay. She hadn’t worried so much about the whole thing until Neil started worrying for her. She didn’t want to worry, she just wanted to start a fresh new page and forget about everything that happened before it. <br /><br />Now she had to think about it. From what she had seen from Arnaud’s reaction when she had met him, she could see that Richard clearly hadn’t shared with any of his friends about what happened in Halle. Arnaud also wouldn’t have suggested such an outrageous idea if he knew, which was a relief to know as the rest of the team probably wouldn’t be as awkward during the whole evening. <br /><br />The only people who could make the evening awkward were Richard, Neil and she. Richard seemed to be far too busy with Colette to even notice anything else so that wasn’t going to be a problem. As long as she and Neil were able to ignore the fact that there is something wrong it was going to be an enjoyable night. Just like Halle had been before what shouldn’t have happened; happened. <br /><br />Joana had been staring blankly at the TV for a good half an hour or so before she heard her phone ringing. Lazily she reached over to the other side of her bed for the phone before answering it. <br /><br />“I invited a friend along if you don’t mind. She was there the whole time we were talking about it so I felt sort of bad not to…” She said as soon as Richard was done telling her all the details of the restaurant. <br /><br />“Not a problem at all.” He replied casually, “I’ll see you later then.” <br /><br />Joana stared at her phone for a while; she couldn’t understand how he could be so cool and casual even if he had forgotten all about her. She had no time to waste however as she had to relay the information onto Neil and Michaela and made sure that they had some sort of an arrangement to get there together. She called Neil to just pass on the information and ignored Neil’s grunting in between his words and hung up before she almost tipped out half of the contents of her luggage onto her bed. <br /><br />She was now glad that she had over packed. She didn’t feel as panicked this time round to put together a presentable outfit for the evening. Joana rushed into her bathroom to make the most of the minimal make up that she had packed, she had intended as Neil kept reminding her to just work the entire weekend. She hadn’t travelled with the usual amount of make as she normally would do on such an occasion. <br /><br />“Okay, the not tried too hard but still looking good, thing. If that is at all possible.” She sighed into the bathroom mirror, as she pulled out her eyeliner from her make up bag. <br /><br />After repeating the process of putting on and removing make up several times, thinking it was a bit too much, she finally was able to leave the make up alone and rush out of the bathroom realizing how little time she had then left herself. She quickly shed herself out of the clothes she had been in all day to work and stepped into the dress she had pulled out of her suitcase. Flattening out the few creases of her dress she headed towards the bathroom again and after a brief consideration decided to just leave her hair as it was; there was no point in using all of her energy in it.<br /><br />No matter what she did anyway, there was no way she was going to look better than steal the glances away from Colette. <br /><br />“I’m not in competition with this girl…why am I keep comparing?” She said to her own reflection in the mirror and set down her hairbrush. <br /><br />She jumped when she heard the two firm knocks on her door and she knew that knock only meant one person. “Hang on!” She called in the direction of the door as she went to open it to find Neil who just looked surprised at first glance at Joana. “Don’t look at me like that, let me just grab my coat.” <br /><br />“Just casual gathering really, not trying to impress anyone at all.” Neil muttered leaning against the doorframe. <br /><br />Joana rolled her eyes and pulled on her coat, wallet in one hand, the room key and her phone in the pockets of her coat. She looked around at the mini chaos she had created whilst getting ready and headed for the door. Neil kept on glancing over at her and Joana continued to ignore his comments whilst they were stuck in the elevator together. When they were at the lobby they were greeted with Michaela who had already had a cab waiting outside for them. <br /><br />“Trying to impress someone tonight?” Michaela joked as soon as the detail of their destination was given to their driver. <br /><br />“What? No, no. God no.” Joana laughed<br /><br />“Really? So there is really nothing going on between you and any of the French? I mean how are you so close?” <br /><br />“Yes really. We aren’t that close. It just happens we just had a good time out together last time so yes.” Joana said shaking her head. <br /><br />The rest of the car ride consisted of Neil and Michaela muttering things amongst them, she figured Neil was filling her in the minor details of how the relationship of the French team and they developed and nothing more she hoped. After arguing about who would pay for the cab fare the three of them wandered out onto the streets and about for a moment, looking for the restaurant, until Michaela pointed at the sign straight ahead of them on the road. <br /><br />“Joana!” They greeted excitedly by Arnaud when they had stepped inside the very crowded restaurant on a Sunday night. <br /><br />“Hey.” She said sheepishly as she found herself the seat next to him and at the other end of the table from Richard and Colette. “This is Michaela she works on the Davis Cup stuff, I’m sure you’ve seen her around and Michaela…well this is everyone I’m sure you know.” Joana said looking over at the older woman sitting opposite her. <br /><br />“So how did you two meet? How long have you been seeing each other?”<br /><br />Joana heard the words from Neil’s mouth with his eyes fixed on Richard and Colette at the other end of the table and she turned to him in horror. Neil shrugged as if it was a perfectly innocent question to ask as Joana just buried her face in her hands. She didn’t quite hear the words from Richard’s mouth about how he and the model met; she wasn’t sure if she had not to hear it or if it was because she was still in shock of the horror of the fact that Neil had been so blatant in asking the question. The night went the same way of Neil throwing in the blunt questions here and there to kill off the conversation topics; he couldn’t have made it any more obvious that he didn’t want to be there. As for Joana she had hardly paid any attention to Richard at all the entire night. She wasn’t bothered at all by his presence to her surprise; she was only bothered by it when Neil threw in the questions at Richard. Which also then led to her emptying her glass very quickly every time. <br /><br />“We should go for a round of drinks, yes?” Arnaud said as the eight of them walked out of the restaurant after a mildly trouble-free occasion. <br /><br />“Yes, why not?” Michaela chimed in, evidently showing that she was also enjoying the whole occasion despite the moments of awkwardness that did crop up.<br /><br />“Where can we go though?” Arnaud said, looking about them. <br /><br />“You know, we are all at the same hotel, we might as well end the night at the hotel bar?” Joana suggested, who could already feed Neil’s eyes on her, not impressed with the whole idea. <br /><br />“We are?” <br /><br />“I’ve seen you guys in the lobby several times, apparently you haven’t seen me? Yes, we are.” Joana laughed. “We’ll meet you back there then yeah?”<br /><br />Arnaud nodded happy with the arranged and looked over at Michael, Richard and Colette who all nodded in agreement also. Joana smiled and turned away, arm in arm with Michaela as they climbed into a taxi that Neil had already hollered onto the side of the curb.<br /><br />“Just so you know, I’m not joining you.” <br /><br />“I figured as much.” Joana said “Neil, it’s nothing. He’s forgotten about it and I’ve let it go. I know you want to look out for me. I know but I’m fine.” She whispered back to Neil, making sure Michaela wasn’t getting too curious about what they were talking about. <br /><br />“Just make sure you are able to get up tomorrow morning in time to catch the flight then.” <br /><br />Joana smiled to assure him that everything was going to be okay and bid him good night when they arrived back at the hotel as her and Michaela headed for the bar, looking around to see if the others had arrived before them, not spotting them she chose to find a table for themselves near the back. She sat down, shrugging off her coat as Michaela left her on her own to go to the bathroom.<br /><br />Joana waved her hand in the air when she saw Arnaud and Richard walk in through the entrance. Not seeing Colette initially she couldn’t help but to feel a little excited but then the feeling quickly disappeared when she appeared, immediately attaching herself on Richard’s arm once more. <br /><br />“I can’t believe that we were at the same hotel the entire time and we had not bumped into each other once.” Arnaud said in disbelief as he took his seat opposite Joana. <br /><br />“Hard to believe isn’t it?” Joana laughed as Michaela returned; signalling for the waiter to take their order realizing that the whole party had now arrived. <br /><br />“Where’s Michael?” Joana said, only noticing after she had emptied her first glass. <br /><br />“He said he wanted to get some rest actually, so yeah he’s gone up.” <br /><br />“Ah.” Joana said sliding her glass across the table, her eyes on Richard who also seemed to be emptying glasses at an alarming speed that night. <br /><br />She couldn’t help but to remember the distress on his face and the distress in his voice during the press conference earlier. It probably wasn’t easy on him at all. She got to her feet and wandered over towards the main bar, returning with shot glasses and a tall clear bottle on a tray. <br /><br />“Oh Jo.” Michaela laughed as she just watched Joana set down the tray in front of them on the table. <br /><br />“I just thought lot of us had sorrows to drown away.” She laughed as she grabbed one and slid one across to Richard. <br /><br />Richard smiled weakly and took the small glass between his fingertips as Joana raised her own glass at him before they simultaneously emptied the glass. She looked at the three others at the table who were just looking at the shot glasses. “There is always more. Don’t be scared by it.” With those words everyone had grabbed one. “Screw Russia.” She said laughing as she raised the glass.<br /><br />“There’s always next year for revenge.” Richard laughed before he tipped the glass into his mouth.<br /><br />The rate of empty glasses on the table appearing on the table increased with time and Joana was beginning to feel the effects of it and looked across at Richard who was also starting to feel the effects of it. <br /><br />“Joana, I think I am going to go, as much fun as this was. I have an early flight out tomorrow. I don’t think I will be getting up at this rate.” Michaela said getting to her feet.<br /><br />“Oh no, no, don’t go. One more?” Joana said which Michaela responded by just shaking her head. “Okay, well. We shall see each other again at some point? The semi finals maybe?” <br /><br />“Yes, I’ll see you then perhaps! Thanks for letting me join in the fun.” <br /><br />“Okay, then maybe I should go up too now actually.” Joana said, “You all enjoy rest of the night, I also must head to bed. Thanks for everything tonight.” She continued, waving as she followed Michaela out of the bar. She stood outside with her for a while until Michaela was in a taxi and was driven out of her sight. <br /><br />Feeling slightly disorientated Joana walked across the lobby towards the elevator, pressing the call button she leant against the cool wall as her eyes slowly slid shut. <br /><br />She stood in the elevator and stared hard at the numbers in front of her trying to remember which floor she was on carefully before she pressed one. With one hand on the wall she walked down the hallway towards her own room and stood outside her door, only realizing then that she had left her coat downstairs in the bar with her phone and key in it. <br /><br />“Shit. Shit.” She muttered as she slowly turned on her heels and walked down the hallway again towards the elevator. Stopping once again to regain her balance. She couldn’t remember the last time she had drunk so much to lose control herself to this extent. She never got this drunk easily.<br /><br />She got the elevator after what seemed like an eternity of walking down the hallway and call button to see that one had just stopped on her floor as she pressed the button. As the door opened, she had to do a double take, not believing what she saw in front of her. <br /><br />Richard Gasquet with her coat in his hands.<br /><br />“You left your coat…” He trailed off.<br /><br />“Erm, yeah. I was just going down to get it. Thanks.” She said just staring.<br /><br />None of them really moved, this scene - this situation was far too familiar. The door then threatened to shut and Joana quickly hit the call button to open the door and Richard just silently stepped out of it.</blockquote></blockquote> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:de_milmentiras:11841 2009-03-13T16:43:21Z 2009-03-18T11:12:38Z <b>Alpha - Eleven - PG-13</b><br />(I do not know all the names mentioned within, none of this happened. I made up a LOT of stuff and forgot a fair few stuff for the sake of my own convinience. Richard's results and tennis related stuff mentioned of 2006 and 2008 are true however. )<br /><br /><blockquote>*Joana is on the verge of a new life afraid to that that leap. Leaving the life as she knows it and entering a whole different world, tells herself she will not lose herself in this new world. Then she stumbles into the world that she knows nothing about, but she is intrigued. She intrigues <i>him</i> and she intrigued with <i>him</i>. She dares, she dares to let her mind wonder about a future after one brief encouter with Richard Gasquet - though she knows deep down inside that she is more likely to be one of the many encouters for him. (After all, she is nothing, to him and his world.)<br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br /><blockquote><i>eleven</i><br /><br />The three days that followed in Pau the nameless flawless blonde was present in the stands. She wasn’t anywhere near the French team but close enough the team and the action. Meaning that the girl Joana would really prefer not to see was always near her as Joana’s place of work for all the matches was somewhere between the nearest fans and the teams. <br /><br />The two matches that Richard had lost in five sets Joana had watched the face of the girl. She seemed to be not really engaging wit the sport at all or was very good at hiding her emotions during the rollercoaster matches against Marat Safin and Dmitry Tursunov. Especially in the latter match, which meant that France had lost the tie, lost the quarter final and were now out of the Davis Cup, <br /><br />The blonde girl however seemed to be recognized by several people in the crowds and some of the French photographers on the scene. Perhaps she wasn’t a nobody and not a nameless girl after all. She was a somebody in the French media so the clues showed to Joana. Another box ticked against the nameless girl, box that Joana would never be able to tick.<br /><br />Joana couldn’t quite figure out if Neil was just trying to distract her from the drama but she had been able to hold the camera every day of the weekend’s matches. He even praised her ability. Especially on the last day during Russia’s celebrations. <br /><br />“I know you are just saying that” she said, protesting against the praises that were being thrown in her way. <br /><br />“Joana I do not joke when it comes to work. You really have a talent. I noticed that in Halle. I thought it was a fluke, apparently not.” He continued as he spun the dial on the back of camera, reviewing all the photos that she had taken then he looked at Joana again, she was rolling her eyes at him. “No seriously. You lack several technicalities still but your compositions are almost perfection. You just need 8 more months to fine tune. You were in fact born to do this.” <br /><br />“Well I will accept that comment as it seems to suggest to me I will get more time to play with your very expensive toy.” <br /><br />“Trust me. You are going to be brilliant. I might have to fight some people wanting to come scoop you up before I make you work for me! I’ve seen some hopeless apprentices through the years. Some that tried too hard. Some that just had no idea how to make a moment fit in the boundary of 4 lines. But you do. I gave you advice, once, when I handed my camera to you for the first time in Melbourne. You produce something much better than those I have told the same thing ten times, never mind any other advice.” Neil continued to praise as they sat on the floor of the now very empty stadium after the final dead rubber, which France also lost. <br /><br />With everything personal with Richard aside, she couldn’t help but to feel very disappointed at the final result, a result that in no way reflected the fight, the battle that had taken place in Pau. 4-1. 4-1 to Russia was too harsh she felt. (Especially in the case for Richard who had fought the hardest battles of them all.) <br /><br />It was then Joana realized that the sport of tennis had slowly begun to win her over and just laughed a little. She would have never imagined herself to be chanting along with the crowds watching a sport. Now she ached inside for the defeat of the French team. <br /><br />She carefully paced Neil’s camera back into the bag before zipping it up. There. Job done. She was now able to run away from the scene again. Get Richard Gasquet out of her sight and return to her normal dull day-to-day life back in London. <br /><br />Or not. She had thought too far ahead. <br /><br />“Neil?” A voice called after them as they attempted to leave the stadium, Neil turned round to greeted a person who was unfamiliar to Joana. She stood several steps away from them and just watched. <br /><br />By the end of the conversation the pair of them were being ushered into the press room.<br /><br />Apparently the Universe had other plans and she had to see Richard Gasquet one more time. A broken, defeated Richard Gasquet amongst rest of the French team. She stood near the back of the room, her eyes up at the ceiling. “Seriously, are you playing games with me? You expect me to now want to continue to harbour dislike for this man when he’s looking like that? You expect me to leave here and forget that?” <br /><br />Neil looked at her and raised an eyebrow watching her talk to herself. “Just having a word with the Almighty up there.” She said. <br /><br />“Oh, that makes lot more sense now.” Neil laughed as quietly as he could manage. “I’m so sorry Michaela would not let me leave without seeing this.”<br /><br />“It’s alright. It’s alright” She said, as if repeating it would make her really believe what she was saying. <br /><br />She couldn’t help but to feel bad for him. In the short time she had known him she had never seen him so downbeat. Looking so defeated. The idea of having to do a press conference following such a match just seemed absurd to her brain. He laughed at some of the questions, some of the comments being thrown about the room. He laughed but not like she had heard him laugh. He smiled but now smiled like she knew he smiled. It just wasn’t the Richard Gasquet she knew. <br /><br />Not that she ever really knew him. She couldn’t claim to know him. <br /><br />Just when she thought it was coming to a close, it wasn’t. There was much more to come, they had just decided to carry it out in English first. Then it was another 20 minutes of French. It made little sense to Joana but somehow his face looked gloomier, as if another dark cloud was looming over him. <br /><br />She could only guess that the nature of the French questions was those he did not enjoy answering. <br /><br />His answers were shorter, blunter than before. He even raised his voice a little at one of the journalists that he then got in a heated discussion with. Where they just kept interrupting each other mid-sentence to the point where Richard was frustrated and just threw his hands in the air. <br /><br />As if to say, ‘Think what you want write what you want’ <br /><br />Though initially at first she found the idea being forced to watch his press conference enraging and the idea of having to stand and watch another half an hour of it in a language she didn’t understand just frustrating; she was beginning to enjoy it. <br /><br />During the press conference in French he showed a lot more emotion and she was able to read it more. As she couldn’t hear the words she was relying on the other forms of communication to understand his answers. It really enabled her to see his real emotions in a way. Real emotions he couldn’t quite portray through the use of a foreign tongue to him. <br /><br />Though he was speaking in French, his words seemed to speak louder to her and Joana couldn’t help but want to just be there for him through this storm. Another storm as the media came down on him hard as if he reflecting on his own mistakes weren’t hard enough. <br /><br />It was scary then how quickly the place emptied out as soon as it was over and Richard by the end of it was walking out with a huff. She remembered him mentioning to her in Halle how he hated press conferences and she guessed one after losses like this wasn’t much of a fun experience for him. <br /><br />“Sorry, sorry. I did not understand a word of the last half an hour. That was a waste.” Neil muttered. “Oh, Michaela this is Joana my apprentice in training and this is Michaela, we’ve always crossed paths for the past three years. Works with the Davis Cup events.” He said as they were out of the media room, only just introducing them one hour too late. <br /><br />“That was some heated last ten minutes in there. I almost thought Gasquet would throw something at the end of that…” Michaela said pulling a face. <br /><br />“The drama of the press room.” Neil laughed. “We shall be off then?” He said looking over at Joana. <br /><br />“Oh no. Neil we have lot more catching up to do. Come, come. We are going to sit down somewhere and talk.” Michaela said looking at the pair of them with a stern stare, her arms folded across her chest. <br /><br />“Oh alright then.” He said after checking with Joana who had just given him a nod. <br /><br />Michaela took them through several areas they had not passed at all in the entire weekend and came to a lounge area which was already occupied by several media people already and the nameless blonde. <br /><br />Joana looked up to the ceiling again, cursing a little under her breath.<br /><br />“Sit, sit.” The older woman insisted physically forcing them to sit around a table near the sofa where the nameless blonde was sitting at surrounded by couple of people. “Want anything to drink?” Michaela said looking at Joana.<br /><br />“Erm, anything cold will do right now I think.” She said, looking at the girl in the corner of her eye. <br /><br />“Okay then.” Michaela said and wandered off towards the bar area behind them. <br /><br />“Isn’t she…?” Neil said as soon as Michaela left their table, subtly pointing across to the girl Joana was already watching and Joana just nodded. “I’m guessing then the players will be back here too at some point then.”<br /><br />Joana looked up at the ceiling once more. <br /><br />“Iced tea for you then and for the never changing Neil, your cappuccino.” Michaela said as she set down a tray in front of them sliding across a tall cool glass towards Joana before she sat in the seat next to Neil. <br /><br />Joana took a large sip out of the glass and just sat back in her chair and watched the two people in front of her engage in a conversation again. Another conversation she couldn’t really join in or be part of. So she just watched once more. Once and again they’d stop going down on a trip down memory lane and discussing about the people that they both know and looked at Joana and briefly mentioned a topic she could join in on. <br /><br />She let her mind wander and go else where while they were highly engaged on a topic. Planning what to do when she got back to the hotel and what she would do when she got back home. Wondering if she should buy anything in the airport for Alex and her mum on the way back. <br /><br />“Joana?” She blinked hard and came back from her daze as she heard her name. “It is you!” Joana looked in the direction of the voice to see Arnaud standing next to her and she immediately got her feet to greet him.<br /><br />“Hey, I’m so sorry about the loss.” She said and Arnaud just shrugged it off he had heard it too many times already. <br /><br />“It’s alright. Have you been here all weekend?” <br /><br />“Yeah, everyday of course.” <br /><br />“Why haven’t I seen you?”<br /><br />“Hello?” Joana heard Neil behind her, who was getting to his feet. <br /><br />Arnaud only then noticed him and exchanged few greetings with Neil also. <br /><br />“I’ve just been on the court and not been doing much else this weekend. All work and no play as they say.” Joana laughed. <br /><br />“Arnaud, ou est rich?” the blonde girl called from the her seat <br /><br />“Je sais pas, il est dans une mauvaise humeur.” Arnaud replied turning around quickly to answer her. “Il sera ici bientôt.” <br /><br />The girl muttered something inaudible to Arnaud before bursting into laughter.<br /><br />“De cela, je suis sûr.” Arnaud continued, also laughing as he finished his sentence Richard took cautious steps into the room. “Ah là il est!” <br /><br />“Je suis désolé” Richard said, greeting the blonde girl and Arnaud, only to then notice the girl standing on the other side of Arnaud. “Ah, Joana.”<br /><br />“Hey.” She managed to stumble out; she had forgotten how much she liked her name in his voice, in his accent. Then she just watched as the blonde girl pressed up against Richard’s arm and spoke quietly amongst them for a while which ended with Richard laughing a little. <br /><br />“This is my friend Colette, she’s erm. A model” Richard said and Joana just laughed. Of course she was. “Joana, she works for one of the photo agencies.” He continued, turning back to the blonde on his left arm. <br /><br />“We should all get together later, again, maybe?” Arnaud suggested as Joana looked over her shoulder at Neil who just shrugged and for a clue she looked back at Richard. Who wasn’t helpful.<br /><br />There wasn’t anything there to suggest that he would find the occasion any awkward or uncomfortable at all. <br /><br />“Yeah sure. Why not. We should go out for couple of drinks. Most definitely!” Joana was forced into agreeing. As she spoke her words her eyes were firmly fixed on Colette and Richard, who was busy translating the situation into French for her. <br /><br />“We need to get going but I will make sure we arrange something and let you know.” Richard said and without waiting for a response he was already walking away as Joana nodded. <br /><br />“I’ll see you later then Joana.” Arnaud smiled and quickly followed after the happy couple. <br /><br />Joana then returned to her seat with Neil and Michaela and took a large swig of the now more diluted iced tea as the ice had melted. When she set down the glass, Neil’s eyes were on her. Joana just shrugged and his eyes just kept looking at her worried. <br /><br />“You two are friends with the French?” Michaela laughed who looked bemused at the whole situation.<br /><br />“Not really friends. We covered their first round match and we all hung out together one time so yeah…they aren’t that bad.” Neil said. <br /><br />“Michaela you should come too.” Said Joana “I owe you are drink don’t I?” she grinned emptying the remaining tea in her glass. <br /><br />Michaela looked at her thoughtfully for a moment then nodded. “I guess it’s not a bad idea.” <br /><br />“They are really lovely people. I can assure you.” Joana laughed. <br /><br />Then it struck her. The fact that Richard said that he’d call her. He still had her phone number. After all of that, he still had her phone number too.</blockquote></blockquote> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:de_milmentiras:11585 2009-03-13T16:35:23Z 2009-03-19T22:35:34Z <b>Alpha - Ten - PG-13</b><br />(I do not know all the names mentioned within, none of this happened. I made up a LOT of stuff and forgot a fair few stuff for the sake of my own convinience. Richard's results and tennis related stuff mentioned of 2006 and 2008 are true however. )<br /><br /><blockquote>*Joana is on the verge of a new life afraid to that that leap. Leaving the life as she knows it and entering a whole different world, tells herself she will not lose herself in this new world. Then she stumbles into the world that she knows nothing about, but she is intrigued. She intrigues <i>him</i> and she intrigued with <i>him</i>. She dares, she dares to let her mind wonder about a future after one brief encouter with Richard Gasquet - though she knows deep down inside that she is more likely to be one of the many encouters for him. (After all, she is nothing, to him and his world.)<br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br /><blockquote><i>ten</i> (April 2006)<br /><br />“Jo, I don’t care what happened or what didn’t happen in Halle. You are coming. I need you.” <br /><br />Joana let out a groan as she spun on her chair to make sure Neil had seen the displeased expression on her face to give him further evidence to why exactly she wasn’t going to be dragged out of London for the next four days. <br /><br />“Don’t give me that look, I unfortunately am in charge of you. You are going to do as I say. You are coming to France with me.”<br /><br />“Why? Why me? Take Helen or Catherine. Neil…” Joana moaned on, she felt as if the conversation was going nowhere and felt like she had been saying the same words for the past ten minutes. <br /><br />“They are busy doing other stuff and I don’t want to take someone new now to something so big and major. You know how I work, you understand me and I don’t have to re-sync with someone else. You are coming with me and that is final.”<br /><br />“You do realize I’m going to be a pain and huffing all the time at you.” <br /><br />“Look, we are just going over there to work. So just work. Don’t think about anything else and don’t get distracted by anything else okay?” Neil said firmly with his hands on his hips. <br /><br />He stared at Joana for a while until she finally caved and nodded with a groan. Pleased Neil walked away grinning at his mini triumph over her. Before she could even get a chance to think about changing her mind or coming up with a different excuse, she had a new email that popped up on her inbox in front of her, confirming all the bookings made already. She let out a long sigh and laid her head down on her desk. <br /><br />“Just work, it’s just going to be work. I don’t need to see or care about anything else…right?” she muttered to herself as she slowly lifted herself off of the desk again before she turned her head towards Neil’s desk who was looking back at her with giving her a thumbs up. <br /><br />Joana gave in response a half hearted smile and pushed away from the desk in order to try to find something to keep her busy enough to keep her mind off the whole situation and the fact that she had to face Richard again in couple of days. <br /><br />Joana became increasingly more nervous with the hours and the days that went by, she had to motivate herself over and over again to pack. She found herself repeatedly sitting at the bottom of her bed, with a near empty bag in front of her with clothes just in her hands. ‘Work, work, this is not work that gets given to everyone. Stop being an idiot you are going.’ She shouted at herself several times over and over again in her head over two nights until she was finally able to fill up the bag and zip it up. <br /><br />The night before she wasn’t able to sleep, she wasn’t even able to see Alex the night before she left. She tossed and turned the entire night, staring up at the ceiling and bolting up from her bed every time she heard the staircase or the landing creak, hoping that Alex had a change of plans and he was coming home earlier than he thought. But there was no such luck. <br /><br />She climbed out of the bed couple of hours too early and checked the weather in France several times, as if she needed an excuse to start packing all over again, if not unpack completely. She checked over and over again in case something had happened over night and Richard wouldn’t be on the French team, but he was. There was no way for her to avoid the situation and she had to confront it face on. <br /><br />The journey from London to Pau for Joana of clutching onto some sort of caffeine based drink in her hand. She hadn’t slept because of the nerves through the night but the nerves weren’t keeping her awake enough during the journey and she was sure not for the entire day. <br /><br />“Pau, Pau, it doesn’t even sound like a real city, why play it in such a random place instead of, I don’t know Paris?” Joana muttered emptying what seemed like the fourth cup of coffee in her hand as her and Neil paced through the bustling hotel lobby. <br /><br />“It’s not really that random, they usually try to play it all around the country you know. So it’s sort of fair for the nation, it is an international occasion after all.” He responded looking all about him, the hotel was bustling with people in all directions. “I think this may possibly be the official hotel for one of the teams then.” <br /><br />Joana looked across at Neil in horror that was the last thing she needed. To be sharing a hotel with one of the teams, it was a fifty percent chance that it might be the French and she was going to have to consider the possibility of bumping into Richard everyday in the mornings or evenings from that point forwards. Neil put a hand on her shoulder and just nodded slowly at her as if he understood what had just run through her mind. “It’ll be alright. It’s not like they usually notice us anyway. Especially if there is bad air it’s just better to ignore it and get on with the job okay?” <br /><br />She nodded in response; every word of what he said was right after all. Even if Neil had no idea what happened that night everything he was saying was making sense to her. She had no idea why she was still so worried about it. Why she was still so bothered by it all. It was most likely to be nothing even if they did bump into each other again, they would probably never exchange words again for so many years to come until they both forgot about it. <br /><br />They hardly had time to breathe before they had to leave the hotel again. They had just enough time to leave their luggage in their room. By the time Joana and Neil were down in the lobby, the bustling people were nowhere to be seen.<br /><br />“I guess we just missed the team” Neil breathed out as he cautiously looked across at Joana as he couldn’t decipher if this was a good thing or a bad thing. <br /><br />“I guess we did. We’ll see plenty of them for the next four days so it’s alright.” Joana responded much to Neil’s surprise. Seeing the initial look of shock on his face at her response, she laughed. “I’m sorry I quickly had a change in mentality? You were right really, why should I be bothered by it all. We are here to work. Only to work.”<br /><br />“Then let’s go get to work then the draw is in – well planned to be in half an hour.” Neil ushered her out of the hotel until they were again in another taxi on their way to another stadium in another country. <br /><br />Another set of security checks and another new identification pass. <br /><br />“Jesus you can really tell this is a big one.” Neil said as they entered a large room where it was packed with the media. Packed with people sitting behind laptops ready for the teams to appear. Packed with people standing around the wall, trying to edge closer to the where the teams would be standing as the draw took place. “Jo.” Neil said firmly with an open palm.<br /><br />The same old ritual and signal she had been trained to understand in the past four months. She no longer thought about it. Before she knew it she had set the down bag on her shoulder onto the floor, handing Neil his camera and its parts. Neil didn’t’ say anymore either.<br /><br />The fine tuned team perfection perhaps. <br /><br />As the final parts were clicked into place Neil chuckled a little and looked across at Joana. “What I meant in London? Perfection.”<br /><br />Then there was sudden chaos as the Neil came to the end of his sentence as the Russian team appeared, the shutting around them going off. Like a natural instinct he had been born with, Neil quickly reacted to it also as the Russian team were presented to the awaiting crowd, closely followed by the host nation. <br /><br />As the draw led to an hour long press conference Joana slowly became aware of Richard’s presence. He hadn’t even glanced in her direction or at least when she was looking in that direction anyway. Questions then slowly came rushing back to her mind. Did he even really see her in the back of the madness or was he just too busy being on the end of most of the questions, doing his job. Far too busy to care about who was really in front of him? Was he just ignoring her just as he had chosen to do back Halle?<br /><br />“Oh for fuck sake Joana King. Focus please.” She muttered to herself and leant against the wall next to her as Neil’s clicking shutter hovered over her right ear. The shutter going off once in a while brought her back to reality and stopping her from drifting too far away from it. <br /><br />The media frenzy was then all over quickly before she knew it they were both sitting in a very empty stadium watching the Russian team train. It seemed like so much calm in the stadium until the Russian team left and the French team were on court, Joana had to a double take around her to check she wasn’t seeing things at the sudden increase of numbers in the stadium. Neil had set them up quite a way away from the court, near enough and far enough not to be noticed amongst the chaos. Joana had no idea if this had been intentional but she was silently thankful for that. <br /><br />“Want to grab dinner on the way back?” Neil said as they wandered out of the chaos.<br /> <br />“Our hotel is good enough to abuse the room service, surely.” Joana grinned in response. “I will gladly volunteer my room to be the victim of our laze tonight.” <br /><br />“Your lack of organization scares me a little but sounds good.” Neil said while Joana shot him a look before eyeing carefully a cab sitting with a wound down window standing near the entrance of the venue. <br /><br />Joana found herself approaching the man in the driver’s seat, exchanging carefully with the limited French vocabulary in her head. Joana looked around as the driver confirmed his identity and her own to call Neil over. Who was looking at her in horror.<br /><br />“I’m sorry – what?” He said looking a little uneasy getting into the car “What-?” <br /><br />“I booked a cab to pick us up because I didn’t want to stand and wait for a taxi with all the stuff?” she said setting the bag down into the seat between her and Neil. <br /><br />“No, no, not that.” He continued as Joana looked at him blankly. “The French. Since when?”<br /><br />“Oh I had spare time?” Joana laughed. <br /><br />Free time. The free time that her mind went wandering to places she shouldn’t let them go to. Somehow she had to busy herself to keep herself from having questions about the briefest encounters with a certain Frenchman. Somehow spending that time teaching herself French settled her mind. (She also couldn’t deny that she was doing it in the hope or perhaps one day should she ever bump into him again, she would be able to converse with him and understand him. Understand his nation. His language.) <br /><br />“I’ll come knocking in a sec, I am just going to dump my stuff I my room first.” Neil said as they had got back to the hotel. Joana just nodded and looked around to catch in the corner of her eye a familiar looking group of people standing in the lobby. “So it’s the French I’m sharing the hotel with then…” she muttered as she walked past them. Then saw something she really hoped that she had not. <br /><br />His hand in another girl’s hand. Her arm around his as he stood there talking to Arnaud. Looking round to the girl once and again, laughing as the girl whispered something in his ear. <br /><br />The girl wasn’t even worth comparing herself against. From where she stood, pretty damn perfect and ticked way many more boxes in the list of criteria necessary to be standing next to him. The sort of girl he was probably so much used to having on his arm. <br /><br />She knew it of course, she knew that he would have forgotten all about herself. Forgotten about what happened or what didn’t happen in Halle. She knew he would have replaced her with another blonde by now. But she didn’t want to see it. She didn’t need to see it. Right there, in front of her. <br /><br />She had stopped walking to just stare at the sight in front of her. To the point she was starting to think if they noticed that they were being watched. <br /><br />“Jo, come on.” Neil said walking into her line of sight, peeling her away from the spot she had been standing in and towards the other side of the lobby. “I thought we’d won that mental battle.”<br /><br />“So did I. So did I.” She muttered to herself. <br /><br />Why the she felt so betrayed she could not understand. <br /><br />Halle was nothing. They were nothing – even if there was ever a period of time they could be considered a collective noun. <br /><br />He meant nothing – no he couldn’t mean anything to her. <br /><br />And she was nothing to him to begin with. <br /><br />Why did it hurt so much?</blockquote></blockquote> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:de_milmentiras:11441 2009-02-18T23:00:39Z 2009-02-18T23:00:39Z Robert Pattinson - Never Think | Powered by Last.fm <b>Alpha - Nine - PG-13</b><br />(I do not know all the names mentioned within, none of this happened. I made up a LOT of stuff and forgot a fair few stuff for the sake of my own convinience. Richard's results and tennis related stuff mentioned of 2006 and 2008 are true however. )<br /><br /><blockquote>*Joana is on the verge of a new life afraid to that that leap. Leaving the life as she knows it and entering a whole different world, tells herself she will not lose herself in this new world. Then she stumbles into the world that she knows nothing about, but she is intrigued. She intrigues <i>him</i> and she intrigued with <i>him</i>. She dares, she dares to let her mind wonder about a future after one brief encouter with Richard Gasquet - though she knows deep down inside that she is more likely to be one of the many encouters for him. (After all, she is nothing, to him and his world.)<br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br /><blockquote><i>nine</i><br /><br />“What, what happened? What happened from the happiest giggliest things in the entire stadium not even exchanging more than ten words in the past two days?” Helen said as they were boarding the flight back to London. <br /><br />Joana felt as if she couldn’t leave Halle fast enough, forget about it all. She felt like she was ready to forget about it all until she kept seeing Richard then she couldn’t avoid it. She tried to explain, to apologize and to tell him that she hadn’t planned for any of this at all. That she couldn’t possibly have seen this coming and had warned him before. <br /><br />That even with people she is completely comfortable around, that she doesn’t talk about her boyfriend. That it wasn’t that she wasn’t trying anything to just lead him on. Not that she had intentionally not told him in the hope of anything. <br /><br />But he didn’t give her chance to talk, he clearly felt like the victim in the situation being used or something. He walked away from her every time she went to find him and tried to talk to him. The only times they would exchange words would be when the whole team was there, especially at the end of the whole thing when France had won the tie. Her and her colleagues had tried to catch up the team later to congratulate them on their win. <br /><br />She wanted to leave and leave tennis alone for a while and forget all about Richard and all this mess. The tornado of emotions that she didn’t even know if they were genuine that were inside of her every time she thought of him. She told herself that it was caused just by the entire drama of it all. Not because she was at all attracted to him. <br /><br />“Well, you know. It turns out we don’t really have that much in common after all and we were kidding ourselves to mix our worlds.” Joana replied back bitterly as her eyes scanned across the top the windows looking for the seat numbers for her, Helen and Neil. <br /><br />Neil a little ahead of them looked at them and called them over and Joana argued as always for the window seat which she got and next to her sat Neil. The three of them had managed to sit next to each other with Catherine several seats away.<br /><br />“Oh such a shame. It would have been such a beautiful story.” <br /><br />“What? How?” <br /><br />“Young love of the French wonder and the photographer in training. It would have been.” <br /><br />“Why do you guys keep forgetting that I have a boyfriend sitting back at home?” Joana said, a little angry perhaps at the fact that none of her friends managed to mention it on Friday night which might have been a little useful as she would never bring it up herself later. Then the whole drama would not have happened and she would not be sitting on the plane asking herself if she should tell that very boyfriend sitting at home anything about this.<br /><br />“Jo we aren’t being serious are we though, it’s amusement for ourselves.” Helen grinned as she put her bag in the overhead compartment, “need to put anything up?” she asked the two people sitting next to her who both shook their heads. <br /><br />“I heard you, you know.” Neil said quietly turning a little towards Joana who looked back at him confused. “Friday night. I know he came upstairs up to your room. I heard laughing then suddenly nothing and footsteps I recall.” <br /><br />Joana’s mouth made an ‘O’ but no sound came out, she cursed the thin walls and thin door again. <br /><br />“Look, all of them are like that. A nice looking girl is friendly towards them and they all think because they have the fame and the money they can take advantage of anyone in any situation.” Neil continued. “Just forget about it. You are better off without. He’s probably going to be chasing some other brainless girl for weeks now who will be stupid enough to let him take advantage of them. Unlike you.” <br /><br />Joana just stared at him and didn’t say a word, it wasn’t anything like he was saying but it seemed a lot easier let him think that tell him what actually happened. If she told Neil what actually happened, he would lose some respect for her and she couldn’t have that, so she just silently nodded.<br /><br />“I thought he was a bit different, it’s such a shame, why are all of them that way?” Neil huffed and folded over the newspaper on his lap onto the page of puzzles. <br /><br />She didn’t say another word and just turned her head the other way and closed her eyes, she just felt so tired and wrecked. Emotionally more than physically perhaps. She didn’t see this, she didn’t prepare for this. She had just gone into an emotional battlefield unarmed and without a shield and she left with all the wounds and bruises as she was ambushed. Yet there he was acting like he was the only victim. <br /><br />She drifted asleep briefly, she didn’t sleep too deeply. As soon as she was aware of the fact that she was asleep, she was awake again. Joana couldn’t help but to feel so glad when she looked out the window and saw the familiar scenes of the red roofs and green grass of London. Especially the dark gloomy grey skies that were all around them. London. Home was near. She could return to being herself again she convinced herself. As soon as she stepped off the plane and out of the airport she would shake this all off and forget about it.<br /><br />Joana stole the half solved page of quizzes from Neil and let her mind become occupied with something so much more perplexing to kick start the act of forgetting and getting over the whole drama. <br /><br />“Okay this is near impossible. What? Why are the crossword clues always so damn cryptic?” she complained as she read over the same clues over and over again to make sense of it. <br /><br />“I don’t know, but I’m not a big fan of the cryptic clues either myself.”<br /><br />As Joana carefully penned in the answer to 7 across she heard the announcement she had been waiting for hours since they had taken off from Halle. Excited she sat back in her seat, double checking her seat belt was on properly. <br /><br />This time, with a warning, a very tired looking Alex stood at arrivals, yawning and curled up over the barriers. “Alex. Oi you.” Joana said as she stood in front of him which made him bolt right up. “God, I missed you.” She continued throwing her arms over him.<br /><br />“You’ve only been gone four days Jo, you weren’t like this when you came back from Melbourne.”<br /><br />“I know, strange. But whatever.” She grinned and looked over her shoulder at the rest of her team and saw the rest of them reunited with those that were supposed to collect them. “Okay let’s go.” She said pulling her suitcase behind her. <br /><br />“I’ll see you tomorrow morning Jo!” She heard Neil call from behind her and she gave him thumbs up in the air without turning back. <br /><br />Excited she almost ran in the house when they arrived back home, home. Where everything made sense. Alex took her bag out of her the back seat of his car and walked on ahead of her while Joana just stood there and looked at it.<br /><br />“Alex?” She called, who then stopped and looked at her. “You know I love you right?” <br /><br />“Yes, I do. You know I love you more though.<br /><br />Joana smiled, this was it. She didn’t any more, she didn’t want anyone else. She didn’t want anything else. He was all she could have ever asked for, he wasn’t anything to show off about. He was Alex, crazed passionate art student that was Alex, who started slowly spending more time at a studio as opposed to home. The man who smelt of a mix of different paints always covered in various art materials. She rushed to his side opened the door with her own keys and rushed inside to be greeted by the same old house mates who were sitting in the living room who greeted her in unison. <br /><br />Who was she kidding. This was her, she wasn’t going to be anything more than just a girl chasing a crazy dream spending rest of her life with a boy who was also chasing a crazy dream. Joana argued with Alex a little at the bottom of the stairs before she eventually won and carried her own luggage upstairs to their room, Alex following closely behind her arguing that he wanted to carry it up stairs for her.<br /><br />(The three guys sitting in the living room gagging at the whole scene happening around them.) <br /><br />“I can look after myself too you know” Joana said pulling a face. <br /><br />“I know, I just like looking after you.” <br /><br />She set the bag down in front of her closet and sat on the floor, unzipping it. Groaning at the thought of having to unpack. Alex sat down on the end of the bed behind her, brushing aside her hair and pressing kisses on her neck. “No, no. I have to unpack. Shoo.” Joana said pushing him away a little, waving her hand in the air.<br /><br />“You can always unpack later.” He whispered over her ear. <br /><br />“I know but…oh fine.” She said, disgusted at her lack of willpower. <br /><br />“Oh that was pathetic, why bother saying no in the first place. Joana’s willpower fails again.” Alex teased.<br /><br />“Shut up Alex or I’m really going to unpack and ignore you rest of the night.” <br /><br />**<br /><br />“What are you staring at? Waiting for something?” Neil said standing over her. <br /><br />“No, no. I’m just, tired, in daze. You know, being me.” Joana grinned, “I’m taking a break it seems.” <br /><br />“Yeah, apparently. When you are quite done resting your mind I think Catherine could do with a bit of help with some fun paperwork.” He said before walking away from her. <br /><br />Quickly two months passed since Halle, everyday she had to remind herself to forget about what happened in Halle. Everyday of the two months. Since Halle she hadn’t been travelled out of the country, several times out of the city but not out of the country, she was starting to get a little bored of the office work. Though she didn’t complain, as an apprentice she was doing the least hard work possible in comparison to some of the stories she had heard before and from the others working in various areas of the same company. <br /><br />She had somehow ended up getting the better deal and every opportunity she had to touch a camera, carry a camera and get out of the office and its four walls she was grateful. She just hated sitting around somewhere quiet where she could hear her own thoughts.<br /><br />Because the same thoughts and the same voices had not stopped harassing her.<br /><br />Because she had to keep convincing herself that what she had was all she wanted and what she would be content with for the rest of her life. But once in a while, a question would pop up in her mind, she was only eighteen after all, how could she have so much certainty in what she thought would last forever right now. <br /><br />Things did change and change rapidly in life after all. <br /><br />She’d wake up in the mornings feeling Alex’s breaths on her skin, feeling his heartbeat against her own. She’d drag him back to her parents’ house once in a while and sit with her parents as if they really already were one big family. <br /><br />It had been a scene that they had all gotten used to over the years. <br /><br />Why she had to let one brief moment in her entire life want to consider throwing all of this aside she wasn’t sure. Why she felt so much as if this was something that was supposed to happen and she was resisting it she wasn’t sure. <br /><br />She heard Neil’s voice in her every time she had the very thought in her head of Richard probably having found someone else by now. It wouldn’t be too surprising, it would hardly be a challenge for him to find someone else. <br /><br />He would have probably forgotten her by now anyway. But then again, he had remembered her the last time they had hardly talked. <br /><br />She shook her head in the hope that it would get all the thoughts out of her head and make her world right again. <br /><br />Joana stared at the phone in her hand, the phone in her hand that had been staring at Richard’s phone number aimlessly for the past twenty minutes. She didn’t know why she kept staring at it; it didn’t give her any comfort, if anything it made her mind more chaotic than ever.<br /><br />But she wanted to call him; she couldn’t help but to want to call him. She knew he would hang up most likely. She knew he would probably go “Who? Oh, yeah.” Before hanging up on her seconds later but she wanted to try. She wanted to talk to him. <br /><br />Maybe she thought, just maybe if she talked this through with Richard she would finally be able to put this rest and be just as enthusiastic about her life as she was before all of this happened.<br /><br />She hated the fact that as soon as she was starting to get to know the sport and slowly start to like the tennis through the one friend she was making in its crazy world, that it was all taken away from her after one abrupt awkward ending to a night. She couldn’t even look at the tennis anymore without getting angry a little. <br /><br />Yet she still stared at his name, her eyes wandered over the tennis websites and she found herself scanning over the sports news headlines looking for his name. <br /><br />“Oh fucking hell Joana. Snap out of it. He’s moved on clearly on to some French whore and you have perfectly good life here as it is.” She muttered to herself as she slid her chair out and pulled herself up and before wandering over towards Catherine desk.<br /><br />“I hear you have really quite exciting paperwork?” She said as cheerfully as she always. <br /><br />“The sarcasm bug spreads quickly I see.” Catherine said laughing, handing Joana a folder from a tray in front her. <br /><br />Real life goals were what she was going to chase and stop losing herself in her fantasy world. <br /></blockquote></blockquote> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:de_milmentiras:11254 2009-02-18T22:50:06Z 2009-02-18T22:50:06Z Robert Pattinson - To Roam | Powered by Last.fm <b>Alpha - Eight - PG-13</b><br />(I do not know all the names mentioned within, none of this happened. I made up a LOT of stuff and forgot a fair few stuff for the sake of my own convinience. Richard's results and tennis related stuff mentioned of 2006 and 2008 are true however. )<br /><br /><blockquote>*Joana is on the verge of a new life afraid to that that leap. Leaving the life as she knows it and entering a whole different world, tells herself she will not lose herself in this new world. Then she stumbles into the world that she knows nothing about, but she is intrigued. She intrigues <i>him</i> and she intrigued with <i>him</i>. She dares, she dares to let her mind wonder about a future after one brief encouter with Richard Gasquet - though she knows deep down inside that she is more likely to be one of the many encouters for him. (After all, she is nothing, to him and his world.)<br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br /><blockquote><i>eight</i><br /><br />“In the nine years I’ve worked in this field never have I been invited to such a gathering!” Neil exclaimed on the taxi ride back to their hotel. <br /><br />“Okay Neil that is a lie. We’ve met plenty of media and sports people outside the working environment.” Helen said looking thoughtful as if she had just traced back in her memory for an example of such an example. “There was, there was. We had dinner with Andre’s family once remember? We also accidentally stumbled into having several drinks with the Russian Davis cup team last year and…” <br /><br />“Okay fine, I was just -”<br /><br />“Trying to put me on the spot again?” Joana interrupted to which Neil nodded in response grinning sheepishly. “Look seriously stop making such a fuss about nothing.” Joana said firmly and teasing ceased for the rest of the journey back. <br /><br />The truth was that not even Joana was sure what this was and if this was anything she should think about at all. She wanted to think over this all on her own, the more and more they made the whole gathering into something that it wasn’t it made her worry a little more.<br /><br />“I will call or text all of you as soon as I know the when and where okay?” she said as she walked past them back into the building, opting to ascend upstairs on her own. <br /><br />She needed time alone to get her head round the whole situation too. She needed to hear the voices in her head and be rational about the whole thing as opposed to letting her judgment being clouded by the nonsense from her colleagues. She collapsed onto her unmade bed. <br /><br />It was nothing, nothing, just a genuine friendly gesture. It couldn’t be anything more. It wasn’t possible anyway, they’d only talked on three occasions and they had exchanged less than 100 words between them. To think anything else from the whole thing was absurd. Crazy. <br /><br />Joana began to question her own sanity as she just laughed at the scale of the ridiculousness that it had become in the space of the past hour. Though it was at the point of this revelation she felt as if her four day worth of wardrobe was not sufficient for such an occasion. Panicking a little she peeled herself off of her hard mattress and swung her legs over onto the side of the bed to peer into the half empty and opened back sitting on the floor in front of her. <br /><br />She sighed as she heard the loud chatter on the other side of her door, loud English chatter, it could only be Neil and the others and she just waited for that sound of the door of the room next to hers to open and close. <br /><br />The walls were far too thin for her liking. <br /><br />**<br />“You invited who?” Sebastien croaked out of shock at the news Richard had just announced from nowhere. “Okay, so wait. If you like her why are we all coming along?” <br /><br />Richard walked back across their hotel room and looked at his friend who was looking at him looking a little confused, a little confusion that Richard could understand. <br /><br />“Because we haven’t really been alone along enough yet to talk, you know and it seemed a little awkward to take her out randomly…” Richard trailed off, shrugging a little as he couldn’t exactly think of enough reasons to what he had just arranged without the knowledge rest of his team mates. <br /><br />“I’m sorry, what?” Sebastien laughed chocking a little with laughter on the swig of water he had just taken out of the bottle in his hand. “A little too awkward and you felt like you didn’t know her well enough. Right, who are you and what happened to the Richard Gasquet I know?” <br /><br />Richard narrowed his at Sebastien a little not impressed with what the older man was implying at all. Sebastien rolled his eyes at Richard before emptying rest of the bottle before throwing it across the room into the bin. Attempted to throw into the bin rather. <br /><br />“What?” Richard said in a defending manner as he picked up the plastic bottle in the corner of the room and putting it into the bin. <br /><br />“Oh Richard, Richard, Richard. Don’t play that innocent act now, you know you don’t keep anything from me. You see faceless, nameless girls all the time, you have a girl on your arm one night, then another girl on a different night. You can’t recall who they are or what they look like in the next week and apparently you can’t remember the whole thing either now?”<br /><br />“I-” Richard started in order to defend himself again and then just shook his head, Sebastien was right after all. Not as crude as he had put it but it was true. He never wanted to become one of those young successful athletes that found themselves in one loud drunk place to another; he never wanted to be the ones to take advantage of the fame into situations. But he couldn’t deny that he had done so on more than a few times in the recent 18 months. “Just this one is different. Have you thought maybe I want to actually try something real this time?” <br /><br />“I suppose, I suppose. You have to grow up some time.” Sebastien said looking up from the laptop screen, sticking out a tongue at Richard. “If you want to get to know her then fine, I suppose we can be of help. It’s not like we aren’t going to go out and eat anyway.” <br /><br />“Thank you.” Richard smiled and sat down at the end of his own bed, flicking on the TV, though moments later he had done so he wondered why he had just bothered to attempt to watch German TV. <br /><br />“Have you told the others?” Sebastien enquired minutes later as Richard sat and flicked through the channels to find something dubbed in English at least. <br /><br />“Yeah, I did actually. You were the last. Guy and Michael said that they were going to ask around for somewhere decent to go to later anyway so they were going to sort out the reservation and stuff.” Richard droned without turning around to make eye contact with the older man, staring at the screen in front of him with curiosity. <br /><br />“The last? Me?” <br /><br />“Don’t feel so hurt and jealous now, you know you are still my favourite.” Richard teased, this time looking around at Sebastien with a wide grin on his face. <br /><br />At that moment Richard’s phone which was still in his bag and sitting on the floor somewhere started vibrating. He bolted up trying to remember where he had put own the bag when he walked into the room. Quickly as he could mange he retraced his steps and found his bag and pulled out his phone to find that it was Michael calling. The conversation consisted of mostly just ‘yes’s and ‘good’s before he hung up confirming details of the restaurant. <br /><br />As soon as he hung up he looked at the back of his left hand and carefully keyed in the numbers in blue ink on his skin then hesitated a little before he pressed the call button, feeling Sebastien’s eyes on him he opted to text instead the details to Joana and he just hoped the number was right. He held his breath a little as the message sent and stared at it expecting an almost immediate reply to appear on his screen. Richard, hearing Sebastien just laughing finding this side to him slightly comical and laughing, put the phone away into the pocket of his jeans and returned to trying to decipher the plot of the show he was watching. <br /><br />The phone vibrated again in his pocket minutes later and he pulled it out as quickly as he could manage and looked at the screen, relieved to know that he had sent it to the right number.<br /><br />‘That’s quite near our hotel actually we walked past it yesterday. Good to know you keep your word. I’ll see you and the guys later then.’ <br /><br />He read it over and over again hoping that somewhere between the lines of the brief-to-the-point message that it would show him the glimmer a hope that he wasn’t chasing after nothing and that she had the slightest bit of interest in him. <br /><br />“Of course she does, everyone does. You’re Richard Gasquet. Who doesn’t know your name?” Sebastien said making Richard almost jump out of his skin at the fact that Sebastien seemed to almost read his mind. <br /><br />‘She doesn’t, I mean, she didn’t know who or what I was.’ He thought to himself, she did of course know who or what he was. But he remembered that first eye contact they had back in Melbourne, those briefest of moments and he knew that at that time she didn’t know who he was. <br /><br />How significant or insignificant he was in the world he lived in. The first time they had become aware of each other’s existence, unlike his usual encounters with girls, it didn’t revolve around the name tag that was floating above his head. <br /><br />Was it that? Was it that fact alone that she had no idea who or what he was when she had first smiled at him that made him think that somehow this could and should be a start to something different? <br /><br />“Okay get up you lazy old man. We have to leave soon.” He said to Sebastien as he got to his feet. Sebastien scowled at him in response, not appreciating being referred to as an ‘old man’. <br /><br />“You can start calling me that in five years.” Sebastien responded as he slid the laptop off his lap and setting it down next to him. <br /><br />Richard began to usher him a little, they had more than half an hour to ready to and to leave but he found himself growing a little nervous as the minutes went by. He himself found himself being a little more vain than usual glancing at his own reflection countless times before they were both ready to leave the room. (While the entire time Sebastien was laughing uncontrollably watching him.) <br /><br />The two men went down the lobby of their hotel where they waited for Arnaud, the two that had arranged and found the restaurant had spent rest of the evening out in the town and arranged to meet them there instead. The three of them climbed into a taxi minutes later and found themselves going a little outside the city centre that they had been walking around in the past two days. <br /><br />Twenty minutes later they pulled up on the side of a curb and the three of them stepped out, one by one after finding a way to equally divide the taxi fare between them. The restaurant wasn’t too big or grand or was it too crowded as Richard noticed as they walked into it. A waiter came up towards them as the three stepped in to their attention but by then Arnaud had spotted the biggest table in the corner of the restaurant seated with the familiar faces. <br /><br />The six of them already at the table seemed to be engaged in a highly entertaining conversation of some sort and Richard couldn’t help but to feel a little odd inside, odd was the only way he could describe it as he approached the table. Watching Joana laughing with a permanent smile on her face as she chatted excitedly with Guy and Michael. <br /><br />“Hey Richard and Sebastien right?” Joana said greeting the men approaching them and looked across at Arnaud. “I really genuinely am sorry it’s not that I like you less but I really don’t know who you are.” Joana laughed, feeling a little embarrassed. <br /><br />“Oh hurt. I think I am a little hurt.” Arnaud said taking his seat between Guy and Michael. “Arnaud.” <br /><br />“Arnaud. Right.” Joana repeated, almost chanting it to herself in her head for it to sink in. <br /><br />Richard and Sebastien exchanged quick awkward glances across before Richard was bullied (as subtly as possible by Sebastien) into the seat opposite Joana. She looked at him and wore that same smile again, the smile from the first time their eyes had met and the one that Richard couldn’t seem to erase from the back of his mind. <br /><br />The one that was haunting him in a way. <br /><br />“Good thing we didn’t eat in here yesterday that would have ruined the whole fun of tonight eh? How did you find this place I imagine you are staying nowhere near here and near the city centre.” She said taking a swig out of her wine glass. “<br /><br />“I didn’t, Michael and Guy over there talked to some of the people from the organizers trying to find somewhere quiet and good enough to eat. So yeah.” <br /><br />After the initial small talk was exchanged between them the conversation seemed to die down a little between them and Richard felt as if he was forcing this too much too quickly. The more the conversation decreased he was sure that she was not interested in him at all and he was about to find out that he had just wasted his time. <br /><br />“We need to get up pretty early tomorrow so I think we are going to leave, but rest of you stay and enjoy rest of the evening. Really.” Arnaud said getting up with Michael and Guy. “Sorry, we would stay if we could. Maybe we’ll do this again when we do win the tie.” Arnaud winked and stepped away from the table, placing one hand on Richard’s shoulder squeezing it firmly as if to say ‘good luck’. <br /><br />“I think I’m too old for this too, I’m going to call it a night. Sorry but I’m sure the four of you will still find plenty of entertainment in Richard rest of the night” said Sebastien also attempting to leave. <br /><br />“You can’t be too old for this, if you are, so am I!” Neil argued, laughing. “We might as well call it a night then if there is going to be just five of us.” <br /><br />“No, no. no. You do not walk away from a half full bottle.” Joana said, smiling. “Seb, you have to stay. It does look like we are just bullying one poor Frenchman.” Lifting up the wine bottle in one hand. <br /><br />“Okay, fine. I’ll stay until we finish that then.” Sebastien said, quickly sitting back down again. <br /><br />Richard looked at the bottle and realized it was a little less than half full and there were five of them, it wouldn’t be too long before it would be empty and they would have to call it a night. He didn’t feel like he had achieved anything at all, he felt a little closer perhaps to Joana, who was talking a lot. Louder than he remembered, he wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol in her system or if this was just her when she was in a slightly more comfortable situation. <br /><br />It didn’t take took long as Richard had predicted for the bottle to be emptied and before he knew it the six of them were walking out of the restaurant not too long after it seemed after the other three had left. Sebastien pulled over a Taxi for the two of them make their way back to the hotel and Richard had almost turned around and away from Joana and her friends but then decided against it. <br /><br />“You go on ahead, I think I’m just going to walk them back to the hotel, when am I going to be able to wander around Halle in the quiet? As long as they don’t mind that is.” <br /><br />“Of course not, we will walk the long way if you like, it’s quite picturesque I’ve found.”Joana replied. <br /><br />Sebastien looked at Richard and mouthed something Richard didn’t quite catch before he climbed into the taxi. As soon as the car had driven away and out of their sight Richard joined the group of the other four as they set off walking back towards their Hotel. The other three broke off in front, leaving Joana and Richard to walk several paces behind them. <br /><br />“I’m sorry. I babble on like an idiot in awkward situations. I promise you I’m not that stupid, all the time.” Joana said as soon as they were safe distance away, far away enough to pick up their every word. “oh I’m doing it again…oh shut up Jo.” She continued, feeling herself grow slightly pink with very word that came of her mouth and every word she was considering to say out loud. <br /><br />Richard laughed which didn’t help to Joana’s change in shade. “I think we all are. I’m sorry for putting you in such a situation then. I suppose.” <br /><br />“It was fun though. I feel so knowledgeable about your world and your tennis thing.” <br /><br />“Tennis thing?” Richard said looking at her raising an eyebrow. “You still aren’t won over are you?”<br /><br />“No, I can’t say I am. I still think it’s quite dull. It’s just a ball going back and forth.” She said and Richard just stared at her in silence before they both laughed moments later. <br /><br />“It is, it is just a ball going back and forth. But you can do so much with the ball. That’s what makes it exciting and not everyone can do brilliant and exciting things with the ball.”<br /><br />“What, like you?” Joana laughed.<br /><br />“Some say I do, so I guess I do?” <br /><br />The more they talked and shared laughter the slower they found themselves walking to keep the conversation going and eventually they had lost the other three ahead of them and Joana proceeded to making their walking route longer by turning into unnecessary roads. She couldn’t quite believe how real he was, how he was real inside after all the tennis and the fame was taken away. Just him, as he was. She had never expected any successful athletes to have a real side to them at all. <br /><br />Which was also one of the biggest reasons she had for disliking sports. <br /><br />It wasn’t until they noticed that they were relatively warmer they noticed that they were walking through the hotel lobby and standing by the elevators waiting for one. <br /><br />“Might as well come up for the sake of it, seeing as you are inside and called an elevator and everything.” Joana said. <br /><br />‘No Gasquet, leave, leave you are going to do something stupid. Leave.’ Richard heard his own voice in his head but his feet did not move away and instead he was stepping into the elevator with Joana. <br /><br />Then everything was slightly awkward and silent again the ride upwards, both of them only then really realizing what this could possibly connote. Silently they walked out of the elevator and down the hallway down towards Joana’s room, Joana searched around her bag for her key card, frantically, almost resorting to tipping out the contents of it onto the floor.<br /><br />“I’m sorry. I’m just so all over the place.” She said.<br /><br />“I can’t say I’m not.” Richard laughed.<br /><br />“Aha.” Joana exclaimed, finding the key in her jacket pocket as opposed to her bag. “Thank you for the fun and keeping your word, I have to say I am impressed. I had expected that you’d just be the same as the typical athlete. No soul. Money counting. Girl loving sort of…” <br /><br />Richard didn’t let Joana finish, he hadn’t intended to, it wasn’t what he had planned at all. He was regretting it as soon as he realized he had done and was about to pull away until he realized that she was in fact kissing him back. She hadn’t freaked out and she hadn’t pushed him away. Then he found himself not wanting to pull away, not wanting to walk away from this at all and find his hand slipping around her waist, when he felt a buzz against her jacket. <br /><br />Only then did she pull away finding her phone in the pocket of her jacket. “Oh it’s my boyfriend…” She found herself say, which she figured after she had said it that it was probably the wrong thing to say at that moment in time. <br /><br />“You have a boyfriend?” <br /><br />“Yeah, I-” Joana started to talk as Richard looked back at her waiting some sort of an explanation.<br /><br />Not that any explanation would resolve the situation at all. Before she could find the next word he was already gone. Joana just sat on the floor outside her door and looked down at her phone that had stopped ringing.<br /><br />“Oh fuck, oh fuck.” She muttered to herself repeatedly. “I don’t – can’t like him.” she said over and over again until the phone in her hand rang again. “Hey you!” She answered, as if nothing happened as if no part of was aching a little. As if nothing had changed. <br /><br />After all it was just a kiss, nothing more.</blockquote></blockquote> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:de_milmentiras:10780 2009-02-06T22:41:03Z 2009-02-06T22:41:03Z Ojos de Brujo - Get Up, Stand Up (Studio version) | Powered by Last.fm <b>Alpha - Seven - PG</b><br />(I do not know all the names mentioned within, none of this happened. I made up a LOT of stuff and forgot a fair few stuff for the sake of my own convinience. Richard's results and tennis related stuff mentioned of 2006 and 2008 are true however. )<br /><br /><blockquote>*Joana is on the verge of a new life afraid to that that leap. Leaving the life as she knows it and entering a whole different world, tells herself she will not lose herself in this new world. Then she stumbles into the world that she knows nothing about, but she is intrigued. She intrigues <i>him</i> and she intrigued with <i>him</i>. She dares, she dares to let her mind wonder about a future after one brief encouter with Richard Gasquet - though she knows deep down inside that she is more likely to be one of the many encouters for him. (After all, she is nothing, to him and his world.)<br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br /><blockquote><i>seven</i> <br /><br />“Sebastien Grosjean! That’s who it was!” Joana exclaimed loudly as she looked over the team sheet again and the day’s order of play. She then looked around her to find Neil looking at her with much confusion to her sudden outburst. “Oh I recognized him when I saw him yesterday but I could match a name to a face. It was Grosjean!” She continued to say excitedly, proud of herself for being able to establish that link. <br /><br />“Well done, well done,” said Neil as he walked past Joana who was standing by the entrance in the moment of pride in her own revelation. <br /><br />When she came out her moment of pride she followed closely behind Neil into the stadium court which was loud and buzzing. She could hear the sound of the gathering crowd from outside the stadium and as she walked in she couldn’t help put to just gawp at the amount of patriotism that was on display up in the stands, all around her. Noticing that Neil didn’t have the sling of her camera over his neck, she gently took it away from his grasp, which he noticed a little too late and she firmly squeezed down the shutter to capture the emotion all around her even before they were in their ‘base camp’ for the match. <br /><br />“Jo…?” Neil said puzzled as Joana stood there, lost in the moment of the atmosphere that captured her and he just heard that satisfying noise of the shutter clicking repeatedly over and over again. Neil didn’t move another step until Joana finally lowered the camera and handed it back to him. “Don’t ever…” He trailed off as he viewed the photos she had taken, he couldn’t continue his sentence, he couldn’t say that he wasn’t at all impressed with the photos she had taken. “Erm, well done. Nice.” He just ended up saying as he only then started moving again weaving through the other row of eager photographers lined around the perimeter of the court. <br /><br />Helen and Catherine were positioned on another part of the court, Neil and Joana had managed to secure themselves a spot near the players’ bench. <br /><br />“Do you want me to…” Jo said, slowly unzipping the laptop case, Neil looked over at her and just nodded and she then pulled out the laptop swiftly and rested it on the case in the floor space in front of her. Neil dictated to her what to do next, a new event, a new tournament, Neil wanted to make sure everything was being done correctly though Joana had been doing the same sort of job everyday for almost two months. <br /><br />She cheered as almost as loudly as the French crowds up in the stands when the entire team appeared on the court for the team presentation then became almost silent immediately after as Neil shot her a look that just said not to get involved too much in the match. Joana was nervous as the first match began, she was nervous for Richard, her new friend – she wasn’t sure if she could really refer to him as that – her new acquaintance perhaps. She remembered the last match she had watched between the same men on court in Melbourne. The first time she had ever seen Richard and the first ever live tennis she had ever watched. She remembered how disappointed Richard had sounded the day following that match. He was one match away, he wasn’t playing until Sebastien had played but she was nervous already. <br /><br />Joana felt as if she had just adopted French as her nation and she found herself so involved with every game and cheered inside so loudly for Sebastien and for France. For Richard’s France. Her eyes once in a while wandered from the court to the row of the French players sitting courtside watching the match, looking at the back of Richard’s head. Occasionally she’d catch him sharing a joke with the compatriot next to him and see him smile, that smile on his face. With every game and every set Sebastien won, Richard would leap out of his seat and punch the air, clenching is right first. <br /><br />“Allez.” He said firmly, looking at Sebastien who looked back at him and gave him a nod. <br /><br />Nearing the end of Sebastien’s match which clearly looked to be going France’s way Richard disappeared much to Joana’s confusion, which Neil explained eventually to say that Richard as probably going to get ready for his match. <br /><br />It was another half an hour until she heard the words “Game set and match France.” With the chair umpire’s announcement the waves of blue cheered up in the stands, louder than before as Sebastien Grosjean had just won the first rubber for France. <br /><br />Then she remembered that it was going to be the match she was dreading all along that was about to come up. There were only minutes to allow change umpires and ball kids before she saw Richard on the court again. They were minutes away from the repeat of the shock result at the Australian Open or a payback. <br /><br />This had a completely different level of pride involved in it and she couldn’t help but to get a little emotionally involved. Richard was her first tennis experience. <br /><br />And it felt like the worst was about to happen again as Richard lost the first set 1-6; much to the disappointment of the chanting French supporters. Even Joana couldn’t believe what she was seeing. She didn’t have any time to reflect on that and as soon as the set was over she was frantically attaching a cable and a camera to her laptop, willing for it to transfer quicker. In front of her she heard the team coach muttering and saying what sounded like a bunch of encouragement to Richard. <br /><br />Joana nodded silently to herself. Believe, believe.<br /><br />As time was called by the umpire the whole stadium erupted once more and the rest of the team mates watching also joining in with the cheering. <br /><br />“ALLEZ ALLEZ ALLEZ.” The word never seemed to stop being chanted somewhere in the stadium, at the end of every point, after every long rally, after every breath taking winner. “ALLEZ RICHARD.” <br /><br />Joana was being swept into the match unintentionally, she found herself as the set progressed that she was also mouthing the word ‘allez’ whatever it meant. <br /><br />She couldn’t help but to punch the air a little when Richard fought back to win the second set and the third set 6-4. She was caught up in the emotions that occupied the court and the drama of the sport that was presented to her. <br /><br />“Jo, Jo!” Neil called as he plugged in the end of the cable to his camera, “Joana!” He raised his voice to get Joana’s reaction. <br /><br />“Oh, sorry, sorry.” She muttered as she carried out the same actions as she had done before and returned to trying to listen to the words that was coming out of the team coach’s lips and watching Richard’s response. <br /><br />Richard was one set away from winning the second rubber for France. For his country. Payback for the Australian Open was near. <br /><br />“You like him, you so like him.” <br /><br />“I do not, I mean okay he’s a nice guy I think, from what I’ve seen so far anyway…” Joana muttered as she disconnected the camera from the machine in front of her once more as the umpire for the fourth time called time.<br /><br />“You like him. You should see the way you look at him Jo. And you get so defensive.” Neil continued to tease. <br /><br />Joana pulled a face and ignored it and peered over onto the court to watch the beginning of the next set that could clench the win for Richard. She began to chant quietly to herself with every point and game and sometimes loud enough for Neil to hear them and look over to her with an all knowing grin on his face. <br /><br />“Come on Richard, finish this.” She found herself saying which in response she got from Neil mouthing the words ‘You like him.’ <br /><br />She held her breath a little as the set slowly came to a close and the set became too close for comfort after so many chances that went either way. She couldn’t quite believe how much she was getting involved into the match and how much she was enjoying all the twists and turns of it. How she was actually enjoying watching a sport. <br /><br />A tiebreaker to settle the fourth set and all of a sudden they were going into a fifth set. The match that should have been over and won by France was going into a fifth set where it could suddenly become anyone’s match. Joana couldn’t believe it. Neil nudged her a little again, trying to get her to focus on the work and what they were supposed to be doing. Having no such luck he resorted to doing it himself and realized that there were images still unsorted properly that was on the screen. <br /><br />He glanced over at Joana and let out a little sigh before sliding back the laptop in her direction when he was done with it. He couldn’t believe it took one decent looking tennis player to get Joana to get this excited and this enthused about the sport. <br /><br />“Shallow much Miss King?” Neil blurted out half way through the final set, during which Joana had become very tense from watching. <br /><br />“What?” Joana responded about a minute later when she had finally heard and processed Neil’s words. <br /><br />“You are won over into a sport so quickly by one pretty boy.” Neil continued. “Not to mention getting in the way of your work.” <br /><br />“Oh shit, I’m sorry I so totally lost track…” She said turning her attention back onto the screen in front of her which she had changed, “Sorry, you know this is far too…”<br /><br />“Game, France.” Joana was interrupted by the echoing voice of the chair umpire. <br /><br />“Oh did Richard just break him? Oh Richard did!” she said excitedly turning her focus back onto the tennis again, the words Neil said totally escaping from her mind very quickly as she went back to chanting to herself. <br /><br />From then on Richard was in control of himself again, of his game again and in control of the match again to bring to France the second rubber win. An epic battle on the court that was just more than his personal pride at stake. France had won the day. <br /><br />“Game, set and match France. 1-6, 6-4, 6-4, 6-7, 6-3.” As the score echoed throughout she heard the camera shutter next to her going off crazily. <br /><br />Richard stood there, soaking up the roaring French crowds as his team mates bounced and leapt out of their seats to celebrate the 2-0 lead after the first day’s result. Joana couldn’t help but to feel a little proud for Richard, to get that defeat in Melbourne out of his head and to forget about his apparent lack of form and the question marks that were floating around him. <br /><br />“You so like him.” Neil said again as he noticed how emotionally taken aback she was by the whole result. <br /><br />Joana didn’t even bother to argue and just got up slowly and gathered all of their belonging into the bag again. She glanced up saw the German team slug off quietly and quickly off the court feeling defeated and she saw the French still celebrating. Helen and Catherine excitedly joined them as soon as the crowds had cleared out and the court was clear. <br /><br />“How amazing was that match?” Helen said pulling up the strap of her bag that was slipping down her shoulder. “Are we going to go lurk in the media room?” <br /><br />“All four of us? I don’t think that’s necessary but we’ll be hanging around back there somewhere if you want to go Helen.” Neil replied, slowly piecing apart his camera parts again and putting it back in its case. <br /><br />Helen left them and quickly disappeared through the doors that they had appeared from and the players had disappeared through. Joana took one long look around the now emptied stadium and felt a little odd to see it so quiet so quickly. Catherine perched on one of the empty seats behind them as she waited for Neil to be done packing his stuff away, tapping her finger on her watch.<br /><br />“What? Don’t rush me, there is no need.” Neil protested as he finally then zipped up his bag and pulled it over his shoulder. “It’s not like we’ve got anywhere to be. Really.” Neil said taking the lead out of the court and back to the behind scenes area where everyone was wearing ID tags of some kind. <br /><br />Joana never really thought she would be merging in such a scene although she had always seen herself to be doing this job. She had never really put the two together. Once in the whole media area Catherine and Neil disappeared and left her alone to greet some people that they recognized, she was getting bored of being left behind all the time and Helen was no where to be seen. <br /><br />“Joana?” She heard her name being called from behind in that pleasantly familiar accent and she quickly spun on her heels to see the curly haired French man looking back at her with <i>that</i> smile again. <br /><br />“Hey, great match. I actually really enjoyed that.” <br /><br />“I made you enjoy tennis? That’s good. You’ll learn to love it. Trust me.” He continued and Joana gave him a questionable look. “Well we should catch up like we said I think and I will try to convince you into loving my sport.”<br /><br />“Erm, yes sure.” Joana stuttered out, she couldn’t quite believe that he was keeping his word. <br /><br />“Me and some guys on the team are going out to dinner tonight, you can come with your friends too if you want?” <br /><br />“That sounds too good to pass.” She smiled, “When and where?” <br /><br />“We haven’t decided that quite yet but we just know we want to go out and celebrate the first day a little, if you give me your phone number I’ll call you later with the details if that’s okay…”<br /><br />“Yes, that’s completely fine.” She said, rummaging around the big bag on her shoulder to pull out a pen she knew she had, but she wasn’t too sure if she had scrap paper. All the paper she did have was now sitting on the floor of where she had been for the past several hours. Realizing exactly what was running through Joana’s mind Richard offered his hand and Joana looked up at him, to make sure if this really was that he meant. <br /><br />She grabbed his hand and wrote down her phone number on the back of his hand and he looked down at it and back at her pleased. “I have to really go now and stop avoiding this interview.”<br /><br />“Yeah sure, you go do your thing.” She said grinning and placed her pen back in her bag and looked back over her shoulder at him as he was ushered into a room by the event organizers. <br /><br />“What are you grinning about now.” Catherine said appearing in front of her again.<br /><br />“Richard just invited me – us, all of us, out to dinner with the French team.” <br /><br />“A date? Already?” <br /><br />“What? No, this isn’t a date, it’s four of us and how many of them there are... it’s just bunch of people just having dinner together.” <br /><br />“It’s a date. Where are we going?”<br /><br />“I’m not sure he said he’d call me later.”<br /><br />“This is a date. You can’t do that, you have a boyfriend.”<br /><br />“This isn’t a date. “Joana said firmly again and heard the words in her head again, this wasn’t a date was it? Or anything of that kind? <br /><br />It was just two groups of people meeting up to have dinner, she had nothing to feel guilty about or bad about. She wasn’t cheating. She was just making new acquaintances in this whole new world. <br /><br />But she had to stop to question the cloud of worry that was lingering in the back of her head. She shook her head violently and told herself that it was nothing of that kind. That it was just crazy stuff Catherine was saying to wind her up.</blockquote></blockquote> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:de_milmentiras:10531 2009-02-04T18:20:38Z 2009-02-04T18:20:38Z Justin Nozuka - Golden Train | Powered by Last.fm <b>Title:</b> This is you and me <br /><b>Pairing:</b> Richard Gasquet/Sébastien Grosjean<br /><b>Rating:</b> PG<br /><b>Disclaimer:</b> Not true. Fictional. Work of my imagination. I don't own these people and these things never happened.<br /><b>Summary:</b> Echoing memories of how they became to be, are and will be?<br /><b>A/N:</b> <s>gasquet/grosjean exists, okay?</s>. This is really...quite bad and unbeta'd but I felt like seeing as it's the first tennis slash I've written in a while, I should post it? Seen through Sébastien's eyes. Just over 600 words. Feedback is love. : )<br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br /><br /><blockquote><br /><i>I'm not a boy anymore.</i><br /><br />You cringe everytime he reminds you of that day when you met him for the first time. You laugh inititally at the ridiculousness when he occasionally brings out that photo of you, Guy and him. Then the next second you feel awful, dirty. Then the question marks return. It's the same of old arguments. <br /><br />You're too old for him. He disagrees.<br /><br /><i>I'm not-<br /><br />Nor am I.<br /><br />But then-?<br /><br />It's just you and me. </i><br /><br />In the beginning he was so confused, so confused to why he was attracted to you. Why he had wanted you in a way he knew it couldn't possibly be right. It took him a while to get used to the idea that there were no labels (that those categories and the matter of being straight or not didn't matter.) That it was just the matter of you and him. He would then tell you that was why he was so shy around you for so many years. <br /><br /><i>Arnaud?<br /><br />What about Arnaud?<br /><br />I thought you two were...</i><br /><br />You laughed when he asked you about Arnaud after he had kissed you for the first time. Realising you hadn't freaked out and pushed away, realising that the feeling was mutual. <br /><br />Apparently there was a rumour about you and your best friend. <br /><br /><i>I have never-<br /><br />Nor have I.<br /><br />Oh.<br /><br />I wanted you, always wanted you to be my first.</i><br /><br />The first time you two had spent the night together was a near catastrophe. If not disastrous. But you two are able to laugh about it now, cherish that night, everything about it. (And couldn't be gladder at the fact that it did in fact improve with practice.) It's the one memory you turn to when he's not with you. That first time you had fallen asleep with your Richard in your arms. <br /><br /><i>I'm married you know. <br /><br />I know Sébastien, I've also met your lovely children too, remember?</i><br /><br />He didn't seem to care. All that mattered to him was the idea of you and him. The idea of Marie-Pierre and your three children didn't faze him at all. <br /><br /><i>I want you, right now. <br /><br />Now? Where? How? You do realise we are in my house with my children yes? </i><br /><br />He got daring and adventurous as the time passed by. You loved it, he made you feel alive and young(er). He made you youthful again. He made you laugh and keep you smiling through the day.<br /><br />Davis Cup was the highlight of your calendar and it never seemed close enough.<br /><br /><i>I can't do this<br /><br />Do what?<br /><br />Share you!</i><br /><br />You had always thought it was safe for you to lead that double life but with time it became apparent to him that you were never really his. Your mind and your body was with him. Your heart was with him but he always knew a much larger proportion belonged with Marie-Pierre and with your perfect married life. <br /><br /><i>You know I'm not-<br /><br />Giving them up. I know.</i><br /><br />He'd always leave and not call for days and weeks until it got too much and call you drunk. <br /><br />You just watch him complain and babble on, knowing that soon he's going to get frustrated with himself and at the whole situation and leave. You don't stop him because this is how it's always been, you know he's going to come back - eventually. And as that door slams behind him you replay the whole thing in your head again, the story of you and him. <br /><br />But every time that door slams, every time he walks away and every time he hangs up, it feels like he’s drifting a littler further away. <br /><br />(This can’t end, you and him cannot end you assure yourself and push aside the fear and doubt.) <br /><br />So begins that waiting game again.</blockquote> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:de_milmentiras:10286 2009-02-02T16:11:28Z 2009-02-02T16:11:28Z Gym Class Heroes - Catch Me If You Can <b>Alpha - Six - PG</b><br />(I do not know all the names mentioned within, none of this happened. I made up a LOT of stuff and forgot a fair few stuff for the sake of my own convinience. Richard's results and tennis related stuff mentioned of 2006 and 2008 are true however. )<br /><br /><blockquote>*Joana is on the verge of a new life afraid to that that leap. Leaving the life as she knows it and entering a whole different world, tells herself she will not lose herself in this new world. Then she stumbles into the world that she knows nothing about, but she is intrigued. She intrigues <i>him</i> and she intrigued with <i>him</i>. She dares, she dares to let her mind wonder about a future after one brief encouter with Richard Gasquet - though she knows deep down inside that she is more likely to be one of the many encouters for him. (After all, she is nothing, to him and his world.)<br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br /><blockquote><i>six</i> (February 2006)<br /><br />The two weeks in Melbourne had managed to sweep Joana quickly into the world of tennis, she understood more about the sport and was able to notice the significance of the different people. It was at the end of the fort night she realized how important the Australian Open is on the tennis tour. How and why exactly it had so many sports fans glued to it and so many people gathering to it.<br /><br />She understood it yes, but she couldn’t say she could fully understand the passion for it. Personally she still found it dull, for her it was just an exciting atmosphere to have had her first test in the world of photojournalism and her first taste of what she wanted to do with rest of her life. <br /><br />The final was talked of to be a good one, one of the biggest finals as the unseeded Cypriot crushed his way through the seeds and took a set of the world number one. Joana wasn’t able to be on court for this match, there were already too many bigger companies and bigger names covering it. They were only able to get one camera and one man in for the match. They had to then opt for the most experienced photographer with them to go in on their own – Neil. The three females of the team were left to watching it from afar; Catherine suggested staying in Melbourne Park to watch it but then decided against it. The three of them took a taxi back to the hotel watched it on the TV in Helen and Joana’s room as Jo started packing to leave the next day. <br /><br />“Alex!” Joana had squealed excitedly when they had come out through the arrivals back in London, she abandoned the rest of them and threw herself into the open arms of her boyfriend who had come out to pick her up from the airport. Which took Joana by complete surprise and Joana had spent the entire journey back home with him, telling him off for turning up like that without warning her. Then she realized that he wasn’t driving them back towards her house but back to his own. “Erm, what where are we going?” <br /><br />“I’m moving out of my room and we are moving into Tim’s room seeing as it’s bigger and he’s moved out.” <br /><br />It took her a while to understand what he exactly meant by that and she looked at him blankly. “I’m sorry did you make this decision all by yourself for us?” <br /><br />“Yes, yes I did.” He laughed. <br /><br />“I’m glad you did.” She had replied and that evening she had returned and unpacked in the house Alex house-shared with 3 other people. She had unpacked in a room she was going to decide to share with her boyfriend. <br /><br />She slowly got used to waking up to seeing (or on most mornings not seeing) Alex next to her, rushing to get out of the house together and bumping into the other three guys in the house on the way down stairs. Watching him rushing out somewhere or leaving him to rush out somewhere. She had gotten used to going into the office and going out into the local events armed with the camera with the usual team, though at times she would be left in London alone to work with the other apprentices to sort out the live pictures that was coming in instead. <br /><br />Before she could get used to breathing the normal life back home in London again she was sitting on a plane again with Neil, Helen and Catherine flying to Halle. <br /><br />“So what is this we are going to?” She as she flicked through the pile of paper that Helen was flicking through. <br /><br />“Davis Cup, it’s one of the very few occasions that tennis players get to play representing their countries. It’s like the international tennis tournament, if you like.” <br /><br />“Hm, I see…” Joana trailed off and returned to flicking through the magazine lying on the folded out table in front of her. “So wait, who are we going to watch?” <br /><br />“Germany versus France. It’s going to be really good I think, as far as I can see they both have a really strong team and the winners of this will probably play Russia next round.” <br /><br />“How does the whole thing work, really?” Joana continued to ask and Helen just responded by pulling out a couple of sheets of paper that she was holding onto and handed it to Joana who looked at it and immediately put aside the magazine and began to study the fact sheet that Helen had given to her. “Richard Gasquet is on the team?” She exclaimed almost too loudly at the fact that there was a name she recognized on the team sheet. <br /><br />“Ah yes, Jo’s French eye candy, he’s most definitely going to be playing. The French can’t play without their front man of course.” Helen teased as Joana just scowled and narrowed her eyes at the older woman before she returned to scanning over the notes and reading how the Davis Cup worked. <br /><br />By the time she had gotten her head completely round the whole concept of the singles rubbers and the double rubbers and the dead rubbers she heard the announcement for landing. From then she couldn’t stop fidgeting with excitement, she could remember all the excitement she felt the first time they had got abroad to the Melbourne and how amazing every new experience was to her. <br /><br />This was a completely new one and this was going to be different as she was going to actually understand the sport this time round. She would also be able to recognize someone who was playing the match for once. Then she quickly glanced down at the team sheet again, “Tommy Haas? Hang on isn’t that the guy who beat Richard at the Australian Open?” Joana said with a little disappointed in her voice, feeling like it was an obviously loss for Richard even before the draws were made. <br /><br />“Look at you Miss King remembering all the facts about your beloved Richard.” <br /><br />“Stop it!” Joana protested not enjoying being on the receiving end of the teasing all the time, especially since they had decided to keep picking on her and the fact that Neil had walked into a situation where her and Richard were just sharing small talk. “Don’t look so defeated already, it’s a completely different situation you don’t know. He might win. We’ll see when the draw is made today.” <br /><br />“Maybe we should stop it now seeing as she does have a boyfriend after all who she’s moved in with. They are pretty serious. I’m sure the boyfriend would most definitely get the wrong idea if we keep going on about it.” Neil joined in from the other side of Helen who seemed to have woken up at some point from drifting asleep. <br /><br />Within the following half an hour they had touched down in Halle and they were going through that same old routine of security checks and passport control and the tedious time waiting at the carousel waiting for their bags. The time in their lives that made them hesitant about which ones were their bags before they lunged themselves quickly at it. Joana never had the problem though as she had a suitcase with a very unsubtly written initial of “JK” written in a marker on the side from some school holiday years before. <br /><br />She quickly pulled the bag off the revolving belt and set it down on the floor and waited for the rest of the team to find the rest of the luggage. Joana then was put on the spot as they were forced to make their own way to their hotel with her apparent knowledge of German. Joana tried to argue tried to avoid using the very rusty German in her brain. <br /><br />Somehow she had managed to get a taxi from the airport and to the hotel without getting lost and ended up at the right place. Joana wondered about when she would stop being put on the spot, even if it was to be teased or to be a made a compete fool out of. “It comes with being the youngest on the team.” Helen said to her seeing the discontent evidently on Joana’s face. <br /><br />Just as Neil had warned before, this hotel wasn’t as grand and wasn’t as breathtaking as the one they had stayed in Melbourne. But this time round they were able to have their own separate rooms which Joana couldn’t be more thankful for as much as she enjoyed everyone else’s company. There just were times she just really preferred to be alone rather than to be in a room with any of them. <br /><br />“Okay we’ll go grab lunch somewhere on the way? We’ll meet back down here in half an hour?” Neil said as he was handed the keys to the four rooms. <br /><br />“Yeah, sure that sounds good.” Joana said. <br /><br />Joana placed the key in the pocket of her jacket, picking up her suitcase with one hand and one the (smallest but still heavy) bag of equipment that she was getting used to, with the other. Then she just headed towards the elevators without waiting to be asked to do so. She set down her suitcase before she called the elevator. <br /><br />“See she doesn’t complain anymore. She was clearly born to do this now. Two months and she’s conditioned!” Neil joked as he stepped into the elevator carrying the other big bag in his hand. <br /><br />Joana chose to ignore that and just stared at the number panel in front of her realizing she had no idea which floor they were staying on and looked across at Neil. “Four.” He said without Joana having to ask and she pressed the corresponding number. After she had pressed the number she pulled out the key from her pocket and studied the number on it. 435. Neil peered over her shoulder. <br /><br />“So I’m next door to Jo, I’m in 436. One of the other two are in 447 and the other one I think was 429?” <br /><br />Catherine nodded which let Joana know that Catherine was the one staying in 429 when the elevator stopped on the fourth floor and the doors slid open, opposite them was a wall that directed which way the rooms were numbered. Once they had stepped outside it Helen and Catherine turned left and Neil and Joana turned right. The hallways were a little narrower than for comfort and the décor was slightly questionable to Joana’s taste. <br /><br />She gave Neil a nod as he disappeared into his room first and she set down the big case and fiddled with the key card several times to open her door. The room was also just big enough, just big enough to live in for the next three nights. She shut the door and locked it behind her. Joana leaving the two bags by the doorway explored the room, not that there was much to explore. She clicked on the lights of the bathroom and looked inside it briefly to decide that it was clean and equipped enough before she walked towards the window, the sight from her window wasn’t the most spectacular but it was enough. It was pleasing. She got to see the local city’s activities from it, which was enough. She wasn’t living in the glam life after all, her life was chasing those who had that glamorous life. Capturing them on her camera. <br /><br />Joana rummaged through the small shoulder bag that she had slug over herself to pull out her small camera, though after three months of running around with the big cameras and being surrounded by them, her camera was beginning to feel a little inadequate. And strangely light. <br />She opened one of her windows wide, with much effort and attempted to capture what she saw with her eyes into the LCD screen of her camera. <br /><br />She emptied the bag onto her bed and picked out what she would need for rest of the day out, which turned out to be just her credit card and phone in the end, and put them in the pockets of her jacket which she shrugged off. Joana then wandered over towards the doorway and opened up her suitcase, pulling out the toiletries to put in the bathroom and roughly unpacking her clothes out of the bag and into the empty drawers on which a questionably old looking television set was sitting on top of. When she had emptied it out enough she kicked it aside next to her bed. Grudgingly she then opened up the big black bag of the camera equipment, from it she pulled out the laptop case which the laptop was already sitting in and grabbed the neatly wrapped up cables to put into the pockets of the case. She gathered more things she thought she would they might need for the several hours they would be out and zipped up the laptop case. She knew Neil had the bag with all the other camera equipment in it and she was sure he would take care of the rest. <br /><br />Joana glanced at the time and strolled in the bathroom and brushed down her hair, unpleased by the way it was looking after the hours of the non-stop travelling. Before deciding that she would much prefer to tie it back and not to have to worry about how she was looking whilst she was working. With minutes to spare she had packed up all the equipment she could get ready for the day and she was ready to go, she picked up her jacket from her bed and slung the laptop case on her shoulder. She took one quick look around the room to make sure she hadn’t left anything as she knew herself too well. She assured herself several times that it was okay and she unlocked the door of her room to head downstairs. <br /><br />“Great minds think alike?” Joana heard and almost let out a small shriek as she looked round to see Catherine walking towards her from the other end of the hallway. “Sorry, didn’t mean to make you jump so much. You seem very jumpy, easily surprised. This could be fun.” <br /><br />“No, no. Don’t bully me…actually you guys already do that.” <br /><br />“We don’t bully you.”<br /><br />“Oh really?” Joana said sarcastically as she walked over towards the elevator, by the time she called the elevator, Helen also appeared from her room. <br /><br />Strangely enough the three women were ready and they were waiting for the one male to be downstairs ready to go. When Neil finally appeared ten minutes later, he explained how he had to get the equipment ready and how he had to check his camera several times while the three women looked at him unimpressed. <br /><br />“Neil, did you change?” Catherine interrupted him and it was only then the other two noticed it too and just laughed. <br /><br />“Okay, so lunch? Work? Other more important things to worry about than why I’m late.” Neil said taking quick steps away from them and out of the hotel, avoiding eye contact with the three of them. Catherine caught up with him while Joana and Helen just stayed back several steps, worried slightly where they were heading as they had very little knowledge of the area. <br /><br />They had walked ten odd minutes before they found an empty enough café near by which they decided was good enough. By the time they had sat down with their very varied sized cups of coffee and slightly overpriced sandwiches they realized that they had an hour to be at the venue. <br /><br />“It’s okay, I heard it’s half an hour drive there, maximum.” Neil said sipping at the large cup of coffee. <br /><br />“Do we trust Neil’s sense of time today though?” Joana teased, using the temporary leverage she had over him. <br /><br />“Jo, you do not want to play this game with me.” <br /><br />Joana grinned and silently stirred the two packets of sugar into her coffee. She never found herself so hungry after a day of travelling like this, when there was a lot going on, when there were things waiting to be done. She ripped off her sandwich in front of her bite-sized pieces that she forced herself to eat, because she would need the energy. She didn’t really taste anything though she couldn’t figure out if that was down to the fat that she wasn’t hungry or because it really didn’t taste of much. Then she scowled remembering how much it had cost her it. <br /><br />After she forced herself to consume half of it, she pushed it aside, her hands just opting to wrap itself around the warm coffee. She hardly ever turned down a chance to get some extra caffeine into her system. By the time she had drank two thirds of her coffee she realized everyone else had actually finished eating. They looked at her worried, wandering if there was something wrong and she just shook her head, smiling. There was nothing wrong, she just had no appetite at times like these. <br /><br />Before she knew it they were on the move again and they hailed a taxi on the road just outside the café and headed towards the venue. Joana’s body buzzed all over again like she had been buzzing when she was sitting on the plane waiting to touch down in Germany, she tapped on the bag that was carrying all the cameras that was sitting on her lap. Excited. Ecstatic was exactly what she was. <br /><br />As they made their way towards the entrance they had to go through the security and ID checks again as usual before they were handed passes that they would need to enter the venue for the next four days. They headed straight for what they were directed. They went through sets of doors and stumbled into what seemed like what the stadium court. Where they saw the French team sitting around the bench and several other people with tags around their necks armed with cameras pointing at them. <br /><br />Joana sat down silently in a space that the four of them managed to clear behind where the team was sitting, next to some other photographers. She opened up the bag on her lap and without her even needing to say anything; she saw Helen and Neil reach for the equipment from the bag then heard the usual ritual take place. She silently then sat there and looked around her as Helen, Neil and Catherine (who always insisted she carried her own camera) madly started clicking their shutters at the very little activity going on opposite them. She looked across at them, Richard, or who she recognized as Richard, had his back to her, talking to someone sitting on the bench. Who she also recognized but couldn’t remember the name of. She wondered if she should wave or greet him subtly when he did turn around but then shook her head, telling herself it was stupid.<br /><br />It was highly unlikely he would still remember just another blonde girl he met a month earlier. Especially knowing how many people he meets everyday on the tour and she could only assume that a very large proportion of that were female. <br /><br />“Jo is watching her French boy with much interest, wondering why he isn’t looking round to say hi…” Neil muttered as he flicked through the photos he had just taken and Joana just looked around at him and pulled a face to let him know that the comment was not appreciated. <br /><br />Neil didn’t reply but then quickly, in unison with everyone else sitting around them, lifted up his camera again as some of the players walked back onto the court. Joana looked around back to the court to see what that fuss was all about, she saw Richard looking in their direction, and she had no idea if it was at her or just the people in general but she had smiled again. Smiled idiotically like she had done the first time their eyes met in Melbourne. She deeply regretted it as soon as she realized what she had just done and looked quickly round to Catherine who was sitting behind her and when she turned around to face the court again, she found that Richard was standing meters away from her. <br /><br />“Joana, yes?” He said and Joana’s jaw just dropped not expecting him to recognize her never mind remembering her name. <br /><br />“Yep. Impressive you remembered.” She managed to say grinning as soon as she got over the initial overwhelming shock of it all. <br /><br />“I see you didn’t get so bored of the tennis?” <br /><br />“No, no. Two weeks in Melbourne made me quite knowledgeable about the sport.” She said her eyes just noticing how all of the eyes were on the pair of them, which also made Richard aware of the situation. <br /><br />“I guess we can catch up when there are less eyes and cameras around, I assume you are going to be here all of the weekend yes?” <br /><br />Joana nodded and he just smiled and stepped back, turning sharply around back onto the court, where he was met with just as many questions as it seemed as Joana was by her colleagues. <br /><br />“Oh. How did you do it?” Catherine said, leaning forwards. <br /><br />“What? What did I do?” Joana said as quietly she could manage.<br /><br />“I’ve always talked to so many of the players on the tour, I’ve not yet managed to get one to come chase me. How? What did you do?” <br /><br />“What? We are just making small talk!”<br /><br />“That is not small talk, I told you, you were flirting with him in Melbourne.” Neil joined in and Joana looked at both of them just buried her face in her hands. <br /><br />She had no idea what was going herself, she hadn’t imagined for such a thing to happen. Joana also couldn’t explain why she was feeling flushed and why her mind was racing at the thought of catching up wit h him later. Why her palms were sweating. Why when he smiled at her it made her have a smile fixed on her face for such a long time. <br /></blockquote></blockquote> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:de_milmentiras:9912 2009-02-01T21:01:57Z 2009-02-02T15:53:00Z The Cab - High Hopes In Velvet Ropes | Powered by Last.fm <b>Alpha - Five - PG</b><br />(I do not know all the names mentioned within, none of this happened. I made up a LOT of stuff and forgot a fair few stuff for the sake of my own convinience. Richard's results and tennis related stuff mentioned of 2006 and 2008 are true however. )<br /><br /><blockquote>*Joana is on the verge of a new life afraid to that that leap. Leaving the life as she knows it and entering a whole different world, tells herself she will not lose herself in this new world. Then she stumbles into the world that she knows nothing about, but she is intrigued. She intrigues <i>him</i> and she intrigued with <i>him</i>. She dares, she dares to let her mind wonder about a future after one brief encouter with Richard Gasquet - though she knows deep down inside that she is more likely to be one of the many encouters for him. (After all, she is nothing, to him and his world.)<br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br /><blockquote><i>five</i><br /><br />“No, no. Neil don’t worry.” Joana said pulling the strap of the camera over Neil’s head and putting over her own before she pried carefully the large camera from Neil’s hands into her own while Neil looked at her with a frozen expression. “It’s not like the first time I’m touching this now is it? It’s my third day of touching it Neil! Relax!” She laughed as she pressed her right eye against the viewfinder of the camera. Her hand gently cupping around the sides of the camera, she was getting used to the feeling of the camera. The weight of it and her finger lingering on the shutter. <br /><br />“How can I not worry though Jo? I mean really. You have a grand worth of stuff in your hands, I’m supposed to worry every time someone else is holding my camera. Even my heart drops when I’m holding my camera.” <br /><br />“Technically not yours, it’s the company’s.” Joana teased, still concentrating on looking at the world around her through the camera’s small view finder. Her finger firmly squeezing down on the shutter as she attempted to take the first test shots of the day before adjusting the settings. <br /><br />“It’s the one I was given until I leave it so really it’s mine.” <br /><br />“So aren’t you planning to leave – ever?”<br /><br />“No, no. I will when I make enough money to buy myself one as big.” Neil laughed, “I am going to leave in couple of years, but don’t tell anyone I told you that.” <br /><br />Joana peeled herself away from the camera and looked at him, she was already planning herself to train with this company for several years before she would dare to ask to be hired properly. She had already seen in the future working with Neil and Helen and Catherine, having the same old bickering everyday between them, but that future was being taken away from her already. <br /><br />“I’ve been here for six years Jo, as good as the job is, I sort of want to get out. I don’t know if I want to start something small on my own or to just freelance or…well. If I do establish myself enough I will come find you don’t worry.” He winked at her. <br /><br />“Oh good, that’s a genuine job offer I will not forget. I will come and find you.” She said smiling as she slowly lowered the camera, clicking around the buttons on the back of it. Carrying out a list of changes to the settings without having to think about it any more, just being able to recognize she was doing. She was learning. Her thumb glided over the dial as she reviewed her photos, deleting several before she took some more around her. <br /><br />“Did you hear James Blake lost?” She heard the familiar voice that belonged to Helen coming from behind them. <br /><br />“Who?” Joana found herself saying again, like she had been doing every other day. <br /><br />“Just another American we don’t need to worry about!” Neil said, “He always loses, he doesn’t get very far anywhere.” <br /><br />“I like him. So sssh.” Helen said in a defending manner. <br /><br />“I know you do, hence I am winding you up.” Neil said looking about her. “What happened to Cat?” <br /><br />“Got caught up, talking to a certain Croat.” <br /><br />“Ah. She has to stop doing that we are working and he’s far too young and I find him a grumpy git anyway.” <br /><br />“He is a bit of a moody bastard isn’t he? He just lost as well I think, I’m not too sure she’s being wise.” Helen joked. <br /><br />“Okay, I’m going to go then check on where we can go on next, you and Jo can take care of the practice courts I’m sure. And if Cat comes back in my absence tell her to stop talking to Ancic or I’ll…oh nevermind.” Neil chuckled as he stepped past the pair of them and out of their sight. <br /><br />Joana looked around, the practice courts were in fact emptying out and there were less people around. With her camera in her hand and alone at last she felt a little disappointed and she attempted to photograph couple of players in the far courts from her though she had no idea who they were and if they were of any significance at all. As far as she knew they could have been junior qualifiers. <br /><br />“Is that Baghdatis?” Helen said then quickly shook her head, “I’m sorry I’m asking the wrong person.” She continued as she glanced over at the display screen on Joana’s camera, flicking through the photos. “Oh so it is.” <br /><br />“I’m not even going to pretend I know who and how important he is.” <br /><br />“He’s one of the big ones to watch out for this year, he’s almost an absolute nobody. But he’s playing very well and he’s going to play Roddick next round. It’s going to be really good.” <br /> <br />Joana just nodded silently and continued to take the photos with Helen’s guidance over her shoulder. Catherine was no where to be seen by the time Neil had appeared again and guided them onto another court that was just starting, it was only when Joana and Helen had been settled on the court Catherine called them to find out where they were. <br /><br />“Don’t worry, I’m leaving this court for Helen and Jo, where are you? We’ll go find our own” Neil had said to her and after giving Helen and Jo a thumbs up disappeared from their sights once more. <br /><br />“Jo have you…” <br /><br />“Yep.” Joana interrupted, proudly presenting to her the set up laptop on the floor in front of her, ready to upload the photos. The new directories and folders created just ready for the photos to be fed in. <br /><br />“Wow, erm then can I…”<br /><br />Joana placed in Helen’s hand before she could finish speaking a clear plastic case which Helen smiled at, taking it and removing from her own camera the memory card to be replaced with the one that Joana had just placed in her hand. <br /><br />“You are getting into the swing of things now aren’t you?” <br /><br />“I’d hope so, it’s been a week!” Joana laughed and joined in the applauding of the crowd on the outside court as the players appeared on court and Helen’s shutter started clicking away madly. Another two hours of sitting on the floor with frantic attaching and detaching of the cable between the camera and the computer and clicking the same buttons over and over again. <br /><br />A doubles match. Joana had hardly gotten used to the format of the singles matches and she was thrown into having to watch the doubles. It looked like a completely different sort of sport with the significant change in the tempo of the play and the high agility the game was played at. She found herself enjoying this version of the tennis a lot more than watching the ball move back and forth between just two people, she found a little more entertaining. <br /><br />She wasn’t sure if it was the pace of the match or if it was because she was being able to enjoy the match all at once, the match seemed to be over pretty quickly. She glanced down at the screen on the computer and transferred more photos from Helen’s camera on to it and they had both decided that they would get round to reviewing and uploading rest of the photos later when they got back to the hotel. <br /><br />As soon as Helen and Jo were packed up ready to go Joana’s phone began to vibrate, she quickly slung over her shoulder the one big bag and pulled out her mobile from her pocket. Looking carefully at the caller ID before sliding up her phone excitedly to answer. <br /><br />“OH MY GOD ALEX!” She squealed loudly down the phone which made Helen jump a little. “Hi, hi! Oh I know, I know. I called Euan and he said that you hadn’t been home in days and you hadn’t been sleeping and hi!” <br /><br />Joana couldn’t help but to grin widely with the phone pressed up against her ear as she walked out of the court and amongst the crowded heading towards the car park where Neil and Cat were waiting for them. Helen kept glancing over at Joana as the smile on her face was fixed permanently it seemed during the whole conversation. <br /><br />“It’s been crazy but it’s been so much fun! Tiring? Of course but you know…” <br /><br />Neil was already giving her odd looks when they appeared in the car park, looking at how excitedly and loudly Joana was talking on the phone with the biggest grin he had ever seen her have. He looked at Helen as if to ask ‘What? Who?’ Helen just shrugged in response. Joana half heartedly waved at Neil and Cat, not wanting to break away from the phone conversation for a moment. <br /><br />She placed the bag on her shoulder as carefully as she could manage with one hand, into the boot of the car before she climbed into the car. She gasped and gushed own the phone every other second as they were slowly moving out of the grounds, fighting against the other traffic of cars and people. “Oh that is awesome! I can’t wait to come back and see it!” <br /><br />“Me too, I was going pretty insane too.” <br /><br />Neil and Helen exchanged one more glance before just shaking it off and ignoring the grinning Joana sitting in the car with them. <br /><br />“I miss you too…” She trailed off and looked around her to notice the eyes on her, “Alex, I have to go. I’ll call you tomorrow sometime okay? Yeah, me too. Bye.” She said, her voice quickly becoming quieter with every syllable as she became very self conscious of herself. She hung up and quietly just put the phone back in her pocket turning away from Helen, who was still staring with much curiosity. <br /><br />“What was that?” <br /><br />“What do you mean ‘what’ was that?” Joana scowled a little.<br /><br />“I mean…who was that? Gosh I’ve never seen you so excited about anything.” <br /><br />“Alex…my boyfriend?” <br /><br />“I knew it.” Neil said proudly. <br /><br />“You have a boyfriend? How have we not mentioned the boyfriend once in the past week?” Helen continued looking a little shocked. <br /><br />“I’m sorry I just don’t really talk about my boyfriend a lot. You know I just personally find people who go on about their boyfriends really irritating…sorry again.” <br /><br />“Boyfriend of how long?” <br /><br />“Almost two years now.” <br /><br />Helen proceeded to interrogating Joana all the way back to the hotel about many questions about the boyfriend. Which Joana was forced to answer no matter how hard she tried to avoid the answers. Once they had arrived back at the hotel, she tried her best to avoid Helen again until they had to be sitting in the same room through the night. <br /><br />Joana settled down on the chair and started up the laptop again on the desk, tapping her finger as she waited for it to load. After five days of doing the same thing over and over again she no longer was thinking when she was entering the password and security details to log onto the company’s photo system to upload the photos that were taken during the day. <br /><br />She worked backwards from the photos that Helen had taken during the last match they had spent their time on at Melbourne Park to the practice session photos that she had taken off Neil’s camera before the match. She watched the slow scrolling progress bar and leant back, wondering if she should consider going out to eat on her own at some point as the rest had left her alone to it. She wasn’t hungry at the time for one and she also really didn’t need to discuss Alex any more that night. <br /><br />She organized the photos and quickly scanned over the details of the every photo that she had just put onto the system. To make sure everything was captioned properly and everything was labelled properly. She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hands as her eyes began to tire from staring at the endless small text. Joana couldn’t help but to let out a huge sigh of relief when she was done, she stretched out her arms upwards before she just began to flick through all of the images that were online from the Australian Open. <br /><br />A part of her just felt indescribably proud to have been a part of almost every single photo that she was looking at and every one else in the world could look at. She then stopped when she stumbled across the photos from day one, the day she had been thrown into the deep end of the work. <br /><br /><i>‘Ri-shard Gas-kay.’</i> Neil’s voice echoed in her mind again as she looked through that match photos and Joana couldn’t help but to laugh a little. <br /><br />And the more she looked through his photos she couldn’t deny that he wasn’t actually that bad looking either and from what she could figure from the brief talk she was able to have with him days before she couldn’t say that he wasn’t exactly a bad person either. Just then she heard the door click open as Helen came back through the door and peered over her shoulder at the screen. <br /><br />“No, you are so not allowed to look at him and smile like that when you have a boyfriend.” <br /><br />“I wasn’t doing anything!” Joana exclaimed defending herself. <br /><br />“See, no need to be so defensive either. Well, I brought you back soup because I figured, you might eat at some point.” Helen said handing her a small bag. <br /><br />“Thanks Helen. And having a boyfriend does not mean I can’t have eye candy.” Joana said, pulling a face as she peered inside the small paper bag. <br /><br />“True. True. But you can’t flirt with him again though.”<br /><br />“I didn’t flirt! Oh I am going to hurt Neil…” <br /><br />“If you are done staring at your French eye candy, get some food in you rest.” Helen continued to tease as she disappeared into the bathroom. <br /><br />Joana muttered under her breath and pulled out carefully the small tub of soup from the bag and with it the plastic spoon that was resting on top. She took one more glance up at the smiling Frenchman on her screen and shook her head defiantly. There was nothing there but just eye candy. She told herself and closed the browser before she pried open the tub of still very warm soup. From the previous nights she knew she couldn’t spend the next couple of hours just mindlessly watching Australian TV so she turned her focus back to her laptop where she opened several folders, looking for something she had downloaded that she could watch. <br /><br />“Ah yes. Jack Bauer.” She said clicking open the folder that was labelled ‘24’ and she sat back in her chair.</blockquote></blockquote>